Papa John’s Pepperoni Pizza with Special Garlic Sauce

I started the first day of my new job today, and we ordered pizza from Papa John’s for lunch. Never had Papa John’s before, but from what I have heard, it’s a relatively comparable chain brand, most people calling it better than Pizza Hut or Domino’s.

So the pizzas came, and to be honest, I was a bit worried. They were pretty tiny to feed eighteen people, but each piece was surprisingly filling. I had two slices and was full. Could have eaten three, but we are all good sharers in camp and took enough to feed everyone. The pizzas themselves remind me of a really well-cooked frozen pizza- the way the box wants it to look. There are those little delicious crispy dots on the cheese, saying that it’s cooked, and the color is nice and even.

The pizza itself is good, a softer and thick pizza, but not quite as thick as the DiGiorno’s I had to completely eliminate it from the pizza category. The crust is good, if a little dry. The pepperoni was all over the pizza, which was good, and it was a nice, thin slice of meat with good flavor and a nice chew to it. There was a sauce labeled only as “Special Garlic” boxed in with the pizzas, and that was quite intriguing. I’ll eat anything that looks like badly typed Engrish in Comic Sans.

I opened the sauce and found a yellow, melty substance, that could only best be described as pee. No, not pee, but it just looked like melted margarine, not a special sauce. I dipped it in my crust. Not garlicky. Not special. Just sauce. Margarine sauce.

Overall, the pizza was good. I’m not sure if I’d get it again as it is just a tiny little thing and not really worth the money, but was tasty. That being said, my pizza chain alliance lies squarely with the stuffed crust enterprise. Come on. You know that’s incredible shit.


Chili’s Chocolate Chip Molten Lava Cake

Okay, guys, sorry there’s been such a lag, but as of now, I am officially a high school graduate. This is very exciting to me.

So to celebrate, one of my friends took me out for graduation, to Lenny and Joe’s, and Chili’s for dessert. I figured I’d review the dessert aspect of the meal for you all, as it is a grand and celebratory dessert.

I had the chocolate chip molten lava cake. Many words to describe what is essentially an upside-down tart with ice cream. I can forgive, though. The tart came to me with a scoop of ice cream on top, with some of that magic shell chocolate sauce poured over it. I would have personally preferred fudge to the shell, as it made the entire ice cream presentation more cumbersome than fudge may have.

I ate the ice cream first so I could have room for the tart and eat it as it was presented. But to my surprise and horror, the ice cream was a ruse! It was a mask for the true nature of the tart. Chili’s skimped. Instead of making a tart with either ganache injected into the middle or an under-baked, “lava” center, they made a completely hollow tart, with a hole in the middle, like a very dense french cruller or a small angel cake, and poured fudge sauce in.

The sauce was good, though, and poured out the side. It was a nice, thick fudge sauce. The cake was dense and reminded me less of a chocolate chip cookie than a stale pound cake. Too crunchy, like it had been overmicrowaved, but it sopped up the melted ice cream and sauce around the edges relatively well.

Overall, not my favorite dessert, and nutritionally, nobody’s favorite. With 1240 calories and 64 grams of fat, this is pretty gross. And it’s small, too.

Don’t buy it. Please. For me. For the children.

3/10- LAME

McDonald’s Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips

So yeah. The Foodette has officially branched off into a good food, bad food roulette-style blog. Patricia will be showing you the right way to eat, and I will be boldly stepping off into the intrepid “not” section.

My dad brought me McDonald’s today, a rare treat. People will laugh. I will get fatty jokes, probably from malicious exes, but I do not care. I lost fifteen pounds and sprinted today, trying to catch a runaway Bichon, ergo, I deserved it.

So he brought me the five-piece Chicken Selects, which, ironically, I had just read about as one of the top five worst items to order at Mickey D’s. Mmmmm. Coronaries. So tasty. So the McAwesome boasts a whopping 660 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 1680 grams of sodium. It’s a lot to handle, especially coupled with the archetypal- ha ha, arch? Like the golden arches? Fuck it. Coupled with the NORMAL combo of fries and a Coke, or whatever your liquid poison may be, it’s a lot of calories.

I ate the entire box. I was starving. It was also the first thing I’d eaten today, but hey, I don’t need to defend myself. The chicken itself comes with a variety of dipping sauces. A good choice on the part of McDonald’s, because the chicken can tend to be a bit dry.

