Road Trip II: Atlanta to Asheville

Atlanta is a clever city- a combination of hilly Seattle and the funkier parts of Brooklyn. I stayed right in the center of downtown and meant to try some Southern delicacies, but was so impressed with the cocktails that I decided to do a little bar-hopping instead.wpid-img_20140816_220250.jpg Continue reading “Road Trip II: Atlanta to Asheville”

Krispy Kreme Southern Classics Banana Pudding and Carrot Cake Donuts

I wonder if people have a very polarized conception of me- either they find me very lucky, or very unlucky. The truth, like every single other person on the planet, is both. There are days when I attend hip parties and manage to be the coolest person in the room, and there are days when someone hits my car, denies it, and drives back to whatever corner of Illinois favors shit-brown BMW’s. I took photos, guy. This is an entirely normal phenomenon as far as I am concerned. Some days the collective consciousness bends over and sits on my chest and other days, it happily spoon-feeds me chocolate pudding enrobed in gold leaf.wpid-img_20140729_104655.jpg Continue reading “Krispy Kreme Southern Classics Banana Pudding and Carrot Cake Donuts”

Dunkin’ Donuts Kolache

Dunkin’, I never thought I’d see the day when the hipster trickle-down effect came to your Canton-based doorstep. Kolaches hold nothing but the most tepid of memories for me- first, snarfed down on one of the less traumatic family vacations in a rest stop, then, in Manhattan, snarfed at a small bakery in Clinton. Fast forward three years later, snarfed in the bed of a weird ex who, to my knowledge, now specializes in dumpster diving and ear plugs. Never date art students. Now, in my adventures in the South, Dunkin’ Donuts has seized upon my past adventures in Hershey, Manhattan, and Brooklyn, respectively, and brought the venerable kolache to Arkansas.DSC_9190-2 Continue reading “Dunkin’ Donuts Kolache”

White Castle Chicken & Waffle Sandwich

I have arrived at the dubious conclusion that I might be okay. Yeah. It sounds pretty true when I say it out loud to myself in a coffee shop. I’m the guy wearing sunglasses indoors and scowling, come say hello! I used to joke with my friends that, like a pre-Abed, my understanding of emotional processing came from watching feature-length films, it took me three hours or less to work my way through feeling poorly, or having trouble, or getting screwed over.

In this case, it might have worked. I’m feeling harder today. My car is getting repaired and I’m approaching the realization every sentient asshole figures out sooner or later: nothing is forever and people who are smarter and have 100% more bricks than you do will take your things if they feel like it. Fine. I sang Jim Croce’s version of ‘Bad, Bad Leroy Brown’ to myself three times and now I’m over it.wpid-wp-1400255396974.jpeg Continue reading “White Castle Chicken & Waffle Sandwich”

McDonald’s Jalapeno Double

Praise the test market lords and demigods of saturated fat, we have a new burger! The Jalapeno Double features two beef patties, white cheddar cheese, jalapeno aioli, and both pickled and crispy jalapenos. I’ll give it to you in stock terms: buy now, and buy long. This burger is impeccable. I was nervous that the loss of the onions, pickles, ketchup, and mustard would take away some of the acidity and balance that the classic McDouble is known for, but thankfully, McDonald’s mitigated the acidity gracefully in this one.DSC_8702 Continue reading “McDonald’s Jalapeno Double”

Wendy’s BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad

I had a number of things planned out for my future tombstone. Call it a list of superlatives, accomplishments. Things I wanted people to know about my life that seemed worthy of paying a person to painstakingly engrave into the marker of my final resting place. ‘Never enjoyed Boston,’ ‘Knew all the words to ‘The Bad Touch,’ ‘Never broke a phone,’ ‘Was heavy in the game,’ and such. But after my HTC kissed the pavement today, I can safely scratch off one of those macabre, creepy hypotheticals. Have you ever broken a phone? It’s like losing a limb. A stupid, slow limb with low battery, but a limb nevertheless.DSC_8519 Continue reading “Wendy’s BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad”

McDonald’s Buffalo Chicken Poutine

Back from the lean, mean streets of Canada, I bring you the sole restaurant or food review of the entire trip- Buffalo Chicken Poutine from McDonald’s. We opted to take a mainly tech-free vacation to better connect to each other and remember what penmanship was. Subsequently, I had a wonderful time and have a journal full of poorly-rendered sandwich drawings– and now, this, with 100% more surreptitiously taken grainy photos! wpid-IMAG1193.jpg Continue reading “McDonald’s Buffalo Chicken Poutine”

Wendy’s Spicy Chipotle Jr. Cheeseburger

I hate Christmas shopping. Even though I’ve whittled down all but 20% of it to online shopping, leaving my neighbors constantly curious as to whether I’m in a drug cartel or the Make A Wish Foundation, it’s still an irksome chore. The expectations are too high. What do I want for Christmas? I want to feel genuine satisfaction, the kind that comes from inner peace and self-acceptance. So the Cinzia Rocca jacket and tub of popcorn isn’t going to cut it. But I bought gifts for people, anyway, braving the crowds of the BLEEP for the privilege of elbowing a pinch-faced woman in the chin for the last BLEEP on the shelf and waiting in line, only to make small talk with the cashier about specials on BLEEP. I forgot my mother reads this blog. Well, Mom, enjoy your BLEEP this year.DSC_7203 - Edited Continue reading “Wendy’s Spicy Chipotle Jr. Cheeseburger”

Domino’s Gluten-Free Pizza

Curiosity and a freezing cold night inspired, as my notes tell me, both action and forbearance on the part of a contract I made. Specifically, a contract with my diet. I forebeared in opting out of my daily cardio and sweatfest when my booty short-clad legs hit 20-degree air, and I acted when I looked at my sink piled with dirty dishes and ordered a pizza. From Domino’s. I know, but when your city’s GrubHub has nothing but sketchy Chinese food and free muggings with every small pizza and a soda, sometimes a little chain consistency doesn’t hurt. Plus, their 50% off coupon coincided both with finals ravishment and a curiosity to try their gluten-free pizza. Yes, I know it’s been out for over a year. No, I didn’t feel like paying $20 for something twice the size of a Lunchables pizza, despite my pleasure at having gluten-free delivery.DSC_6895

Continue reading “Domino’s Gluten-Free Pizza”