Cadbury Bournville

Dark chocolate. When said too many times, it sounds like a bad pornographic film. Daaaaaark chocolate. I feel like there should be a synthesizer playing softly in the background.This hot number in the red suit is the Cadbury Bournville, and as Rebecca tells me, the best dark chocolate. We shall see. Cadbury is positively ace at making milk chocolate, but how do they fare on the dark side? The Bournville, aside from having a fantastically pretentious name, like a microbrew or a fancy hotel, comes off in large chunks that are big enough to stifle a full-grown mother or at least distract her from a lecture on skinny-dipping in thunderstorms and its risks.The flavor is really, really milky, almost like a milk chocolate, and the melt is grainy at first, but smooths out towards the end. It’s funny, with all the experience I have with dark chocolate, this just resembles more of a high end milk than a dark. It’s only 39% cocoa solids, a little paltry for a dark chocolate. My personal favorite for a dark percentage is around 54%, but this makes it a rather good mixture of tastes and textures from each chocolate. The flavor is caramelly and smooth, and reminded me of hot chocolate powder with its texture and taste.

This was a tasty chocolate bar, much better than a regular US bar, but not quite to the standards of dark chocolate that I generally frequent. If this were, as stated, a porno, it would be in the discount bin, covered with stains and packaged with naked midget wrestling. Its heart is in the right place, but it just don’t have the balls.

Milk Coffee Kit Kat

In every relationship, there’s always a hierarchy between partners, an age-old fact that presents itself with the dawn of each day. This has recently come up in my own partnership, and has led me to question all that I know in my day-to-day happenings.

And still, the fact of the matter remains- Keepitcoming Love makes the best morning coffee. I make delicious eggs. Case closed.

It’s just how it’s always gone. We’ll both do breakfast or I’ll slip down and whip something up, and she makes the coffee. But sometimes, we’ll be sitting in our robes on the chaise lounge, listening to The Zombies on Pandora, and I’ll come bounding up like a puppy saying, “Surprise! I made coffee!”, and we’ll both take a sip and simultaneously wince.

“Did you use the coffee spoon?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you use the right ratio?”
“Oh, totally.”
“Really?”
“I might have done a little improvising here and there, but it’s okay, right?”

She’ll take a few sips. I’ll shrug and say something about how nice the weather is and inconspicuously try to mix sriracha into the coffee. It fixes everything, right? And halfway to a terrible, watery grave, we’ll look at each other and say, “This coffee is pretty bad.” She’ll stroke my head and tell me I’ll learn- someday. I’ll sigh. And she’ll pad back to make another pot of coffee. And that’s one of many reasons why I love her.

It’s how it’s always gone. As much as I’d like to wake up earlier than she does and bring her coffee in bed, it’s just not a skill I’ve cultivated yet. Until now. Now, I can bring her this new finding, the milk coffee Kit Kat bar from the Asian grocery, and essentially emulate the idea of coffee in a single serving of a candy bar.Originally, I was convinced this was a tea-flavored Kit Kat, because the package had photographs of cherry blossoms and a cup of something tea colored, so I naturally assumed it was. Not so. When I bit into this bar, I got an intense, dark rush of coffee, like eating a chocolate covered coffee bean. If it weren’t for the white chocolate around it, I’d have been turned off to the flavor, as without the extra sugar, it is quite bitter. I’m not sure if the white chocolate is supposed to imitate the milk addition to a cup of coffee, but it certainly sweetens it up and cuts the bitterness.I was surprised at how much I liked this bar, because I’m more inclined towards chocolates with caramel and peanut butter flavors in it, so this was an entirely foreign experience. The size of the bar, a miniature Kit Kat, was perfect. Any larger would have been overkill. The wafers in this were crisp and airy, and gave a nice textural depth to the candy. All in all, it provided an accurate coffee experience that I’d be glad to serve Keepitcoming in lieu of my strange brew.

Cadbury Crunchie

Edit: Swap-Twats, begone! TL; DR, leave my site be. Thanks. Once again, I’ve signed up for another quirky website with lavish intentions and once again, I have failed miserably. I tried doing this Swap Bot thing, where you send one person a package and someone else sends you one, in a misguided attempt to make friends and get food from around the world, but alas, I wasn’t able to go to the post office and ended up forgetting the deadlines, but am now receiving packages from people anyhow.

