MTS Nutrition: Creamy Red Velvet Cake

I am officially back on the horse. I’m back at the gym, lifting to my heart’s content, and I’m gobbling protein like there’s no tomorrow. Huzzuh! So, we’re going to have a slight shift in the works for the next couple of weeks, beyond the rigmarole of whining about the bar, the lack of jobs, and the aesthetics of my current hovel. Given that I’ve decided to enter a powerlifting competition rapidly after a slightly debilitating surgery, I’m shifting gears ever so slightly to more of a health focus. There will be whey, people. There will be yogurt. There will be cookies that look like cookies and taste like a thousand children screaming of sugar deprivation.IMG_20160205_120647669Bear with me, and I will reward you with photos of my rotund body in neon-hued singlets. Continue reading “MTS Nutrition: Creamy Red Velvet Cake”

CTD Sports Isolicious: Fruity Cereal Crunch and Cinnamon Cereal Crunch

This review is generously brought to you by general anesthetic: making drinks pinker since this morning, after I had surgery, and rendering my words a little dumber each time. Foodette Reviews is filmed before a live studio audience, in bed.

Good news, it turns out they have WordPress in hell. Or do they? Not wishing to make you suffer through a multi-part, existential series in which you question my reality, mortality, and the overall being of man, I’ll let you in on a secret. My surgery was successful, I will live to lift another day. When that day will come is TBD, and until then, I’m living on my mattress, drinking cold-pressed juice and bespoke protein shakes like a motherfucker. True Life: I am very much an adult now. Cereal milk protein is my white whale, because on principle, I just don’t eat a lot of cereal any more. I take too much protein to chow down on cereal but it’s absolutely delicious and I could mainline it straight into my face.IMG_20160113_201407159 Continue reading “CTD Sports Isolicious: Fruity Cereal Crunch and Cinnamon Cereal Crunch”

Cellucor Red Velvet Whey Protein

To clarify from yesterday’s rhetoric: I am on a diet. It does not include cookies. After a grueling gym set to offset my crapital gains, I switched one red velvet for another and tried the well-timed package from Cellucor, featuring samples from their whey protein line and Royal Sport brand, available exclusively from GNC. Cellucor, as far as I can tell, is the only decent supplement company on the market making a red velvet whey protein isolate, which is awesome. I’ve lauded Cellucor before- clean protein, gluten and sugar free in most cases, and excellent blendability. This new flavor is no less awesome and accurately mimics red velvet cake, cream cheese and all. They sent over a four-serving sample bag and after my first glass, I ordered a 2lb. jug out of sheer addiction. This might be better than COR-Fetti, I’m telling you that.DSC_1597I mix my supplements with milk rather than water- I think the nutrients are important and am willing to have the extra calories and fat over having an unappetizing shake. Without a doubt, this is the best milk-based shake I’ve made. I’m afraid to try it with my go-to, vanilla almond milk, just because of how great it is with whole milk. The creaminess in the whey really enhances the cake batter flavors, and gives a sweet, frosting edge to it. I even went as far as to blend half whole milk and half fat-free kefir with this to achieve the cream cheese frosting flavor. Go hard, Foodette, go hard. Continue reading “Cellucor Red Velvet Whey Protein”

Farm to People July 2014 Box: Smoke and Spice

I went on an adventure today on a borrowed scooter. I was chased by wild dogs, no big deal, don’t worry about it. I’m exhausted now and starving. When I got home after driving through a scary park, ogling silkworm nests and eating coconut cream pie, I got an awesome box in the mail. I’ve been getting into subscription boxes lately, and when Farm to People offered to send me a box, I was keen to try their selection. I’ve got to admit, I was a little nervous- with all the specialty foods I’ve tried, I figured there would be some repeats, if not most of them. Somehow, perfection and snacks aligned– not only were there items from new companies I hadn’t heard of, but there were things I’d been ogling for months.DSC_9147-2 Continue reading “Farm to People July 2014 Box: Smoke and Spice”