It’s my first day of school, so I’m opting to review a children’s lunch pack. But this is no ordinary children’s lunch pack! No Lunchables for you! No hot lunch, no mystery meat, no Oscar Mayer sandwiches! No Lean Cuisine, fat kids. This is GoPicnic. It’s for the healthier, curious child. The one in your class whose name is Gunther and has parents who were once roadies for The Dead, yo.
This pack contains a multitude of snack items in it, all of them extremely twee and organic. Seriously, with Mrs. May’s sunflower crunch and Sweet Perry applesauce, I can’t tell if I’m in a Whole Foods or a corporate team building meeting. Keepitcoming thinks this is exactly the type of snack pack a company would give their workers at an off-site workshop. The kind involving trust falls.Most of the general food groups are represented. We have a little crunchy in the form of Snapea Crisps, which are shaped like snap peas, but for the life of me, I can’t fully grasp whether or not they’re actually made out of peas. They’re cute, though, and they’re addictive, so I’m erring on the side of a more robust Sensible Portions. Almost there, not quite.The applesauce is inoffensive and thick, a pleasant surprise. I’d have liked a little more cinnamon flavor, but really, for applesauce, I can’t complain. Mrs. May’s sunflower crunch looks like fiberglass and tastes pretty good. It didn’t try to break all of my teeth like the almond crunch did. It was tasty and crumbly, with the right amount of sugar.The cheese, a “white cheddar” was absolutely odious. It reminded me of the cheese and crackers one normally receives on airplanes, the kind that also serve as small flotation devices should the plane encounter any difficulties mid-flight. It was rubbery and tasteless and ruined the turkey jerky when combined.
I rather enjoyed the turkey jerky. As much as I hate beef jerky sticks, I was surprised to see how much I liked this. It was chewy, but snapped cleanly in the mouth, and gave a nice, almost spicy flavor. I would have liked to eat this with crackers.The dessert in the pack, Surf Sweets gummi bears, will be covered in a future post, so I can’t divulge too much, but these might be the new Sharkies. They are chewy and juicy, and don’t pretend to be anything other than what they are. For a kid’s lunch, there are a shitton of these in the pack, and they were accurately fruity and yielded a nice, toothsome chew. Really good.
I should also mention that inside the box there are really gross facts that I did not wish to know and a word search. I found the words “munch” and “picnic” and gave up. There are also jokes that I may or may not tell my new suitemates. Jokes about pretzels. LOL!Everything in the pack was, for the most part, passable, and gave a balanced, wholesome feel to the meal. This isn’t a bad thing to receive as a free lunch, and certainly feels like more of an indulgence without as many calories. It even comes with a spork and wet napkin. This did lack one essential component of a meal that I sorely missed after all the salt and meat- a drink. Even a small cup of water would have been highly appreciated. But this wasn’t as bad as I expected, and even entertained me with a museum-related theme and rewarded me with a tattoo for finishing my lunch. Not a big accomplishment, but I’ll take what I can get. I’m looking forward to trying more of these when I’m stuck on time and not interested in cooking or chewing on my desk.