One of the packages was from a girl named Rebecca in the UK, whom, if she doesn’t utterly despise me for not upholding the Swap Bot sacrament, I’d love to swap more with in the future. She send an utter panoply of goodies for me to review, one of which was the Cadbury Crunchie bar. Having tried one of these in the far past, it was nothing short of miraculous to have one again.Cadbury takes Milton Hershey himself and curbstomps the shit out of him. The coating of chocolate around the Crunchie is far preferable to an entire bar. Not only is this the real deal, straight from the UK, but it is a lot less sweet than the flavor a whole block of it would yield. That being said, that coating is generously applied and is rich and creamy. It does, in a small layer outside of the bar, what two Hershey bars rarely touch at. It completely satisfies the need for chocolate and delivers a powerful and amazing addition to the center of the bar.That center consists of a gradient colored honeycomb center. When you bite into the bar, the comb doesn’t shatter, but because of its foamy, packed texture, simply breaks off cleanly and leaves no mess. The center of the bar is a little more brittle and aerated than the sides, which remind me of floral styrofoam, slightly powdery and crumbling nicely. The flavor is nice and subtle, with a little honey and a little malt, and goes well with the chocolate to make a chocolate bar that isn’t too sweet at all. It’s perfect. I need more. I think I’ve found my new partner in crime.

Three Sister’s Becca Bar

Here’s an interesting confection, the likes of which I’ve never seen before getting a sample from Three Sister’s Chocolate. It’s called a Becca Bar, and it combines the best of chocolate with the best of going to the movies- a massive wedge of caramel and popcorn, mainly focusing on the former, enrobed in dark chocolate with white chocolate stripes.I think it goes without saying that only Chuck Norris can finish this bar in one sitting. Personally, I delighted in cutting wedges off and sharing them with friends. The inner caramel is extremely chewy and sweet. I think I might have liked a sprinkling of sea salt on top to contrast the sweetness, but the dark chocolate did a good job of that, too. The pieces of popcorn are very crispy and full. They’ve only used the mushroom variety of popcorn, so the pieces are big and fluffy. I wished that there was more popcorn in the caramel, because it was definitely mainly that. It was just a solid brick of candy.The chocolate, in a surprisingly thick later on the outside, was a good, woodsy contrast to the sugary inside and also had less of a coconut flavor than some chocolates I’ve had. It was good. It took me a while to chip away at it, though. Becca Bars are daunting for the average person, and I’d definitely recommend cutting yours into little “Becca Bites” or eating it over the course of a few days.

These and other delicious treats are available online at www.3sisterschocolate.com.

Sinfully Delicious Dessert Sprays and Candy Bites

It was a relatively normal night and Captain Crunch and I were watching Unwrapped, when we saw these strange little pills Mark Summers was…reviewing, and when he was…back, in the style of Mark Summers with those strange vocal pauses, we were on the internet, ordering them. They promised to cure our cravings for real dessert both in the form of sprays and pills. And I’m reviewing those today, readers!

Also, the winner for the next theme week, by a nose, is spicy week! Get your kleenex ready because I see tears in the future. Next theme week will be next Sunday. Also, get your entries in for the contest or I’ll have to eat all the leftovers by myself…Starting with the sprays. Serving size is two squirts, and the spray sampler pack came with strawberry cheesecake, key lime pie, cinnamon apple pie, and milk chocolate turtle. They’re in handy spray bottles so you can put it in your bag and strangely squirt it into your mouth while your friends are eating tiramisu, but to each his own.

I started with the milk chocolate turtle. It’s always a little odd, waiting for the sprayer to kick in because I’m sitting here holding this bottle to my mouth like a baby bird until it actually does spray. And when it did spray, it didn’t taste like turtle at all. It tasted like overly sweet iced coffee. I literally tasted no chocolate and the caramel was very fake and artificial. Captain Crunch and I agree: eat a Russell Stover low-fat turtle instead of this. 0

The next one up to bat was the key lime pie spray. It tasted limey, all right, about as “limey” as my fake British ex-boyfriend. It was like eating a dry Kool-Aid packet. I’ll give them credit- they did make it taste like lime, but there was no other flavor and that one flavor wasn’t even done very well. Too sugary, too intense, too artificial. 1After that was the strawberry cheesecake, which had also fallen victim to the artificial flavor syndrome. It was intensely strawberry, in a syrupy, in your face fashion. I didn’t taste cream cheese or crust, just really badly rendered strawberries. 0

The last of the sprays, thankfully, was the cinnamon apple pie spray. We steeled ourselves for the worst, but actually, it wasn’t so bad at all. It tasted warm, with a definitely prominent cinnamon flavor and an apple note, though artificial, and came together with a nice caramel taste. I don’t think I’d carry these around in my purse, as they don’t curb my cravings for desserts, but the concept was different and the apple one wasn’t actually bad at all. These did remind me of those candy sprays we all had as kids, though. 5

