Tripletas ‘n’ More, New Haven, CT

Swagger and I embarked on an epic adventure yesterday with all intentions of going to the new Sonic in Connecticut, acquiring some swag, and reporting back to you after eating food delivered from a car. But alas, it was not meant to be! Connecticut is so fucking jonesed for Sonic after seeing ten years of cockteasing commercials that every single person in New England is now there. It was an hour and a half wait. We weren’t feeling it.

However, there’s one delicious delicacy that’s open all the time, that delicacy being the New Haven food trucks on Long Wharf. They’re a heartdropping delight, with risky twists and turns. Will this tongue taco taste good? Will I get food poisoning after eating this hot dog? What really goes on in the recesses of that sandwich cart? All these and more awaited us on our mission to get good, hot, cheap food. We finally settled on the Tripletas ‘n’ More cart.I’d actually heard of tripletas before, from one of my exes and also from the magical land of the internet, and I was stoked to find out that here in Connecticut, a magical sandwich lay in wait. So thus we ordered the tripleta to split, along with a pina colada, and waited outside amongst the throngs of people and bachata music playing.

The sandwich took a half hour to make. Seriously. I don’t care if you’re Wolfgang Puck and you’re creating a sandwich on the spot with ingredients based off the last orgasm I had. It should not take a half hour. When the food was finally handed to us, though, it radiated lovely smells and the pina colada was generously portioned and sweated sweetness in my hand. Eleven bucks total and we had our lunch.Maybe we were sunburned and thirsty, but that pina colada was like manna from heaven. It was in a rather large serving, enough for the two of us to share, and balanced sweet and creamy with a nice shaved ice base and a cherry on top. While there were no pineapple chunks, there was a satisfying sweet pineapple flavor, not too sugary at all, and enough cream base to make it seem like a more indulgent desire than it nutritionally came to be.

With rum, this might have just been perfect.The tripleta is, in the majority of circles, a sandwich made with roasted pork, roasted steak, and chicken, with melted cheese, potato sticks or fries, coleslaw, ketchup, mayo, and mustard. Many ingredients. Ours came with a medley of meat and cheese, coleslaw with the toppings mixed in, and potato sticks on a soft bun. The bun was very soft, but held up to the enormity of the toppings and stayed uniformly together throughout the consumption.We had to peel the tin foil off the sandwich and eat it bite by bite. Each bite had a huge amount of meat in it. While I couldn’t necessarily discern one meat from another, they were all relatively well spiced and tender. The meat was in good chunks, a step above ground beef but not quite in slices. The coleslaw and potato sticks, a strange addition, added a nice crunch and textural differentiation to the meat. There were not enough potato sticks, and they were haphazardly placed on the side of the sandwich, near the opening. The cheese, instead of being placed on top and melted, was incorporated into the main meat in small chunks, rendering it melty and flavorful.

This was a damned good sandwich. Swagger didn’t feel as though it was attune to his personal preferences, and I was a little skeptical about the meat, but we both felt that it was a tasty lunch and that it was very filling. It was definitely something different and off the beaten path, and I wouldn’t hesitate to get this again. The food trucks in New Haven are delicious and fresh, and fantastic for budgets.

FoodShouldTasteGood Lime Tortilla Chips

When I last extolled the virtues of this company, it was when I reviewed their chocolate tortilla chips, back in March. After the success of that chip, I’m pleased to say they’ve done it again with another delicious chip.

I met the representatives at the Fancy Food Show while with Keepitcoming, and they wordlessly thrust bags of these chips into my arms at random. These proved to be quite useful later on at night when we needed something snack-like to munch on. The flavor of the moment is lime, and they come in pleasant mezza luna shapes and are rather large.Like with the last batch, there are just not a whole lot of chips in the bag. Somehow, these are more substantial, and Keepitcoming and I found ourselves pleased with a few handfuls and a batch of guacamole. The shape is absolutely perfect for dipping and scooping. If you’re eating salsa out of the jar, the half circle fits in easily without cracking, and can hold up to the most gluey and chunky of toppings. We tried this with a fresh batch of guac with cherry tomatoes and none of our chips broke or fractured with each bite. Needless to say, it’s been unanimously voted that calling these “crackers” in the hopes of bringing together the chip-cracker barrier is an entirely asinine tactic, best used for those FlipSides.In addition to a great texture and perfect size, the flavor is phenomenal. There’s a liberal usage of sea salt and an absolutely piquant and sweet lime powder, very zesty, on the chip. The corn base shines through easily and provides an excellent, thick crunch. With your favorite dip or salsa, this really allows them to add a layer of excitement to an afternoon snack.

