If in 2009, college-aged humans feared a zombie epidemic, in 2015 the mongering has surely turned to the transformation of the basic bitch. And dear readers, with the final sunset dawning over my apartment-turned-Starbucks, I must inform you with deep regret that I, too, have merrily joined the ranks of Lush-purchasing, pumpkin spice-consuming, scarf-adorned basics, and for that, I cannot apologize because I now communicate exclusively in emoticons.
A very birthday cake winky face teapot smiling poop to all of you. Continue reading “Celestial Lattes: The Godfather”
Tag: beverage
Amoda Tea: August 2015 Subscription Box
I’m a relatively classy guy and let the record show that if you want to up your sophistication, tea is the way to go. Fact: the best way to distance yourself from the bustling screams of the derelict on the streets below and the sounds of angry dogs fighting over garbage is not opiates, but oolong. I recently received a box of the good, leafy stuff from Amoda Tea, a Canadian company running a curated subscription box service, and tried out the goods for your consideration.
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Southern Boy Teas Rainbow Sherbet
Garlic bread, cheesecake, and cotton candy are not foods people, on a whole, would prefer to consume in liquid form, yet through the magic of modern-day science and free time, we now have that option. I ordered ten of the strangest iced tea flavors from Southern Boy Teas (garlic bread not included…I mean, we know how that’s going to end) last week to put them to the test. Since I’ve been home, I’ve really been getting into tea. Rather, my laziness has. Throughout my one-bedroom apartment, I’ve been placing strateagic (I swear that’s the last tea joke) stations to satisfy my craving. There are plenty of kettles to trip on.
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Road Trip: Hartford to Pittsburgh
I am settled in Pittsburgh after a weekend of driving, eating, and blasting Queen along the highway. This wasn’t as involved of a drive as last year’s, but it was still plenty of fun, with many neat stops along the way. I spent the night in Williamsport, PA, about halfway between Hartford and Pittsburgh, and stopped in Milford and State College for a rest each day on the hunt for breweries, coffee, and dive bars.
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The Top Five Coffees in Toronto, Canada
I’m a douche, but I’ll never be later than a month. Still a douche. It’s okay. I’m here. State of the union, I have a job and will be exploring and documenting Pittsburgh. Judging by my current poor track record, that will show up on your newsfeed sometime in October or possibly when I’m in my mid-forties, it’s hard to keep track at this point. I’ll try to keep up, you just keep on hangin’. This compilation of curated coffees was from March, when The Bedfellow and I drove to Toronto over spring break. Cool city, cooler coffee, and coffee cocktails to boot. Back to whey soon enough, but for now, check out our coffee picks here.
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Royal Sport Charge Blood Orange BCAA-SAA
Royal Sport is the sleek king of the supplement world– eschewing the bulky, half-filled tubs of whey protein and creepy creatine supplements, covered in monsters like a sixth grader’s trapperkeeper for a matte design with minimalistic typeface. It’s what I imagine hipsters would have started on Etsy before Etsy sucked balls, kickstarted with sticker rewards, and then sold to GNC as an exclusive line. They’re made by Cellucor as a GNC exclusive and come in whimsical flavors and high prices.
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Bigelow Caramel and Coconut Girl Scout (Samoa) Black Tea
Do you hate people? Children? Do you have a crippling fear of your doorbell ringing unless it’s USPS with five free jars of peanut butter and boxers? Do you miss escaping town and never coming back? Do you have nostalgia for the brands and delicious high-snob of Fairfield County, Connecticut? Are you me? If so, get this tea!
Bigelow Tea has combined forces with the Girl Scouts to create cookie-flavored tea. Yes, they took the easy route and combined flavors that already exist in tea, eschewing a chance at historical tea design with Tagalongs and going for ‘coconut and chocolate’ and ‘mint and chocolate,’ as if we don’t know the cookies those demarcate. I’ll review them anyway, because I, too, am powerless to the Girl Scout sales pitch, even if it is at 11PM on a Wednesday at an abandoned grocery store. Continue reading “Bigelow Caramel and Coconut Girl Scout (Samoa) Black Tea”
Cellucor Red Velvet Whey Protein
To clarify from yesterday’s rhetoric: I am on a diet. It does not include cookies. After a grueling gym set to offset my crapital gains, I switched one red velvet for another and tried the well-timed package from Cellucor, featuring samples from their whey protein line and Royal Sport brand, available exclusively from GNC. Cellucor, as far as I can tell, is the only decent supplement company on the market making a red velvet whey protein isolate, which is awesome. I’ve lauded Cellucor before- clean protein, gluten and sugar free in most cases, and excellent blendability. This new flavor is no less awesome and accurately mimics red velvet cake, cream cheese and all. They sent over a four-serving sample bag and after my first glass, I ordered a 2lb. jug out of sheer addiction. This might be better than COR-Fetti, I’m telling you that.
I mix my supplements with milk rather than water- I think the nutrients are important and am willing to have the extra calories and fat over having an unappetizing shake. Without a doubt, this is the best milk-based shake I’ve made. I’m afraid to try it with my go-to, vanilla almond milk, just because of how great it is with whole milk. The creaminess in the whey really enhances the cake batter flavors, and gives a sweet, frosting edge to it. I even went as far as to blend half whole milk and half fat-free kefir with this to achieve the cream cheese frosting flavor. Go hard, Foodette, go hard. Continue reading “Cellucor Red Velvet Whey Protein”
Chaos and Pain Cannibal Permaswole
What’s for breakfast? PERMASWOOOOLLLLEEEE.
What’s for lunch? PEEEEEEEEEEEERMASWOOOLLLLEEE.
What’s for dinner? Please, please don’t hit me. It’s Permaswole, okay? It’s a supplement from Chaos & Pain that tastes like Pixy Stix and makes you feel like the Hulk. Guaranteed to annoy girlfriends and distress mothers everywhere when you proclaim that you are the masc with the vasc. C&P sent over Green Apple Hulk, so before we get to the meat of the review, let’s go over the ingredients. To give you perspective, I do a light PHAT/HIIT style workout with a trainer with an intensive, hour-long focus on core and strength exercises. Surprisingly, there aren’t many reviews of this and what reviews are out there basically equate this to crack cocaine for your muscles. It’s awesome, but crack cocaine is going too far. That’s a better descriptor for Ferox, which we’ll get to in a week or so. Quite simply, though, Permaswole is diligent as both a battle cry and an amino acid boost for the family guns. Continue reading “Chaos and Pain Cannibal Permaswole”
Cellucor COR-Fetti Cake Batter Whey Protein
Get that virtual baby shower ready, because this girl is preggo. Pregnant with abs.
I felt them a few weeks ago, emerging from the deep as I was admiring myself shirtless in the mirror to Sade, as you all shamelessly do in the privacy of your own homes, I’m sure. They kicked a little, or maybe they involuntarily flexed at the climax point of ‘Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover’ when I switched to the veritable Ms. Hawkins. 
I’m going to name them Kevin! Continue reading “Cellucor COR-Fetti Cake Batter Whey Protein”