Next up were the dessert pills. These are really the most futuristic, offering the equivalent taste of any sumptuous dessert contained in each pill. The selections are as varied as a Las Vegas Buffet, with orange dreamsicle, mocha cappuccino cake, and more.The first dessert pill I tried, actually, while half asleep, was the banana cream pie. It was really tasty, and had both a creamy, rich banana flavor and a grahamy aftertaste in the middle. It was also less of an artificial banana than I’d assumed. I thought that although I’d never take this over an actual slice of banana cream pie, it was very silky and tasty. The texture of these is very smooth and consistent. There’s no graininess in them. 7

After that was chocolate hazelnut toffee. This one really tasted more artificial than the rest of them, with the hazelnut in the representation of the aforementioned bad coffee and the chocolate taking on a tootsie roll flavor. Not so great. The texture was kind of grainy, too, and had little granules of sugar in it. 2Next was the mocha butterscotch sundae. The butterscotch was really prominent in this one, and it had the same silkiness of the banana cream pie. I really didn’t taste any coffee in this one, unfortunately, and had more of the buttery, rum-like flavor than the rest of the sundae. This, although it wasn’t an accurate representation of the aforementioned flavor, was tasty and average. 5

Deciding to try a real coffee flavor, I went for the mocha cappuccino cake. Whoa. Talk about coffee. This one was granulated and had a slower melt, but was very, very concentrated in the coffee flavor, definitely dominating over the chocolate and cake tastes. It was very tasty and definitely had a nice and strong coffee flavor in it, if slightly artificial. 6

Key lime pie was one of the flavors from the sprays, so I was hoping it would be a little better. I was right. The lime was smooth, a lot more subtle and sweet, with a creamy texture, and less artificial, Although I would have preferred more of a graham flavoring, this was definitely one of the best. 7After that was a milk chocolate truffle. This was fantastic, and made me wonder why all the other chocolate-based flavors had such bad chocolate flavoring. It tasted like chocolate whipped cream and definitely best resembled its dessert partner. 8

Apple cinnamon pie was bright red and tasted like a Yankee Candle and an Altoid had a baby. The cinnamon flavor was fresh and gave a little bit of spice to the pie, but the apple flavor was just off. A little odd, but still very buttery and good. Even better than the spray. 8

The next one was one of my favorites. Chocolate, peanuts, and caramel tasted exactly like a chocolate covered Baby Ruth bar. It was slightly salty, a little sweet, and carried all the elements of the flavors in it. If I were to order a single pack of these, it would be in this flavor, because everything mingled really well and best emulated the bar. 9

The biggest disappointment of the box was the one I had the most hope for, the orange dreamsicle. What could have been creamy and fruity tasted like St. Joseph’s baby aspirin and a crappy Starburst knock off. It was acidic and artificial and nowhere near reminiscent of a dreamsicle. What a shame. 0

Strawberry cheesecake worried me, because I thought it would be reminiscent of the spray. It was absolutely incredible. The strawberry flavoring was more subtle and had a creaminess to it like an actual cheesecake, and was sweet without being saccharine. 7

The peach cobbler failed miserably, tasting like I accidentally ate some of my shampoo or body wash instead of a piece of candy. It had only the peach flavoring, no other notes, and that was artificial and tangy. 0

Saving the best for last, though, I prepared for the peanut butter cup. It was fantastic. Unlike an actual peanut butter cup, you get the peanut butter flavoring first and then the chocolate. I was amazed at how different this was from the chocolate, peanuts, and caramel, because the peanut butter was both salty and rich and yet different from the peanuts. Not as much chocolate as I’d have liked in here, but still damned good. 9

All in all, I liked these as a novelty, but they’re definitely not the real thing. I’d invest my time and money in creating lower fat, indulgent versions of the desserts instead of relegating yourself to a tiny pill.

Tropical Nerds Rope

Since Massachusetts is essentially, a muggy tropical oasis, I figured I’d review something vaguely reminiscent of that, so behold! The Nerds tropical rope.