Keepitcoming Love’s Disturbing Observation of the Day: “Ergonomically shaped for easy mouth entry.”

California Pizza Kitchen Self-Rising Sicilian

Dear readers,

Exactly what is self-rising? Does it mean a self-sufficient, confident dough that doesn’t require any external rising aid or…stimulation? In our case, it called for a slightly floppy pie dough that sizzled as soon as it hit the oven and firmed up rather nicely upon vigorously heating for twenty minutes or so. Just curious.

The pie is delicious on its own, of course, but we doctored it to fit our likings. This is probably the only frozen pizza I’ve ever had that packs so much meat into its supple, buttery crust. Where most pies have strangely sporadic toppings, often askew, this one has an even amount of salami, ham, and sausage on each slice. Each of the meats is present within the flavor of the pizza, especially the salami, and CPK is generous with their portions and flavorings. It’s a very savory pizza. Of course, that doesn’t make up for the fact that they still recommended a fucking Chianti and had the audacity to drop the word “tannins” on me while I was cooking a frozen pizza. If I wanted to party like it was 1977, I’d have a Penfold’s Grange and snort cocaine off some frosted glass. Jesus.
The cheese, as is with most pizzas, is rather skimpy, but since we were still so bowled over with the meat in the dish, we didn’t mind. In fact, we supplemented the cheese with cheese of our own, coating the entire thing with a liberal dosage of cheddar, fresh mozzarella, and parmesan at the end, adding a little basil, hot sauce and some chopped tomatoes. But the additions didn’t obscure the flavor of the original pizza base. I wish that CPK (which still reminds me of BTK) would make a plain, Boboli-inspired pizza crust to add your own toppings to, because their self-rising crust is so damned good. If the thin crust is a flaky bitch, less of a crust than a thin layer of hard tack biscuit, similar to those seen in Civil War reenactments, the self-rising is a curvacious, hot mama who rocks your world with a rough cornmeal exterior and a soft inner core. Delicious.

But with all honesty, the crust holds up to all kinds of toppings and still maintains a very crispy and substantial crunch. On its own, it beats out most breads at chain restaurants, and with the toppings, it’s super good. We had a lot of fun doctoring this pizza and really enjoyed the outcome.

Noah’s Baked Eggs with Linguica and Farmer’s Cheese

It was the most abysmal, gross day today in Connecticut. I was at work, biding my time with Middlesex and watching the rain pour down, and Keepitcoming had a busy day. After a drive that took an hour later than we expected, there was only one logical dinner option: baked eggs.

Regular readers will recognize this as a familiar face. This is actually a variation of the baked eggs from Noah’s, with linguica, tomato, onion, potatoes, and farmer’s cheese. Although Noah’s doesn’t use potatoes and has peppers instead of tomatoes, I played around a little. Keepitcoming doesn’t like peppers.In any case, this recipe pretty much heals everything, including my pain at Elizabeth Perkins’ departure from Weeds, my work woes, my severe lack of cash, and the oil spill. Baked eggs does that for everything. Rest assured, I’ve nominated them for a Nobel, don’t thank me.

