Do you hate people? Children? Do you have a crippling fear of your doorbell ringing unless it’s USPS with five free jars of peanut butter and boxers? Do you miss escaping town and never coming back? Do you have nostalgia for the brands and delicious high-snob of Fairfield County, Connecticut? Are you me? If so, get this tea!Bigelow Tea has combined forces with the Girl Scouts to create cookie-flavored tea. Yes, they took the easy route and combined flavors that already exist in tea, eschewing a chance at historical tea design with Tagalongs and going for ‘coconut and chocolate’ and ‘mint and chocolate,’ as if we don’t know the cookies those demarcate. I’ll review them anyway, because I, too, am powerless to the Girl Scout sales pitch, even if it is at 11PM on a Wednesday at an abandoned grocery store. Continue reading “Bigelow Caramel and Coconut Girl Scout (Samoa) Black Tea”
A few weeks ago, The Bedfellow and I went to the Capital Grille in Times Square for an evening of wine, steak, and complaining after an insane job conference. This was my third time sampling the Generous Pour, and we had an excellent evening. The Times Square location, one of three in the city, is sprawling and cavernous, with numerous alcove-like dining areas throughout the restaurant and staircases leading to private dining rooms. The acoustics were terrible and it was difficult to have a conversation without shouting across the two-top, and halfway through dinner the lights went slowly dim and then bright again like a geriatric light show for about a half hour, making for a weirdly disconcerting dining experience. Continue reading “The Generous Pour at the Capital Grille, New York, NY”
I bought baby food with my gazpacho today, and no, this isn’t a roundabout way of coming out as a sexual deviant. This baby food caught my eye the minute I walked into the store, and from the moment I slurped my soup and gazed upon the hip horror that unfolded on my smartphone before me, I knew I had to give it the ol’ one-two Foodette. Continue reading “Oh, Baby AmazeMint Baby Food”
I have arrived at the dubious conclusion that I might be okay. Yeah. It sounds pretty true when I say it out loud to myself in a coffee shop. I’m the guy wearing sunglasses indoors and scowling, come say hello! I used to joke with my friends that, like a pre-Abed, my understanding of emotional processing came from watching feature-length films, it took me three hours or less to work my way through feeling poorly, or having trouble, or getting screwed over.
In this case, it might have worked. I’m feeling harder today. My car is getting repaired and I’m approaching the realization every sentient asshole figures out sooner or later: nothing is forever and people who are smarter and have 100% more bricks than you do will take your things if they feel like it. Fine. I sang Jim Croce’s version of ‘Bad, Bad Leroy Brown’ to myself three times and now I’m over it. Continue reading “White Castle Chicken & Waffle Sandwich”
I had a number of things planned out for my future tombstone. Call it a list of superlatives, accomplishments. Things I wanted people to know about my life that seemed worthy of paying a person to painstakingly engrave into the marker of my final resting place. ‘Never enjoyed Boston,’ ‘Knew all the words to ‘The Bad Touch,’ ‘Never broke a phone,’ ‘Was heavy in the game,’ and such. But after my HTC kissed the pavement today, I can safely scratch off one of those macabre, creepy hypotheticals. Have you ever broken a phone? It’s like losing a limb. A stupid, slow limb with low battery, but a limb nevertheless. Continue reading “Wendy’s BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad”
Quasi-restaurant week? Maybe. Last week’s trip was a bacchanal with more travel and calories than your average Caesar’s Palace buffet line, so without further ado, dinner at the Benjamin with my father. It takes a special person to pick up their child at the train station and listen to them cry about eating too many oysters. The Westchester Benjamin is low-slung and dark, and has valet parking and a convivial style, but strange architecture. I’m not sure what compelled them to fit every diner in the same, widespread room, but combined with the dark lighting and volume, it felt like being at a wedding. Continue reading “The Benjamin Steakhouse Westchester, White Plains, NY”
FedEx, I don’t know what to say. You’ve disappointed me more than an orphaned elf on Christmas. Your friendly goon, bless his unknowing heart, dropped the package off at my front step. Today. It was marked ‘priority overnight.’ FedEx, I have been an overnight priority in the past, so needless to say, the fact that you have delayed my sugary booty call until Monday, at 9:10 in the morning, is nothing short of a deplorable, unAmerican act. Continue reading “Limited Edition Cookie Dough Oreo”