Easter. It’s a popular holiday, from what I’ve heard! I celebrate holidays in the same way some people eat at buffets- I sample. I’m bipartisan to both Hanukkah and Christmas, I indulge in brisket at Passover, and I gladly collect my basket when the rabbit comes around. And I love Easter candy- it’s guileless, it lacks the weird brand and character reliance and codependency of Valentine’s Day candy, and seems to have the most variation from year to year. This year alone, we’ve seen an entire Duff Goldman’s worth of cake flavors from Russell Stover, and now, mutant Peeps! I reserve the right to call them Creeps. Continue reading “Sour Watermelon Marshmallow Peeps”
Disclaimer: I am a member of the Collective Bias Social Fabric Community. The shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. Queers need love, too- if you need it, check out K-Y couples lubricant. Yes, this paid 1/4 of my rent. Warning! Descriptions of cute, queer dinner and relatively tame lovin’ underneath the covers ahead. Proceed at your own sexy risk…and have a happy V-day!What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? We’re planning by having a few date nights in advance of the big holiday. We’ve been doing a few of those lately, especially because I’ve been away on a few work trips for summer interviews. A few weeks ago, we gorged on $1 oysters at our favorite raw bar. Last week, we sprawled in front of a friend’s television to watch a marathon of our new guilty telepleasure, Cutthroat Kitchen. The premise is stupid. Alton Brown is inexplicably unlikable. We watched three hours of it. And tonight, we collaborated on a tasty vegetarian dinner and played with my new Rosle mandolin slicer and ended the night in a most delicious manner…read on to see what we did, and how I surprised my sweetie with some tasty treats. Continue reading “Date Night with Orange, Hothouse Cuke and Chickpea Salad #ad”
It’s been difficult for me to strike a good balance lately. One of the benefits of running a small blog like this is small fame- little notoriety, the product of hard work and awful writing, and having my name on a small corner of the world. It’s one of the detriments as well. I own this, but in a world where it is becoming increasingly common to scour the ‘net for any trace of Hunger Games fanfiction in order to see if your applicant qualifies to be a bathroom attendant, a girl’s gotta be careful. And the pressure is on. I’m applying for real, live summer jobs as a real, live summer associate or law clerk or 80’s power suit representative. So I’m having trouble talking, I guess. Continue reading “Big Slice Kettle-Cooked Apples Cherry Vanilla”
Thank you for coming across my online guide on how to perform a successful incision and extraction of cookie dough creme from a baked, yeast-based heart donut. In this step by step guide, I will detail the vivisection, extraction, and recovery period.To start, you will need a Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut, in the requisite heart formation. Continue reading “Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut”
I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias and its client. My parents make me pay my own bills now! Kind of. #CollectiveBias
Not too long ago, I was in New York City, and needed some snacks for my train ride home. I picked up a few odds and ends at Duane Reade, but didn’t finish them on the ride. I thought they’d make a fun dessert trail mix for your next event, or just to snack on. It has a little sweet, a little heat, and plenty of fruit and chocolate. I used pieces of a chocolate bar with nuts, but you could also make it nut-free if anyone in your family or friend group has a nut allergy. Continue reading “#shop Dessert Trail Mix”
Golden Oreos, you have come home at last. You were bland and played second fiddle to Vienna Fingers when you first came out on the market, and came into the eye of the public with your controversial, yet ultimately progressive Heads or Tails pairing. Unfortunately, you faltered with Birthday Cake Oreos, because nobody wants a vanilla-on-vanilla birthday cake. It wasn’t your fault. The descent had begun. Watermelon Oreo, Gingerbread Oreo, Banana Split Oreo, Neapolitan Oreo. Jesus, what were you, Madonna? Continue reading “Limited Edition Marshmallow Crispy Oreos”
Student Life at the Dawn of the Millennium, people. Sometimes I swear that it gets harder and harder each day. It leads to vice, the small, justifiable kind like eating cookies long before most people are awake, or long after they’re at work. Alone. In sweatpants. The sole unwashed pair in a sea of clean laundry. Citing briefs in my briefs. It’s a beautiful life. I’d like to pat myself on the back for both tracking down these cookies and successfully calling over 30 Walmarts in Connecticut without an ounce of self-loathing. It turns out that merely asking (okay, begging) the public relations team will yield cookies, albeit 24 hours after considering driving to Topeka, Nowhere to see if their Dollar General has them. Continue reading “Ritz Cheese Sandwiches Camembert and Black Pepper, Cheddar and Almond”
After flubbing an important interview, woozily breaking a juice fast in preparation for those interviews, and ditching the gym in the name of Holy Netflix, all to Clay Aiken’s breakaway album, “Measure of a Man,” coming home to soda-flavored corn chips was an oddly perfect consolation prize for my future career of sofa-wrangling beast. And of course, the internet has already found them, ordered them, had them shipped express, and devoured them for the world to see. Better late than never, amirite? Continue reading “Mountain Dew Cheetos”
What’s the next holiday? Houseplant Appreciation Day? Fuck that. I’m bad at holidays. The holiday that I am the worst at is Valentine’s Day. This is because I am not a twee blogger. I am not the type of person to create a clever, heart-themed meal for my DGNP (dear gender-neutral partner) or frost a perfectly color-coordinated cake in my footprint-sized kitchen. For the last three Valentine’s Days celebrated, I have, in reverse chronological order, sent a Gucci scarf overseas that never arrived, gone to a convention, and dated a guy. Woof, man. This year, I expect to do fairly well. I’m going to a job fair. But it won’t be so terrible, because there is no way I can do as poorly as these Red Velvet M&M’s. Continue reading “Red Velvet M&M’s”
Yes, today was supposed to be XXX.
Yes, I know I’ve changed the order.
You do not know what my body has gone through in the last 24 hours.
If there is any poster child for body autonomy, it is me, right now, lacking autonomy from my own body.
Holy crap, I kid you not.
All that aside, I’ve decided to treat myself to the most exciting and diverse selection of the sauces before I subject various friends and family members to the insanely hot ones on my trip home tomorrow. Today won’t put me completely out of the woods- I’m trying sauces with ingredients from avocado to salted caramel, to top-notch political preferences to pumpkin. Whew.
Also, someone sent me a holster, which means that now that my first semester is officially done, I’ve spent every minute of the last 24 hours pretending to be Doc Holliday. I’m your huckleberry.
Sauce count: 18 (and five non-sauce goodies!)
Sauce total: 73 Continue reading “Spicy Week II: Eclectic”