I don’t know if it’s my KFC or the chain in general, but their chicken is odious. It’s basically batter around gristle. Not this chicken, though. While it’s not Lenny and Joe’s, a review which I must do with gumption, as it is the best chicken ever. Maybe a trip with Patricia? While it’s not theirs, it falls in a pretty solid middle category. The breading is lightly flavored with black pepper, and needs no salt. The sauces- buffalo, ranch, honey mustard, and barbecue- are all solid, good sauces that do well with the chicken.

Texture-wise, this is no McNugget. McDonald’s isn’t fucking with you here, because there’s no guessing as to where the meat comes from. It’s a meatier texture than the Nugget, which had that greasy, softer texture we all knew and enjoyed, but in return, is less greasy. In fact, it’s not very greasy at all. More of a dry breading than anything else.

The pieces are quite large. A good four, five bites apiece. I like them. Three pieces is very filling, five makes a meal. I wouldn’t eat it too often, but it’s too tasty to pass up when you just can’t have homemade fried chicken. For a mass produced place, this chicken is good.

It runs a little steep- six bucks for a meal, but it’s a good value.
7/10- TASTY

Burger King Butterfinger Creme Pie

This is the second of four pie or pie-flavored items in Burger King’s menu, and it was great, but falls short of the standard I hold to the Hershey creme pie.

It’s basically another silk pie, with a peanut-butter creme studded with Butterfingers, topped with whipped cream, chocolate drizzle, and more Butterfinger pieces, all on a peanut-butter graham crust.

The photo looks hefty, almost overwhelmingly topped with candy and chocolate, but the real pie is just a little underwhelming. I had maybe three chocolate drizzles and tasted one chuck of Butterfinger throughout the entire pie. Don’t get me wrong, the taste was delicious, it was just too bland. The peanut-butter creme didn’t have any candy in it and just tasted like more whipped cream. The crust was very tasty, though. I love the texture juxtaposition of crumbly cookies and cream.

I’d get it again, but I have to try the Oreo “pie” shake now and the Dutch apple pie before I judge the ultimate winner.

5/10- OKAY

Burger King Iced Mocha

I bought this in its only size, a medium, today.

The cup is strange. It’s very slender and rather thick, and the straw has a very large diameter, more appropriately suited for bubble tea or milkshake.

This drink was lukewarm. I thought it would have more ice than it did, as there is a specific little line on the cup for where to fill it with ice. It had no chocolate swirl like the photo showed or barely any chocolate flavoring. Come to think of it, it barely had any coffee flavoring. It was basically lukewarm whole milk with a twinge of brown dye, coffee extract and chocolate scent.

This was an awful drink. If I get a mocha anything, I’ll stick to Starbucks, because their mochas are just supreme.

1/10- GROSS

Burger King Tendercrisp Sandwich and Fries

My mom treated me to BK a few days back, and who am I to pass up a free meal?

I opened up the sandwich, and it was hefty, but no- that was just the vegetables. I don’t like them. To their credit, I had two large slices of tomato and a good piece of lettuce. It helps to order without mayonnaise, because then there’s no “sog” factor.

The piece of chicken was no reconstituted meat for sure. It was tasty, flavorful even on its own, and the bun was good. A nice corn-dusted bun. But it just wasn’t anything special, nothing for me to rave about to my friends. Honestly, I’d be better off getting the McDonald’s Southern Chicken Sandwich for $2.89 or the cheaper McChicken compared to this five-buck price. It’s cheaper, more flavorful, and more filling.

My advice? Go to BK for dessert and the Enormous Omelette Sandwich.
5/10- LAME

Moving onto the fries. No matter how many times I go to Burker King, the fries are always lukewarm at best. They’ve always had this strange taste with their batter, like the taste of panko without the texture. They’re “eh” at best. If anything, their cheesy tots are better.

3/10- GROSS

Burger King Orange Icee


It’s certainly been a while since I’ve had an Icee, but for 1.00 for twelve ounces, how could I pass it up?

It was an orange Icee, with that creamy slush-style that we’re all accustomed to. Not my favorite- I prefer a Slush Puppy style, chipped ice and syrup drink, but we can’t all have what we want.

However, I was pleasantly surprised to sip this and taste not orange, but my favorite soda of all time- Stew Leonard’s Orange Cream, which I’ll soon be doing a review on. I had no idea this was dreamsicle flavored!

