Chobani Flip Chipotle Pineapple

Chobani, as a long-time disordered consumer of yogurt, let me be the first to gently deliver this message: knock it off. For starters, you’re making Dannon and Yoplait feel bad. They’ve only just discovered that you can make cake into a flavor for people who think cake is shameful and want to capitalize it. You’re just going to confuse them. Also, I’m pretty sure that Bobby Flay has a monopoly on the concept, flavor, feeling, and etymology of “chipotle,” so you’ll be hearing from his lawyers.IMG_20160302_113503768 Continue reading “Chobani Flip Chipotle Pineapple”

Lenny & Larry’s Pumpkin Spice Protein Cookie

Confession: I am not over pumpkin spice. I know, it’s February. I should be expounding upon the next flavor of the month, like whatever post-prandial sugary delight we’re supposed to foist upon President’s Day. Hamilton Herbs de Provence? The abhorrent mint-infused flash in the pan come St. Paddy’s Day? Fuck no, give me red velvet and give me pumpkin spice or give me death. That’s all I want. Winter is a dearth of seasonal flavors; starting with peppermint and rum raisin and ending with the lukewarm return to all things watermelon at the start of April.IMG_20160217_182652268_HDR Continue reading “Lenny & Larry’s Pumpkin Spice Protein Cookie”

Top Five Food Destinations around Miami, FL (and some of the Keys, too)

Jonas? We don’t need no stinkin’ Jonas. Or for that matter, snow. When J and I are hellbent on going on a trip, we go. We had planned a weekend in Miami for five months. In between that fateful plan and our return, I had surgery, school started, job schedules changed, homework happened, and United cancelled our flight three times in anticipation of the blizzard of the century.12548921_10206931638424450_7969587063519986387_nI know you know these palm trees don’t lie, baby. Continue reading “Top Five Food Destinations around Miami, FL (and some of the Keys, too)”

Rhythm Superfoods Mango Habanero Kale Chips

Either I’m an idiot, or the kale industrial complex is pulling the veiny, tough greens over your eyes. And let me tell you, I nearly skirted the median this semester, so I’m pretty sure Big Kale is out to get you. My point is, I fought the slaw and the slaw won. Kale is no joke. Even when liberally smothered in my most favorite disguise of flavors, its natural, vegetal haunt shines through, like an unwashed natural body odor on an otherwise attractive frame.IMG_20160129_235721449 Continue reading “Rhythm Superfoods Mango Habanero Kale Chips”

Tea-Rrific! Limited Batch Ice Cream Brown Butter Sticky Toffee

The first review of the new year isn’t always promising. And yes, it starts with a cheat. I’ve had a bag of kale chips, coconut chips, and three different flavors of whey sitting on my counter for a week now but decided to go for the kill and suffered greatly for it.IMG_20160107_223158754Mediocrity comes at a cost. Roughly $12, to be precise. Continue reading “Tea-Rrific! Limited Batch Ice Cream Brown Butter Sticky Toffee”

Lapsang Souchong Poached Apple Tart

I participated in an Ambassador Program on behalf of Influence Central for Hood Cream. I received product samples as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation.

I guess I never spoke about the holidays, but sandwiched between the stress of the season and the trials and tribulations of finals, which make The Paper Chase look like Paper Moon, it slipped my consciousness as quickly as the turkey caused me to.IMG_20151125_144141946 Continue reading “Lapsang Souchong Poached Apple Tart”

Walking Dessert Tacos with Nabisco, Snack Pack, and Reddi Wip #ad

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #SnackAndGo #CollectiveBiasIMG_20151012_134501127_HDRThe Bedfellow does not appreciate my affinity for protein snacks. More importantly, she does not deem ‘paste’ one of the five food groups. Weird, right? In order to maintain harmony in the relationship, I like to go outside of the box and create snacks for her that satisfy her sweet tooth and my compulsive need to combine various flavors of cake. One of these is genius- no, seriously. Continue reading “Walking Dessert Tacos with Nabisco, Snack Pack, and Reddi Wip #ad”

Tea Box Express: September 2015 Subscription Box

I know, I have a backlog of boxes in my food review trunk, but what can I say? I love getting mail. I promise I’ll be back to sniffing out weird sandwiches sooner than you can say “questionable health codes”, gang. On the docket we have a Chicago trip, packed with more sausages and Michelin stars than a gay chef’s convention, and more tea to satisfy my endless, undying tame hedonism. For now, Tea Box Express.20150914_111756 Continue reading “Tea Box Express: September 2015 Subscription Box”

Pizza Dum Dum Lollipops

Children do not know how to accurately predict trends. Yeah, I said it. They’re lousy tastemakers. Call it an unpopular opinion like Carly Fiorina’s weird demon sheep campaign ad, but I’m sincerely tired of seeing what they come up with. They don’t know what America wants. I mean, I’m all for grapes that taste like non-grape things, but cotton candy is just another word for sugar. And now Dum Dums are still pandering to the fun-sized masses with pizza-flavored lollipops.  IMG_20150820_151555944_HDR

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15 in 30: Top Eats in Pittsburgh, Month 1

It’s been a fast month here in the Steel City- too fast! I’ve been acclimating to work, commuting like I casually memorized the bus schedule, and have been writing bench briefs like it ain’t no thang. It is a thang! And it’s hard! I’ve also been casually eating my way through the city, enjoying the most of each neighborhood. wpid-img_20150626_200613061_hdr.jpgI’ve spent the most time in Lawrenceville in the last two weeks, overshadowed only by Squirrel Hill, my own neighborhood, and Shadyside. In that time, I’ve had amazing treats, from homemade pierogies to beautiful burgers to macarons that taste like they’re straight out of Paris. Continuing my on-the-road tradition from last year, albeit souped up (disclaimer: this article contains no soup), here’s my Top 15 in 30. Continue reading “15 in 30: Top Eats in Pittsburgh, Month 1”