Ingredients (serves 4-6, or two with leftovers)
1 medium sized potato
1 large onion
1 medium sized plum tomato
1/2 link of linguica sausage, about 1 cup’s worth, chopped
1/2 lb of farmer’s cheese, chopped into cubes or shredded
5 eggs
Olive oil
Salt, pepper, basil, paprika…

1. Start by preheating your oven to 400 degrees and boiling a small pot of water. When it’s at a boil, plop in your potato. While that’s all hanging out, finely chop your onion and dice your tomato, dumping them into a saucepan with enough olive oil to cover the bottom of the pan. As they heat and reduce, season them with whatever spices you’d like. We found that basil really adds a nice, subtle taste to them.
2. While those are sweating out, start prepping your proteins. Chop your sausage into thick slices, then dice each slice into quarters, and your cheese into rough cubes. Put them aside. Your potato is also ready now, after about fifteen minutes in the water.
3. After the onions are translucent and caramelized, and this might require a higher heat, put them in a small bowl on the side to cool off and continue cooking. Mix in half of your farmer’s cheese. Peel and dice your potato. In the same saucepan, start cooking up your sausage and potato. You don’t want the sausage fully cooked, just soft enough to move around and releasing enough oil to color and crisp up the potato chunks.
4. Once those are done, put them into the mixing bowl along with the tomatoes and onions. Mix them together until they’re all well incorporated and mingling, and pour into a casserole dish. The size of your dish depends on how thin or thick of a layer of toppings you want.
5. Crack your five eggs on top, taking care to not break the yolks. Sprinkle your remaining farmer’s cheese on top and pop in the oven.
6. After about 30-35 minutes, your baked eggs will be ready. You’ll know because the cheese will be crispy and brown, and melty, and the yolks will be mostly solid. Serve them with hot buttered toast to spread on, but let them cool for at least ten minutes before eating. Trust me, it’s worth the wait. This was the perfect end to a rainy and cold day, and made the wait for dinner entirely worthwhile. It was also a good substitute to my Noah’s cravings and subsided them considerably. Plus, it makes bitchin’ leftovers on a slice of bread or plain out of the casserole dish.

Mango Hi-Chew

This candy flies under the radar at a lot of Asian groceries. In fact, the one near school is the only one I’ve seen carry it in such a wide variety of flavors. We saw this one, not Morinaga, but the American distribution of Hi-Chew, in mango, and decided to give it a go.

At the Fancy Food Show, they were distributing this, but we hadn’t thought to talk to the representatives for more information. I’ve seen it on J-List and Naga Japan, and was curious to try it. It’s described as a creamier, tastier version of the Starburst, and although the American flavors are decidedly more pedestrian, we were game and playing for keeps.The mango flavor is absolutely delightful. And who doesn’t love mango? My crymaxing ex-boyfriend. Mango-flavored items get you ear-deep in snizz. Ladies love the mango. The texture is chewier than a Starburst, but has a very supple chew that doesn’t stick to your teeth at all. There is an outer layer to the Hi-Chew that might just be for color differentiation, but the texture reminds me of mochi or a similar glutinous rice product. The chews themselves are rectangularly shaped, with a bright orange center surrounded by the white stuff.Each bite tastes exactly like eating a real mango. The melting sensation creates a creamy, juicy silkiness to the flavor, coupled with the tart, succulent flavor of the mango itself. This manages to do what so many candy and juice flavors cannot- emulates the flavor of the fruit, down to the salivatingly sweet flavor and elevates this candy to a status above the rest. And because I rarely like to end a review without a little obscenity, I deem it necessary to remind you all that the inside of a mango really does resemble a vagina. Thank you.

Oogie’s Sun-Dried Tomato and Parmesan Popcorn

Good popcorn is like good sex. If it’s done right, it’s absolutely mind-blowing.

Even the varieties of popcorn parallel the sex a person can have. Butter-flavored is pretty standard, something we’ve all tried and enjoyed, especially in our youths, tantamount to missionary, regular sex. Cheddar might be a little more obscure, a little less conventional, but is still a favorite within the general constraints of society.

