Blue Hill Butternut Squash Yogurt

Weird and impeccably packaged. The perfect mix, and at the moment, I’ve enough hubris to claim that the same applies to my own character. This obviously means that my spirit edible is butternut squash yogurt. I found this in Whole Foods, nestled in between kefir and vegan cheese so far removed from the real thing that it was closer to a Carrot Top comedy set than Camembert. The cashiers extolled it, and I sneered inwardly. Impeccable packaging. Twee as all hell. Let’s crack it open.DSC_8686 Continue reading “Blue Hill Butternut Squash Yogurt”

Cheeteau, by Cheetos and Frito-Lay

Well, now I know why all my April Fool’s jokes were late. The post office hates me, and FedEx dropped something off that was a ‘restricted material.’ I was prepared for either delicious alcohol or a non-delicious subpoena, job offer, or scam check from a car decal craigslist ad, but was pleased to find a sample bottle of Cheeteau, the new fragrance from Frito-Lay. Now, I’m not a perfume blogger, but I gained a decent deal of perfume knowledge from my last ex, so alongside the real deal, let’s analyze the cologne.DSC_8601 Continue reading “Cheeteau, by Cheetos and Frito-Lay”

Yöghund Apple & Cheddar Frozen Yogurt for Dogs

Woof! I perpetually suffer from what the French call l’esprit d’escalier, or in English, ‘being a little slow on the uptake.’ I came up with four perfect April Fool’s jokes on April 2nd- at 12:30 AM, when what was once funny is now merely irritating, and wore my interesting vest for our property discussion on vested interest on the wrong day. (It was madras.) Much like David Ives’ titular opus, it really is all in the timing. So here’s some dog ice cream. April Fool’s!DSC_8556 Continue reading “Yöghund Apple & Cheddar Frozen Yogurt for Dogs”

Upton’s Naturals Chorizo Seitan

One of my doctors recently told me to reduce the amount of meat in my diet. At least, I think that’s what she said. I was too busy laughing and speed-dialing Morton’s. (Table for one, Porterhouse for two) I wonder if I have a hearing problem instead. I may not listen to people with medical degrees or the impending, irregular beat of my heart, but if there’s anything I pay heed to, it’s good packaging, which explains why, at 12:35 in the afternoon, clad in nary but a windbreaker and a pair of Lycra shorts, I intentionally sought out and purchased an entire package of Upton’s Naturals Chorizo Seitan.DSC_8333Pause for a moment. Breathe. Continue reading “Upton’s Naturals Chorizo Seitan”

McDonald’s Buffalo Chicken Poutine

Back from the lean, mean streets of Canada, I bring you the sole restaurant or food review of the entire trip- Buffalo Chicken Poutine from McDonald’s. We opted to take a mainly tech-free vacation to better connect to each other and remember what penmanship was. Subsequently, I had a wonderful time and have a journal full of poorly-rendered sandwich drawings– and now, this, with 100% more surreptitiously taken grainy photos! wpid-IMAG1193.jpg Continue reading “McDonald’s Buffalo Chicken Poutine”

Big Slice Kettle-Cooked Apples Cherry Vanilla

It’s been difficult for me to strike a good balance lately. One of the benefits of running a small blog like this is small fame- little notoriety, the product of hard work and awful writing, and having my name on a small corner of the world. It’s one of the detriments as well. I own this, but in a world where it is becoming increasingly common to scour the ‘net for any trace of Hunger Games fanfiction in order to see if your applicant qualifies to be a bathroom attendant, a girl’s gotta be careful. And the pressure is on. I’m applying for real, live summer jobs as a real, live summer associate or law clerk or 80’s power suit representative. So I’m having trouble talking, I guess.DSC_7609 - Edited Continue reading “Big Slice Kettle-Cooked Apples Cherry Vanilla”

Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut

Thank you for coming across my online guide on how to perform a successful incision and extraction of cookie dough creme from a baked, yeast-based heart donut. In this step by step guide, I will detail the vivisection, extraction, and recovery period.To start, you will need a Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut, in the requisite heart formation. DSC_7585 Continue reading “Dunkin’ Donuts Cookie Dough Donut”

Ritz Cheese Sandwiches Camembert and Black Pepper, Cheddar and Almond

Student Life at the Dawn of the Millennium, people. Sometimes I swear that it gets harder and harder each day. It leads to vice, the small, justifiable kind like eating cookies long before most people are awake, or long after they’re at work. Alone. In sweatpants. The sole unwashed pair in a sea of clean laundry. Citing briefs in my briefs. It’s a beautiful life. I’d like to pat myself on the back for both tracking down these cookies and successfully calling over 30 Walmarts in Connecticut without an ounce of self-loathing. It turns out that merely asking (okay, begging) the public relations team will yield cookies, albeit 24 hours after considering driving to Topeka, Nowhere to see if their Dollar General has them.DSC_7546 Continue reading “Ritz Cheese Sandwiches Camembert and Black Pepper, Cheddar and Almond”

Blue Apron

As luck would have it, in the middle of my miniature kitchen renovation, my landlord decided to start doing work on the rest of our apartments. Add the stress of moot court and the ensuing deep-set depression of first semester grades, and you’ve got a recipe for no recipes. Specifically, a lack of desire to cook so deep that it makes Lean Cuisine meals look like a suicide hotline. Thankfully, Blue Apron, a food delivery and cooking service, stepped in to soothe the soul-crushing workload of ten hours and a brief before my first round of job interviews.DSC_7401

Continue reading “Blue Apron”