Weirdly enough, this contains references to two of the things I hated most in college that compelled the masses- Humans vs. Zombies and nitrous oxide. The bag is deep and dark, with claw marks, topical references to the holiday, a zombie warning sign fresh out of the clearance bin at Spencer Gifts, and lots and lots o’ Photoshop veneer. Have the beloved Takis been taken over by zombies, perhaps former communications and graphic design majors with a lust for blood, brains, and jobs with fair pay? There’s a spooky Halloween for you. I’m not sure if these particular zombies revere the complex heat of habanero or the cooling, vitamin C rich benefits of cucumbers, but either way, it’s a unique flavor concept that kicks the pants off the Lay’s wasabi chips.
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Tag: 5
Chia Pod Vanilla Bean
Food-wise, it’s been a weird week of adventures, ranging from excellent tacos from a tacky-looking chain to complimentary hotel breakfast regimens of sausages and cantaloupe. I received pheasant from a coworker, freshly shot in South Dakota, and ate impeccable Szechuan and Thai takeout. Arkansas, you crazy. I think I love you. When I’m not delighting my creditors with my flagrant burger purchases, I’m trying to eat at home- small, canape-style food like I had in Paris, and with Fresh Market so close, it’s difficult to resist the siren’s song of decent coffee and gelato. 
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Tumeric Elixir of Life Vanilla Bean
I’ve been MIA for a few reasons- for one, exams have reared their terrifying, software-based, open-booked heads and have taken over my life like an antimatter blob made of terminology and the tears of the innocent, and for two, I’m in a five-season period of mourning for the late, great Community. Damn you, Dan Harmon, you beautiful, ephemeral beast. For another, unless you’ve stalked me on LinkedIn, I’ve been preparing for my big summer move- I’m taking a week to drive to Arkansas, starting this Sunday, to begin my position as a summer associate in the legal department of a large corporation. I’ll be driving there and back, traveling west on the way down and heading south on my way back up, and will be there until late August, so expect lots of delicious Southern specialties and neat, new restaurants to review!
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Mountain Dew Cheetos
After flubbing an important interview, woozily breaking a juice fast in preparation for those interviews, and ditching the gym in the name of Holy Netflix, all to Clay Aiken’s breakaway album, “Measure of a Man,” coming home to soda-flavored corn chips was an oddly perfect consolation prize for my future career of sofa-wrangling beast. And of course, the internet has already found them, ordered them, had them shipped express, and devoured them for the world to see. Better late than never, amirite?
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Wendy’s Spicy Chipotle Jr. Cheeseburger
I hate Christmas shopping. Even though I’ve whittled down all but 20% of it to online shopping, leaving my neighbors constantly curious as to whether I’m in a drug cartel or the Make A Wish Foundation, it’s still an irksome chore. The expectations are too high. What do I want for Christmas? I want to feel genuine satisfaction, the kind that comes from inner peace and self-acceptance. So the Cinzia Rocca jacket and tub of popcorn isn’t going to cut it. But I bought gifts for people, anyway, braving the crowds of the BLEEP for the privilege of elbowing a pinch-faced woman in the chin for the last BLEEP on the shelf and waiting in line, only to make small talk with the cashier about specials on BLEEP. I forgot my mother reads this blog. Well, Mom, enjoy your BLEEP this year.
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Red Jacket Orchards Blackcurrant-Apple Juice
I’m planning a damned good brunch party for next week, to celebrate half of finals being done. I’m forsaking an advent calendar, as well as gifts for loved ones this year as a result of my personal Four Days of Finals (trademark pending) annual tradition. I’ve started it this year. The song goes like this:
On the first day of finals, my limit gave to me,
An hour-long deep tissue massage.
On the second day of finals, my limit gave to me,
Two bloody marys,
And an hour-long deep tissue massage.
On the third day of finals, my limit gave to me,
Three fingers of Laphroaig,
Two bloody marys,
And an hour-long deep tissue massage.
On the fourth day of finals, my limit gave to me,
Four pounds of steak,
Three fingers of Laphroaig,
Two bloody marys,
And an hour-long deep tissue massaaaaaaaaggggeeeeeeee. Continue reading “Red Jacket Orchards Blackcurrant-Apple Juice”
Domino’s Gluten-Free Pizza
Curiosity and a freezing cold night inspired, as my notes tell me, both action and forbearance on the part of a contract I made. Specifically, a contract with my diet. I forebeared in opting out of my daily cardio and sweatfest when my booty short-clad legs hit 20-degree air, and I acted when I looked at my sink piled with dirty dishes and ordered a pizza. From Domino’s. I know, but when your city’s GrubHub has nothing but sketchy Chinese food and free muggings with every small pizza and a soda, sometimes a little chain consistency doesn’t hurt. Plus, their 50% off coupon coincided both with finals ravishment and a curiosity to try their gluten-free pizza. Yes, I know it’s been out for over a year. No, I didn’t feel like paying $20 for something twice the size of a Lunchables pizza, despite my pleasure at having gluten-free delivery.