Juicy Fruit-Infused Strawberry Cucumber Coolers

I participated in this campaign on behalf of Collective Bias and its advertiser and was compensated for writing this post. Seriously, if I don’t do these, I literally will not get home, or be able to buy that set of headless dog speakers I’ve had my eyes on. 

Arkansas is hot. Yes, the Northerner likes to complain. But I’ve been experiencing a weird dissonance when I waltz out of my temperature-controlled, 50-degree hotel room, into a 70-degree hotel, outside to a steamy, humid 90-degrees. Suffice to say, I’ve decided to institute a new workplace attire, ‘undershirt formal.’ And they call this a mild summer! In any case, I’ve needed to cool off and I’ve found that there’s no better way to beat the heat than eating chilled fruit and crying by the poolside. Juicy Fruit and I recently worked together to create cucumber and strawberry Juicy Fruit coolers, made with hollowed-out cukes so the cup and its filling is edible. How’s that for finding your #JuicyFruitFunSide?DSC_9096-2 Continue reading “Juicy Fruit-Infused Strawberry Cucumber Coolers”

Core Brewing Behemoth Pilsner

This is easily the most American 4th of July I’ve ever experienced. Granted, the bar has been set rather low. Last year, the Bedfellow and I went swimming and couldn’t find food and decided we’d rather die than go to Applebee’s. The year before that, I made a brisket, ate gross Italian ice, and read obituaries alone in the house. Needless to say, despite my love for the 4th, I’ve never really celebrated it very well.wpid-wp-1404493935930.jpegThis year is different. This year includes a rodeo, barbecue, and fries pies, but that’s not all. Continue reading “Core Brewing Behemoth Pilsner”

Chocolatier Chocolate Covered Cherry Premium Wine Specialty

Ugh, this flavored wine specialty reads like the hate child of a poorly translated overseas food product and a Pinterest board doubling as a cry for help. This thing should come with a sticker that says, “I’m like an alcoholic, but for chocolate, and also, booze.” I found this in a Walgreens, which explains a lot. At first blush, you might think this is okay to ingest because of the sparse ingredient list, until you realize that it reads like the end of a Beckett novel. “Other than standard orange wine with cream, natural flavor, caramel color, and certified colors, in an instant all will vanish and we’ll be alone more, in the midst of nothingness.” The website claims wholesome usage of American ingredients. That must be the certified colors. Also worth mentioning is that the distributor also markets and makes ‘Squizzante’, which I’ve already taken the liberty to add to Urban Dictionary. I think I had a squizzante this morning. DSC_8946 Continue reading “Chocolatier Chocolate Covered Cherry Premium Wine Specialty”

Hiland Dairy Farm Old Recipe Vanilla Cupcake Milk

It’s weird to find something that doesn’t exist on the internet. Here’s a small list of things that don’t exist there: people who live off the grid, trash, and the last season of Community. Yeah, Season 4 can suck it, I’m still bitter. And even those things can be googled or complained about on some sort of message board. Hell, even the world’s most tragic conversation can be found online. When something isn’t searchable it either doesn’t exist in reality or it’s creepy and gross. Here’s Hiland Dairy Farm’s Cupcake Milk. As you can guess, it literally cannot be Googled, and is featured nowhere on their website. I may have stumbled onto a grainy, terrifying prototype, sprinkles not included. DSC_8943 Continue reading “Hiland Dairy Farm Old Recipe Vanilla Cupcake Milk”

10 in 30: Top Eats in Arkansas, Month 1

Welcome to a new feature on Foodette- eating for one drastically restricts the menu items I can taste or try, and in the interest of trying as many places and new culinary discoveries as possible, I’ve decided to compile the top ten things I’ve eaten in the last 30 days, both to demarcate the time I’ve spent here (I’ve been an Arkansawyer for a whole month!) and give a taste, so to speak, of some of the exceptional food around here. Without further ado, here’s May 18 to June 19– a miraculous, strange, beautiful month in no particular order.wpid-img_20140613_171420.jpg Continue reading “10 in 30: Top Eats in Arkansas, Month 1”

#MC The Thigh-High Cocktail, inspired by Reebok Skyscape

I participated in an influencer activation on behalf of Millenial Central for Reebok. I received product samples to facilitate my review as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation. Don’t be hatin’, this will help me buy a new briefcase.

