Lenny & Larry’s Pumpkin Spice Protein Cookie

Confession: I am not over pumpkin spice. I know, it’s February. I should be expounding upon the next flavor of the month, like whatever post-prandial sugary delight we’re supposed to foist upon President’s Day. Hamilton Herbs de Provence? The abhorrent mint-infused flash in the pan come St. Paddy’s Day? Fuck no, give me red velvet and give me pumpkin spice or give me death. That’s all I want. Winter is a dearth of seasonal flavors; starting with peppermint and rum raisin and ending with the lukewarm return to all things watermelon at the start of April.IMG_20160217_182652268_HDR Continue reading “Lenny & Larry’s Pumpkin Spice Protein Cookie”

Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos

Was I on a diet? Did it not include cookies? Believe me, I’ve been trying to resist the allure of processed foods, snacks, and generally comforting complex sugars, but in this case, SCREW THAT. Beast-flavored supplements have nothing on cookies. I have been wanting these for years. This is my Oreo Make-A-Wish except I didn’t have to have a terminal disease to get this in my belly. People, behold. One of the first non-Buzzfeed reviews of the Red Velvet Oreos, debuting in February for your Valentine binge.DSC_1595 Continue reading “Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos”

Caramel Apple Oreos

I’m home. Oh, god, I’m home. And instead of summery lemon and fruit Oreos or whimsical Rice Krispie cookies, we’re slammed with some back to school shenanigans of caramel apple. Apples are for teachers. Caramel is for jerks. The two combined include schedules, grades, and more curves than a poorly angled photo on Tinder. However, Caramel Apple Oreos might be pretty tasty. The internet has been all abuzz about these and at my local treacherous Target today, I found them, right next to the school supplies.wpid-img_20140824_190107020.jpg Continue reading “Caramel Apple Oreos”

Uncle Al’s Stage Planks

Moving down here, or to any new city, is akin to starting a popular television series midway through the fifth season. People have a frame of reference, a casual one, that pops up in their interactions and mannerisms and are typically surprised when you don’t catch on. Or when they find out that you don’t have a TV. That’s where things get weird.DSC_8837 Continue reading “Uncle Al’s Stage Planks”

Limited Edition Marshmallow Crispy Oreos

Golden Oreos, you have come home at last. You were bland and played second fiddle to Vienna Fingers when you first came out on the market, and came into the eye of the public with your controversial, yet ultimately progressive Heads or Tails pairing. Unfortunately, you faltered with Birthday Cake Oreos, because nobody wants a vanilla-on-vanilla birthday cake. It wasn’t your fault. The descent had begun. Watermelon Oreo, Gingerbread Oreo, Banana Split Oreo, Neapolitan Oreo. Jesus, what were you, Madonna?DSC_7584 Continue reading “Limited Edition Marshmallow Crispy Oreos”

Limited Edition Cookie Dough Oreo

FedEx, I don’t know what to say. You’ve disappointed me more than an orphaned elf on Christmas. Your friendly goon, bless his unknowing heart, dropped the package off at my front step. Today. It was marked ‘priority overnight.’ FedEx, I have been an overnight priority in the past, so needless to say, the fact that you have delayed my sugary booty call until Monday, at 9:10 in the morning, is nothing short of a deplorable, unAmerican act. DSC_7567 Continue reading “Limited Edition Cookie Dough Oreo”