And then we have Oogie’s.Oogie’s Popcorn is the raunchy sex of the popcorn world, and with flavors like sun-dried tomato and parmesan, or pesto popcorn, it’s both unique and executed extremely well. While Oogie’s might not appreciate being compared to a well-placed pear of anguish, a person can appreciate the originality and excitement in masticating with an exciting flavor.This particular variety, sun-dried tomato and parmesan, is not only all natural, it’s damned good. Opening the bag, which is filled about 7/8 of the way up, you’re hit with a concentrated, yet mellow scent of tomato and herbs, combined with the utterly intoxicating familiarity of fresh, fresh popcorn. The kernels are large and absolutely burst in your mouth, and are coated liberally with this powder.

Surprisingly, these kernels aren’t the nuclear red color I expected them to be, what with the emphasis on the old solanum lycopersicum, but this popcorn is all-natural. The flavor is nothing short of sublime, either. The kernels are crisp and tasty, and the flavor of the corn mingles with the powder, mainly tomato, but with an underlying saltiness from the cheese. With a slight hint of basil and a fantastic herby medley, this popcorn captures the essence of satisfaction. I look forward to trying more of Oogie’s flavors if they’re anything like this.

Walkers Italian Spaghetti Bolognese Crisps

Italy. I haven’t been there in a long while, but it’s been long enough for the memories of the delicious foods, the darkened cafes, the cloistered caverns of wineries start to fade a little in my mind. My father and sister are currently there, the bastards, and in the spirit of their vacation, I’m consoling myself with these crisps.This is another flavor in the World Cup series from Walkers, and although Italy has long since been phased out of the game, this flavor still remains, and is surprisingly evocative of the actual dish it attempts to emulate.

A traditional spaghetti bolognese is rather difficult to screw up. In the basic flavors, you have a tomato sauce, the addition of any meat to that sauce, and a bed of pasta, generally topped with parmesan. It’s hearty, sweet, savory, and toothsome, and can be ordered anywhere. Unfortunately, this is where the problems start.True, Walkers emulates spaghetti bolognese perfectly. But due to the bastardized inbreeding of the dish, it’s about as common at any diner or kid’s menu as disheveled hookers are to downtown New Haven. The spaghetti bolognese in this particular chip is not a lovingly, hand-raised, grass-fed Kobe beef from Italy with sustainable tomatoes and a touch of heavy cream. This is the greasy remains of dinner at Applebee’s, with a downright saccharine tomato flavor, heavy on the salt, and the kind of herb and MSG combination reminiscent of early 90’s Mrs. Dash shakers.This recalls spaghetti dinners of yore, namely, those for lunch on Wednesdays at my old elementary school. Leaving nothing but a pool of orange grease and a sweet, oniony aftertaste in my mouth, I can safely assure you that these chips may be the reason Italy was booted out of the World Cup. Potato chips, especially the greasier, crispier Walkers, are rarely a good base for a heavy, heady flavor like this. They bog down the subtleties of a saucy attempt, both literally and figuratively, at a traditional dish. Sometimes you can’t pack eight hundred flavors into a snack. Sometimes you can. In Walkers’ case, perhaps this is one dish that ought to be relegated back to the Olive Garden.

Green and Black’s Organic Whole Cherry Dark Chocolate

Green and Black’s chocolates are all over, I’ve seen them in stores, but have never really paid them close mind. At the Fancy Food Show, I got to try a few of their different flavors and was rather pleased with the variety and expertise of the chocolate bars in store.A classic favorite of Keepitcoming Love is the organic whole cherry bar with a 60% dark chocolate base. The bar is rather large, and partitioned off into biteable squares. What’s fantastic about this bar is that there are actually cherries in it and they taste like cherries. As small of a feat as this may seem, it’s actually rather difficult to find a chocolate cherry bar that doesn’t have the syrupy sweetness of cordials or the Craisin-like lassitude of a lesser bar. This chocolate has tangy, dried cherries that are sweetened very judiciously and bring out the sweetness of the chocolate while maintaining a rich, natural fruit flavor.The percentage of cocoa butter is perfect in this bar, yielding a flavor that balances between bitter and sweet without wavering in favor of one particular side. With the combination of the cherries, this bar, albeit simple, maintains a creamy texture studded with chewy bites that both alter and meld with the chocolate’s natural flavor.

