When we were in Toronto, we rented an apartment in Queens West, a neighborhood Vogue rated second only to Tokyo as one of the coolest in the world. No lie there- it was teaming with interesting places to shop, eat, explore, and see, with wonderful art and music around every corner. Not a block away was Nadège Patisserie, a bonafide slice of Paris in the middle of Canada. We were lucky enough to be there right before Croissunday, a yearly event with fifteen limited flavors of croissants, starting at 8am and ending when the bakeries run out. I waited in line for six flavors of their finest and after devouring them, we decided they were the best we’d had in or out of France. Continue reading “Croissunday at Nadège Patisserie, Toronto, ON”
Do you hate people? Children? Do you have a crippling fear of your doorbell ringing unless it’s USPS with five free jars of peanut butter and boxers? Do you miss escaping town and never coming back? Do you have nostalgia for the brands and delicious high-snob of Fairfield County, Connecticut? Are you me? If so, get this tea!Bigelow Tea has combined forces with the Girl Scouts to create cookie-flavored tea. Yes, they took the easy route and combined flavors that already exist in tea, eschewing a chance at historical tea design with Tagalongs and going for ‘coconut and chocolate’ and ‘mint and chocolate,’ as if we don’t know the cookies those demarcate. I’ll review them anyway, because I, too, am powerless to the Girl Scout sales pitch, even if it is at 11PM on a Wednesday at an abandoned grocery store. Continue reading “Bigelow Caramel and Coconut Girl Scout (Samoa) Black Tea”
I’m putting off a difficult task and it’s getting in the way of the generally hilarious tomfoolery on this sinking ship of a semi-never-famous empire that I created back in high school when love was merely a hilarious anagram for evol and all my shirts were from woot.com. It isn’t the blog- that’s collateral damage in the larger scheme of pulling the trigger on the Rube Goldbergian stage of bureaucratic events that enable me to not go to France next year to study and cavort and live minimalistically while still maintaining a sense of style, escapism, happiness, and jeunesse that I struggle to find in Hartford. That would have made such a great novel. That novel would have pushed Eat, Pray, Love to the curb.
I would have had the best author photo. Or at least the best byline on my article at The Toast.
Yes, quite the problem to have, it’s funny in a stupid, hyperspecific way, like being catfished by a stock photo, but I still haven’t quite reached the point where I’m comfortable typing those words or pressing the button that pushes me another turn around the carousel before I have to hop off and enter the real world and get a job. In this world, the carousel is also not limited to children, keep that in mind, so I’m definitely not imaginary trespassing in this imaginary theme park allegory that I have created. Continue reading “Cadbury’s Marvellous Creations Jelly Popping Candy Chocolate”
To clarify from yesterday’s rhetoric: I am on a diet. It does not include cookies. After a grueling gym set to offset my crapital gains, I switched one red velvet for another and tried the well-timed package from Cellucor, featuring samples from their whey protein line and Royal Sport brand, available exclusively from GNC. Cellucor, as far as I can tell, is the only decent supplement company on the market making a red velvet whey protein isolate, which is awesome. I’ve lauded Cellucor before- clean protein, gluten and sugar free in most cases, and excellent blendability. This new flavor is no less awesome and accurately mimics red velvet cake, cream cheese and all. They sent over a four-serving sample bag and after my first glass, I ordered a 2lb. jug out of sheer addiction. This might be better than COR-Fetti, I’m telling you that.I mix my supplements with milk rather than water- I think the nutrients are important and am willing to have the extra calories and fat over having an unappetizing shake. Without a doubt, this is the best milk-based shake I’ve made. I’m afraid to try it with my go-to, vanilla almond milk, just because of how great it is with whole milk. The creaminess in the whey really enhances the cake batter flavors, and gives a sweet, frosting edge to it. I even went as far as to blend half whole milk and half fat-free kefir with this to achieve the cream cheese frosting flavor. Go hard, Foodette, go hard. Continue reading “Cellucor Red Velvet Whey Protein”
Was I on a diet? Did it not include cookies? Believe me, I’ve been trying to resist the allure of processed foods, snacks, and generally comforting complex sugars, but in this case, SCREW THAT. Beast-flavored supplements have nothing on cookies. I have been wanting these for years. This is my Oreo Make-A-Wish except I didn’t have to have a terminal disease to get this in my belly. People, behold. One of the first non-Buzzfeed reviews of the Red Velvet Oreos, debuting in February for your Valentine binge. Continue reading “Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos”
Get that virtual baby shower ready, because this girl is preggo. Pregnant with abs.
I felt them a few weeks ago, emerging from the deep as I was admiring myself shirtless in the mirror to Sade, as you all shamelessly do in the privacy of your own homes, I’m sure. They kicked a little, or maybe they involuntarily flexed at the climax point of ‘Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover’ when I switched to the veritable Ms. Hawkins. I’m going to name them Kevin! Continue reading “Cellucor COR-Fetti Cake Batter Whey Protein”
When I am feeling depressed, which is, as my therapist tells me, an entirely normal thing despite it happening more often than I’d prefer, I remind myself that I ate a $1,000 sundae. I ate it while smiling at screaming children, a verb, adjective, and noun pairing that comes only once in a blue moon, when I’m sending thoughts their way to the tune of, “This costs more than a week at your boarding school, this costs more than your vacation, I am putting it in my mouth. I will shit gold.” It’s a bit of a clunky mantra but man, it works. Continue reading “I ate a $1,000 sundae; I do not have to be good.”
Yes, I missed Whole Foods. Even though they have a monopoly on the bourgeois central Connecticut area. Even though they cajole me into paying $30 for a pound of raw fish. Even though they have products with stupid names like ‘Paleonola’. I missed them. The Fresh Market in Arkansas just didn’t quite cut it for me. So today, after joining the gym, missing hot yoga, and cleaning my house, I decided to break my streak of responsible adultability and bought a $10 chocolate bar, #noregrets. Vosges has been on my radar and palate for a long time, since the booming success of their bacon chocolate bar. While perusing the cheese section, I found a cheese-infused chocolate bar- a Whole Foods exclusive, with aged parmesan cheese and tellicherry peppercorn. Continue reading “Vosges Super Dark Parmesan Peppercorn Bar”
Asheville, too little, too late. I could have spared myself the agony of returning to Hartford and the inevitable persistence of adult responsibilities, numerous rejections from law firms, and my parents, and just stayed there forever, working as a potter or a community organizer or something with a vague title and a paycheck. But here I am, and here is Asheville. Continue reading “Road Trip III: Asheville to Hartford”
I’m home. Oh, god, I’m home. And instead of summery lemon and fruit Oreos or whimsical Rice Krispie cookies, we’re slammed with some back to school shenanigans of caramel apple. Apples are for teachers. Caramel is for jerks. The two combined include schedules, grades, and more curves than a poorly angled photo on Tinder. However, Caramel Apple Oreos might be pretty tasty. The internet has been all abuzz about these and at my local treacherous Target today, I found them, right next to the school supplies. Continue reading “Caramel Apple Oreos”