I don’t know, but I never really wanted to eat the Nerds on the package so much as hang out with them and maybe have a little pet Nerd of my own.
Okay, so maybe that’s the wrong idea. But they always looked like they were having a ton of fun on their own private island or wherever and here I was, the almighty fun wrecker, eating them and crunching their little sugar bodies between my teeth.
This candy is the slightly more convenient Nerds Rope, which you can use to beat your friends with, make a braid with, or just eat. It falls into the category of “candies that are superior to most others because of their unusual length, height, whatever, as opposed to taste,” like those yardsticks of bubblegum. That being said, it comes a few inches short of the packaging, clocking in at around eight or nine inches. What I also love about the packaging is how the “design as well as product shape are trademarks of Nestle,” like there’s a serious copyright and patent behind a vaguely turd shaped candy. God forbid someone chocolate coats it.It’s a very springy candy, in the chew. The little Nerds are well adhered to the gummy rope of the candy, and only a few fell off. There are four different colors of Nerds on the rope, and as far as I can tell, I can’t discern any individual flavor from them, but there’s a very strong pineapple and coconut flavor to it. The rope on the inside tastes like green apple.

The texture is pretty nice. It starts out crunchy and then gets sandy, like a gummy worm, as you chomp the inside part. It’s a little tangy, a little sour, but that could also be from the flavor. This has some serious citrus flavoring. Overall, though, I liked this snack, but I definitely prefer newer chocolate selections. I think the concept is interesting and appreciated that Nestle actually went through with a tropical flavor and stuck to their guns instead of generic “fruit.”

Pretzel M&M’s

Well, I think you all know what today is, and there will be a special post about it later, but today is the official one year anniversary of Foodette.

On the food, though, I was pleased to find an awesome birthday treat at Walmart the other day, while shopping with Swagger for Dorm Week. Pretzel M&M’s! For those of us who like pretzels without becoming slaves to the Flipz Industry, these are superheroes. Pretzels are great, but they’re mild. They’re like Peter Parker, Clark Kent, Billy Batson, Arthur Curry, and Jimmy Olson. Nobody looks at them twice and sometimes they’re thought of as being kind of girlish.But put some chocolate on those suckers and, with all the onomatopoeia, these are absolutely insane. They’re the perfect combination of sweet and salty, good and evil, and are pretty darn cute. The pretzel M&M’s are big, smaller than the almond ones but around the same size as a peanut butter M&M, and have a little pretzel inside with the chocolate and candy coating around them. There was a good chocolate flavor and the pretzel inside was nice and crunchy, and I thought the ratio of coating to pretzel was perfect. The pretzel itself had a toasty, crisped flavor, but never tasted overcooked or burnt.Power lies in numbers if you’re a superhero, and this candy falls a little short on that. There were only ten candies in one of the packs we opened and fifteen in the other, so we felt a little gypped. The taste is definitely excellent, but I’d recommend getting a big bag of these. You fall prey to their charms rather innocuously. That being said, these were fantastic at Kick-Ass, and they’re nearly the Skrull equivalent to the ill-fated Crispy M&M’s, so they might just replace peanut butter in the long run.

Twix Triple Chocolate

I’ve been trying a lot of chocolate lately. My friends love sharing it with me, and I feel indulged because it’s pretty nice chocolate, with undertones and notes and special flavors, but I feel like it’s been too long since I’ve had a plain, regular chocolate bar, so when I saw this in the convenience store, I had to give it a try.The Twix Triple Chocolate has the same chocolate coating with a chocolate cookie and chocolate caramel on top. It’s still in the same two stick format, which I always enjoyed. Biting into it, there’s that great texture combination of crumbly cookie and chewy caramel, but it really pales in comparison to the Alfajores and Clairesquares I tried. The “chocolate” caramel doesn’t really taste like chocolate, but rather just has a brown color. It’s chewy, but a little too toothsome for me.The cookie underneath is definitely chocolatey, but there’s no depth to it otherwise. It’s far more dense than the shortbread I’ve had, and the chocolate seemed to alter the texture of it. On the outside, the shell was the same, slightly waxy chocolate we’re all used to, but the inside was just not the Twix experience that I generally enjoy. I found that I liked the peanut butter better, whereas this just muddled into a singular taste with no distinction whatsoever. It wasn’t that it was a bad bar, it was just bland and unrefined. I think I’ll stick to regular Twix.

