Ben and Jerry’s Core Hazed and Confused Ice Cream

My bucket list is small, and admittedly, kind of dumb. I want to drive around aimlessly and listen to music, I want an auxiliary port in my car. I want to magically know when to end phone calls, and I wouldn’t mind having running water in my apartment more than three days a week. I also want to remember to bring my camera everywhere I go. wpid-IMAG1154.jpg Continue reading “Ben and Jerry’s Core Hazed and Confused Ice Cream”

Meyer Lemon Poppyseed and Gin Cheesecake

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Yes, like plenty of now-single heterosexuals last night, I, too, completely neglected to make plans, reservations, or recognition of love and affection on Valentine’s Day. An eleventh-hour search on OpenTable yielded a 1:30 reservation at the hottest pub in town and a mere three-hour wait at the local P.F. Chang’s. Thankfully, we remained vigilant and elbowed just enough star-crossed swingers at Whole Foods to snag a decent steak and a lobster tail for free. Along with a ridiculous cheesecake I made, wooed by the nonstick lubrication of my new Lékué springform pan, sent to me by the company. Continue reading “Meyer Lemon Poppyseed and Gin Cheesecake”

Crest Be Adventurous Mint Chocolate Trek Toothpaste, Be Dynamic, and Be Inspired

There comes a time in the life of a blogger, when the writer must earn their stripes. For some, it was willfully ingesting Heinz purple EZ Squirt to the chagrin of friends and family. For others, the oral sacrifice to a thousand Warheads. And now, today, I have succumbed to a higher, mintier power: Crest Be.dsc_7668 Continue reading “Crest Be Adventurous Mint Chocolate Trek Toothpaste, Be Dynamic, and Be Inspired”

Big Slice Kettle-Cooked Apples Cherry Vanilla

It’s been difficult for me to strike a good balance lately. One of the benefits of running a small blog like this is small fame- little notoriety, the product of hard work and awful writing, and having my name on a small corner of the world. It’s one of the detriments as well. I own this, but in a world where it is becoming increasingly common to scour the ‘net for any trace of Hunger Games fanfiction in order to see if your applicant qualifies to be a bathroom attendant, a girl’s gotta be careful. And the pressure is on. I’m applying for real, live summer jobs as a real, live summer associate or law clerk or 80’s power suit representative. So I’m having trouble talking, I guess.DSC_7609 - Edited Continue reading “Big Slice Kettle-Cooked Apples Cherry Vanilla”

Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut

Thank you for coming across my online guide on how to perform a successful incision and extraction of cookie dough creme from a baked, yeast-based heart donut. In this step by step guide, I will detail the vivisection, extraction, and recovery period.To start, you will need a Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut, in the requisite heart formation. DSC_7585 Continue reading “Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut”

Limited Edition Marshmallow Crispy Oreos

Golden Oreos, you have come home at last. You were bland and played second fiddle to Vienna Fingers when you first came out on the market, and came into the eye of the public with your controversial, yet ultimately progressive Heads or Tails pairing. Unfortunately, you faltered with Birthday Cake Oreos, because nobody wants a vanilla-on-vanilla birthday cake. It wasn’t your fault. The descent had begun. Watermelon Oreo, Gingerbread Oreo, Banana Split Oreo, Neapolitan Oreo. Jesus, what were you, Madonna?DSC_7584 Continue reading “Limited Edition Marshmallow Crispy Oreos”

Limited Edition Cookie Dough Oreo

FedEx, I don’t know what to say. You’ve disappointed me more than an orphaned elf on Christmas. Your friendly goon, bless his unknowing heart, dropped the package off at my front step. Today. It was marked ‘priority overnight.’ FedEx, I have been an overnight priority in the past, so needless to say, the fact that you have delayed my sugary booty call until Monday, at 9:10 in the morning, is nothing short of a deplorable, unAmerican act. DSC_7567 Continue reading “Limited Edition Cookie Dough Oreo”

Red Velvet M&M’s

What’s the next holiday? Houseplant Appreciation Day? Fuck that. I’m bad at holidays. The holiday that I am the worst at is Valentine’s Day. This is because I am not a twee blogger. I am not the type of person to create a clever, heart-themed meal for my DGNP (dear gender-neutral partner) or frost a perfectly color-coordinated cake in my footprint-sized kitchen. For the last three Valentine’s Days celebrated, I have, in reverse chronological order, sent a Gucci scarf overseas that never arrived, gone to a convention, and dated a guy. Woof, man. This year, I expect to do fairly well. I’m going to a job fair. But it won’t be so terrible, because there is no way I can do as poorly as these Red Velvet M&M’s. DSC_7340 Continue reading “Red Velvet M&M’s”