Eli’s on the Hill, Branford, CT

It’s another Swagger review reporting from the old stomping grounds, Southern CT…

As a man who loves to flaunt his intelligence as often as he can, I have found that the best way to do so is through trivia competitions. Every Tuesday night, I get together with the bros and head to our favorite haunt for a few beers, some food, and to figuratively tea bag all the other teams’ impotent intellects with our Brobdingnagian. Aside from the feeling of knowing we are the smartest people in the bar, the food at Eli’s brings us back every week. Eli’s offers a great array of foods ranging from borderline ritzy at an aristbrocratic level to straight up gritty bar food of the broletariat. The bacon cheeseburger with beer battered fries is one of the great things that falls in the middle of these two spectrums.The burger is truly a sight to behold. Between a hard roll, a burger with the works contains a hefty ten ounce Angus patty, multiple thick slices of bacon, American cheese, sautéed ‘shrooms and onions, a slice of tomato, and a few leaves of lettuce. It is truly a burger for men and winners, ladies and losers need not apply. The only gripe I have with this burger is that it may be too big. (And yes, that’s what she said!) When attempting to eat it, at times one would have to unhinge their jaw in order to get a good cross section bite of the burger. People who are not hybrids of snakes often end up with bites of the burger containing a few of the many ingredients.The beer battered fries on the other hand are absolutely perfect the way they come. They are cut to the perfect lengths ranging from two to four inches, and beer battered to have a crisp savory outside and a soft inside. Try hard enough and you can taste the light hint of the beer taste from the batter of the fries. Adding ketchup to these fries will ruin the crisp and slightly salted taste of the great batter and is an act that should be punishable by revocation of man card.

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