This combination is really ingenious. It’s not too intense, but has enough of a bite to it to keep it an interesting and multi-faceted bar, delicious as an afternoon snack, happy hour apertif, or dessert.

Sharkies Kids Organic Sport Chews

We seem to be on a trend of organic snacks lately. However, I’m not trying to hate on the Cos Cob set today. In fact, I have a love story for you. A story about passion, desire, and Sharkies.

This is another product from the Fancy Food Show, one that Keepitcoming and I passed a few times before flirting with the idea of approaching the booth. Sharkies seemed too aggressive, but once we tasted those gems, it was love at first bite.Sharkies are an organic sport chew designed for both kids and adults, and they apparently give you energy and stamina to make love all night long, as though you yourself were a Hammerhead with the ability to breathe above water and copulate with a hot woman. They look like regular gummies, reminiscent of the classic 90’s snack, Shark Bites, but are so much more fulfilling.

There are a few different products out on the Sharkies market, but the one we tried was a sample of the berry flavored sport chews. They come in two colors, all made with vegetable coloring and natural ingredients. The texture is easily the best of any gummy I’ve ever tasted. It falls squarely between the realms of gummy and fruit snack, with an extremely satisfying, pliable chew and “resistance”, as Keepitcoming told me, without screaming “ORGANIC” in your face or tasting overly artificial.
“The Persistence of Sharkies,” Keepitcoming Love, 2010.

The flavors are subtle, but easy to recognize as berries, and although it was a little difficult to judge which berry or which gummy tasted like what, it was a soft, fruity flavor that smacked of fruit juices. I’m not sure if this is the meth talking, but I did feel energized and ready to hit the dollar store after eating these, and the combination of all these factors is so incredibly perfect that I just want more of these. It’s such a treat to find a snack that has this texture, flavor, and none of the guiltiness that comes with scarfing a five pound bag of Haribo Gold Bears in your laundry room, and for that, I’m fairly convinced that Sharkies could be my new Cinderella story.
As Keepitcoming once testified, “I love Sharkies. It’s like having two Great Whites battle with lasers- in my mouth!” If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Graham Cracker Moo Kids Chocolate

This is not a children’s site.

I mean, I’m the first to admit it. I write almost all of my reviews naked, or when I’m feeling dandy, in a pair of boxers. I can regularly reference my awesome sex life just as easily as I can write about gourmet potato chips, and I curse about as much as a fucking taxi driver.

So it’s not really child-safe. There are bright graphics and photos of delicious edibles, but it’s really more of a site for the gently educated, yet inquisitive adult. However, due to my recent website statistics, my publicist tells me I need to reach the highly coveted 9 mo-12 years, white, mildly obese demographic in order to keep up website hits. None of this is true. But I got a sample of this chocolate for children at the Fancy Food Show and felt like reviewing it.This bar is made of entirely organic ingredients and is filled with graham cracker. When I eat it, I feel like I’m chewing on a limb of nature herself, possibly even a leg. The bar is divided into decidedly anti-child pieces, four large chunks that could easily choke an elephant, much less a spoiled toddler donning J. Crew.The chocolate in this is sweet, but doesn’t really have the richness of Swiss chocolate or a high quality milk chocolate. It simply falls in flavor and has the standard, one-note, sugary taste of chocolate syrup and nothing more. In my exuberant need for this to replace the Wonka Bar, I had extremely high expectations for the filling of this, namely, the graham cracker element. While it delivers in crunch here and there, a weak textural irregularity is all you can feel. There’s no solid crunch of graham, and no real taste influence in the overall flavor of the chocolate. It is, for all intensive purposes, simply there in the air.

Similar to my brief stint in amputee-related pornography, the satisfaction in this chocolate bar is ephemeral, and like the cum-stained days of my legless past, lingers on my palate and leaves my mind heavy with thoughts, nay, dreams, of what could have been. If I had a child, I wouldn’t bother giving them this, opting for only the finest Swiss chocolate and laudanum bar money could buy. Save this for the Whole Foods hipsters and get yourself a Hershey bar. Or better yet, an Amano.