Woof. Cocktail time. I originally made this for Cinco de Mayo, but am posting it now because it’s always a good time to drink a cocktail, right? I had access to a juicer a few weeks ago, while dogsitting, and decided to use a few easy ingredients- tequila, grapefruits, limes, agave syrup, and diet club soda to make a refreshing and tasty cocktail without any of the guilt of a massive margarita.DSC_8759 Continue reading “#MC The Thigh-High Cocktail, inspired by Reebok Skyscape”

Tumeric Elixir of Life Vanilla Bean

I’ve been MIA for a few reasons- for one, exams have reared their terrifying, software-based, open-booked heads and have taken over my life like an antimatter blob made of terminology and the tears of the innocent, and for two, I’m in a five-season period of mourning for the late, great Community. Damn you, Dan Harmon, you beautiful, ephemeral beast. For another, unless you’ve stalked me on LinkedIn, I’ve been preparing for my big summer move- I’m taking a week to drive to Arkansas, starting this Sunday, to begin my position as a summer associate in the legal department of a large corporation. I’ll be driving there and back, traveling west on the way down and heading south on my way back up, and will be there until late August, so expect lots of delicious Southern specialties and neat, new restaurants to review!wpid-wp-1399688131059.jpeg Continue reading “Tumeric Elixir of Life Vanilla Bean”

Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Iced Coffee

Oh, Dunkin’, you sly minx. What are you, the Ace of Cakes? Or rather, some yet-unnamed ice-cream themed show on the Food Network that a young, hell-destined executive is dreaming of as we speak. So many limited edition flavors! So many weird things! The donut sandwich seemed serendipitous, as if you’d finally caught wind of those odd concepts like trends and memes that the bakery scene so often misses, and the slew of red velvet could have been chalked up to the holidays. But now you’ve paired with old fling Baskin Robbins in the oddest juxtaposition to date: ice-cream flavored coffee, for people who like a little caffeine with their sugar. Mint chocolate chip, butter pecan, jamoca…all de rigueur.DSC_8532And this is cookie dough. Continue reading “Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Iced Coffee”

Polar Seltzer Toasted Coconut Creme

I called my local Walmart today, despite warnings from my Duck Dynasty-fearing gayborhood watch. Walmart is not too receptive to speech-based communication, it appears. Someone dropped the phone while I was on hold and I spent a blissful thirty seconds listening to an upside-down, reedy version of the Talking Heads’ ‘The Overload’ before someone got on, breathed heavily, asked me if I spoke Spanish, and then told me to call back later. I’m still not sure if I was crossconnected to an old 1-900 hotline or if someone actually picked up the phone. I was looking for red velvet M&M’s. I didn’t find them. It’s two days after Christmas and they’re already pulling Valentine’s Day candy, but I’m still clinging to the millimeter of filthy snow we have on the ground and the newness of my gifts. I got a haircut, and it rendered me raving glad, as every sweep of the razor made me feel lighter on my feet. My new suits are being tailored. I’m determined to start the new year fairly well, even if I don’t end it with grace. I’m the Nancy Kerrigan of resolutions.DSC_7039 Continue reading “Polar Seltzer Toasted Coconut Creme”

Red Jacket Orchards Blackcurrant-Apple Juice

I’m planning a damned good brunch party for next week, to celebrate half of finals being done. I’m forsaking an advent calendar, as well as gifts for loved ones this year as a result of my personal Four Days of Finals (trademark pending) annual tradition. I’ve started it this year. The song goes like this:

On the first day of finals, my limit gave to me,
An hour-long deep tissue massage.
On the second day of finals, my limit gave to me,
Two bloody marys,
And an hour-long deep tissue massage.
On the third day of finals, my limit gave to me,
Three fingers of Laphroaig,
Two bloody marys,
And an hour-long deep tissue massage.
On the fourth day of finals, my limit gave to me,
Four pounds of steak,
Three fingers of Laphroaig,
Two bloody marys,
And an hour-long deep tissue massaaaaaaaaggggeeeeeeee. Continue reading “Red Jacket Orchards Blackcurrant-Apple Juice”