Cadbury Mini Eggs

Everyone gets these around Easter, or, for most of us, when it stopped snowing and it hit March, these hit Walgreens and everyone went nuts. I mean, they’re absolutely irresistible. When I see these, it really is the first sign of spring for me. You can screw the robins and crocuses. I want the Cadbury Mini Eggs.What they are, essentially, is Cadbury’s best dairy milk chocolate in an egg shape, with a candy shell around it in a springy color, but the shell is what really makes the treat. It’s not like an M&M, shiny and shellacked, and it doesn’t have that generic sugar flavor. It’s vanilla, malty, with ton of crisp, and thicker than the average shell on most candy coated chocolates.The chocolate is a pretty interesting story. It’s an extremely creamy and rich flavor, despite being an American subsidiary of Hershey, whom we all know makes relatively lame chocolate, and is well crafted and tasty. It doesn’t have a lot of depth to it, but it’s still a fantastic taste, and is very thick once it melts. I’d love to use these in a cookie or cake to see how they’d cook because of the chocolate’s quality.

Overall, it’s a tasty treat and a filling one at that. I’m easily satisfied with one of these bags, as it has anywhere from 15-17 eggs, and that’s more than enough for me.

Cocoa Dolce’s Quick Fix

Recently, I had the opportunity to try some of Cocoa Dolce’s truffles and assorted selections, which I’ll be popping into review over the course of a few weeks. Starting off the review is the “Quick Fix” selection, which, I might add, came packaged along with the other chocolates in the cutest presentation I have ever been privy to receiving.I could flee the country with this suitcase and nobody would miss me.

It came with boarding passes and a map of the chocolates, and it was adorable. It was definitely one of the most original ideas I’ve ever seen. I loved how, instead of just packing some extra chocolate selections, they chose to include the airline boarding passes as gift certificates and let me pick them out online. It was a really adorable selection, and the box was very classy, with a wax seal and raffia ribbon.Anyhow, onto the signature truffles. I got a special selection that you’ll all come to expect, but for now, the Cocoa Dolce Quick Fix. Not to be consumed in an airline bathroom while humping a stranger. Since this is a selection, I’ll rate them all on a scale of 1-10, and then average that number for an overall rating.(Left to right, starting at the top: Mayan, carmello noce, lemon, strawberry, cinnamon orange, champagne, mocha, gianduia, and raspberry)

The first one we ate was a raspberry truffle. We liked the pink dots on it, and thought it was a very cute truffle, but the taste didn’t deliver. It didn’t taste fresh and the ganache was blended with raspberry rather than separate jelly, and it was unimpressive. 5

The next one was the lemon truffle, and we were unanimous in our agreement that this was the prettiest of the truffles. The flavor was really creamy and went extremely well with the white chocolate, and it was tart, like a lemon meringue pie, but was offset by the milkiness of the chocolate. We liked it a lot. 8

The strawberry champagne had an interesting texture. It was coated in sugar, which was, like I said, interesting texturally, but the sugar made the entire truffle too sweet. The strawberry, which was billed as organic, had an artificial flavor and completely overpowered the chocolate. We weren’t pleased. 3

The mocha truffle was very tall and regal and presented itself well. One interesting aspect was the espresso bean, which nobody really wanted after dinner because then we’d all have to bounce off the walls, was actually fake- it was made of chocolate! So once we figured that out, we whacked the truffle up. The ganache inside was semi-liquid and fluid, and slightly grainy. It was very strong and really tasty. I normally don’t like coffee, but the dark flavors of the ganache and the coffee went really well together. Erik and my father liked this the best. 9

After that, we tried the champagne chocolate truffle. This one was the booziest of all, and definitely tasted like some kind of alcohol, but not necessarily a discernible champagne. The chocolate cut the strong alcoholic flavor, and so did the sugar, but it was still a little sharp on the palate. 4

The next one was my personal favorite, the cinnamon orange. It was warm and rich, and the chocolate was a nice, and thin shell that just barely melted on my tongue, and along with it came the sensation of the cinnamon. The orange ganache reminded me of a Terry’s chocolate orange, one of my favorite childhood treats, and the zest really provided a good, fresh contrast to the richness of the chocolate. 10

Coming up a close second was the gianduia, but mainly because of my affinity- (okay, lust) need-(okay, addiction) problem with Nutella. I mean, this was basically Nutella in a gorgeous ball of chocolate. The nuts added some good contrast and a nice crunch, and the goo on the inside was sweet without burning my throat. And it was just like gourmet Nutella. NOM. 9

We then tried a carmello noce, which was caramel cream wrapped in chocolate with a pecan on top. I liked the dichotomy of the pecan and caramel cream, like a soft, less chewy turtle, but thought that a little more nut might have worked out better. 8

The last truffle was a mayan truffle, and I have to applaud the ingenuity on this one. The ganache was balanced really well with the flavors of honey and vanilla, chili and cinnamon, and although we tasted more of the sweet than the savory, we really did think that this was a keeper in our books. 10