Over the weekend, the Bedfellow came for an amazing, whirlwind visit, and the first thing she sat down to eat after a long flight was a sandwich. Distance is a cruel addition to our partnership, and it has added food jealousy to our discourse.“What are you doing?”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing. It sounds like chips.”
“It’s actually chips…and a sandwich.”
“What kind of sandwich?” Continue reading “Mustard & Co. Smoky BBQ”
Yesterday I started my hypertrophy training. Today, I was ass-deep in estate tax notes to the tune of 115 pages. Today, I ate my lean muscle mass in ramen. We all know ramen is elevated as an obsessive art form in the US, ever since we discovered that the rest of the world knew how good ramen was long before we cracked open our first Maruchan. But I’ve discovered the intersection of boxed, laxy convenience and near-gourmet seasoning and preparation. Its name is Myojo Japanese Yakisoba, and it played the dozens with Nissin’s version and won hard. Sauce in the house, playa. Continue reading “Myojo Ippei-chan Yakisoba Japanese Style Noodles”
Midway through the fifth season, I found a sick bird fluttering on the ground while I was walking to and from the center of town. It looked alert and fine and none of its wings appeared to be broken, but it couldn’t keep its head up. I sidestepped around it and then I came back. I carried it in my hands for an hour and dripped water into its beak from a water fountain until I found a styrofoam cup and kleenex from a sports memorabilia store and brought it home with me.
Continue reading “My Brother’s Salsa Peach Tomatillo”
Welcome to fruity night. The final countdown! We’ve spanned so many sauces over the course of a week. Thank you for going along on this horrible voyeuristic journey. If you’ll excuse us, our tastebuds need reconstructive surgery. Continue reading “Spicy Week II: Fruit”
We tasted.There was a cat.
It needs no introduction. Spicy Week II presents, the ultra-spicy collection.
Continue reading “Spicy Week II: XXXX”
Yes, today was supposed to be XXX.
Yes, I know I’ve changed the order.
You do not know what my body has gone through in the last 24 hours.
If there is any poster child for body autonomy, it is me, right now, lacking autonomy from my own body.
Holy crap, I kid you not.
All that aside, I’ve decided to treat myself to the most exciting and diverse selection of the sauces before I subject various friends and family members to the insanely hot ones on my trip home tomorrow. Today won’t put me completely out of the woods- I’m trying sauces with ingredients from avocado to salted caramel, to top-notch political preferences to pumpkin. Whew.
Also, someone sent me a holster, which means that now that my first semester is officially done, I’ve spent every minute of the last 24 hours pretending to be Doc Holliday. I’m your huckleberry.
Sauce count: 18 (and five non-sauce goodies!)
Sauce total: 73 Continue reading “Spicy Week II: Eclectic”
Day three of Spicy Week and I’m rediscovering what it means to introduce fiber, green vegetables, and daily exercise into my system. Funnily enough, this is also how I felt when I did the juice cleanse. Is hot sauce the next diet fad? You heard it here first. While supping on a sumptuous mixture of chia seeds, pecan-cranberry oatmeal, and peanut butter, please let me regale you with the legends and lore of the sauces boldly known as ‘hot.’ Continue reading “Spicy Week II: Hot”
It took three weeks.
One hundred and six packages.
Two hundred and seventeen bottles of hot sauce.
Tons of crowd and brand support, and only two refusals.And a yearning. A simple, dumb yearning coming from the awestruck realization that one day, I was out of hot sauce. It was a reality I thought I’d never face, and from that cosmic upset (and bland plate of eggs) came a project borne from the dead and the archives of my mid-2011 dining hall plates and Razr medium. Spicy Week II: The Spicening. What was strange and surreal turned into an organized project of militant precision. I had a hot sauce bar graph lining the northern wall of my bedroom for a month. I researched into the depths of old webring circles and etsy pages to find my subjects, and now, here we are. Continue reading “Spicy Week II: Mild”