The ice wasn’t consistently textured. Sometimes, little blobs, like Dippin’ Dots, of ice came up in the straw. Interesting, at the least. But the flavor was tasty and not burning-sugary.

6/10- TASTY

Wendy’s French Fries

Image Copyright Biggest Menu

I got these fries with my chicken.

They came in their trademark container. I was surprised to find that they were a little dry. They were very tasty- with that slightly soft characteristic of Wendy’s fries, but were just not hot enough. They tasted like they’d been waiting, which is very strange, being that it was 10:30 in the morning and they would have just opened.

Something about Wendy’s salt, though, I don’t even know what, is just delicious. Something strange, because it’s just regular table salt, but it makes those fries good.

Overall, they’re not bad fries. They’re NOT Lenny and Joe’s, which I’ll have to review soon, but they’re not bad for their quality and price. Just wish there weren’t so many potato spears as fries…

5/10- NOT BAD

SNACKDOWN: Wendy’s 99 cent Crispy Chicken Sandwich vs. Burger King’s Spicy Chick’n Crisper

I’m back, the AP tests are over, and I celebrated with a small brunch: A Snackdown!

Today’s Snackdown was between two value menu chicken sandwiches, from Wendy’s and from Burger King.

Image Copyright Behind the Hype- I’ll have a new camera soon!

Many people have said the BK sandwich was dry and flavorless, so I wasn’t expecting much, but it was very, very tasty. Mine looked just like this, but no lettuce. It’s very true that the Wendy’s Sandwich was much thicker, but this sandwich was very good. I liked the flavoring. It wasn’t very spicy like the Wendy’s regular spicy chicken sandwich, but it had spices to it, and flavored very well.

The Wendy’s sandwich is clearly the best value and quality for its price. At 99 cents, the chicken patty is freaking huge and the bun is the softest and tastiest bun you could eat. The chicken breading is really good. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s not greasy, and it might be panko crumbs. Regardless, it’s good, and the chicken is very thick.

Image Copyright Brand Eating

Unlike the Burger King, the Wendy’s is definitely a real, whole piece of chicken, whereas BK is somewhat reconstituted. But I’m torn. Who will win this Snackdown? They’re both amazing.


WENDY’S- 8/10

I have to judge this as a draw, though. However, the real winner would be if Wendy’s put their amazing chicken in a spicy sandwich. GrubGrade is right. We need a 99 cent spicy chicken sandwich. It would be Jesus.


Taco Bell Nachos

Image Copyright Taco Bell

Today I had three bucks on me, so I decided to go and get nachos from Taco Bell. They have three varieties on their value menu, for 79, 89, and 99 cents.

The 79 cent nachos, affectionately known as the triple layer nachos, were covered in a mix of refried beans, cheese, and red sauce. Not sure if I’d count “red sauce” as a layer, but whatever. These are good, and only good if made fresh out of the oven. I’ve had these before, and they were delicious. The chips all had ample amounts of topping scooped on, and there was extra leftover to be eaten with a fork. But these nachos were gross. They’d obviously been sitting out for a while, because the cheese had a skin over it and the chips that were covered with topping had reached the consistency of warm noodles. It reached the point where I wasn’t able to pick them up anymore because they were completely limp and falling apart.

3/10- ICKY

The 89 cent nachos were the beefy five layer nachos, and they were quite good. These were freshly made. Either they have a separate distribution for these or they just ran out of triple layer nachos to plop beef on, but the chips were as they always are- translucent with grease and deliciously salty, and covered in the same toppings as the triple layer nachos with the addition of seasoned beef and shredded cheese.

I like the way my local Taco Bell makes these, because the beef is so deliciously tender. It’s not chunky or gloppy beef. It’s just the right amount of moisture and makes the meal delicious, like eating the perfect, tiny taco.

The 99 cent nachos were the same as the others- standard cheese, sauce, and bean base, but no shredded beef and tomatoes, guacamole, and sour cream. Think of a seven layer dip. That’s what this is. Unfortunately, my toppings seemed to be squirted out by a mechanical squirter in perfect dollops, because there was a section for each topping, instead of being evenly distributed across the chips. There was a lot of topping. I almost wish the veggie and seven-layer stuff had been under a layer of chips with the gooey part on top, as the rest didn’t seem to hold up well.


All in all, these were some okay nachos. Could I make better? Yes. For less than a buck? No. That’s why we eat them. They’re cheap and filling and sometimes taste good. The Chihuahua liked them. Why not me?