Batter Blaster

Motherfucker. I can’t believe I didn’t get around to nipping this in the bud in a more timely fashion. Actually, I can. Like a footlong penis, Batter Blaster is tempting, yet daunting. This sat in our fridge for a few weeks before we ran out of dinner options and mustered up the courage to tackle the beast.Batter Blaster is pancake slash waffle batter in an aerosol can, like whipped cream. Unlike whipped cream, it is unwise to use Batter Blaster on your partner’s naked, writhing flesh, as it is thick and rather pudding like in texture and will make a mess. (That’s what she said.) Batter Blaster is pretty easy to use. Points get shaved off for forcing you to invert the can and hold it directly over a pan splattering oil or butter, as it definitely heightens the risk for third degree burns.One thing that I was really hoping this would bring to my pancake artistry was a little more ease in modulating the amount of batter that I blasted so that I could make designs. Unfortunately, it was difficult to control the flow and I ended up with Batter Blaster all over my hands and in an amorphous blob on the pan.Even when attempting perfectly circular pancakes, the shape of the nozzle makes them all sort of hexagonal. And, like a post-coital organ, they shrink up significantly after being poured. Don’t think I’m hating on Batter Blaster, though. The flavor and texture makes up significantly for its shortcomings on the stove. There is a crispy crust along the exterior of the pancake, probably from the sugar, that really melts in your mouth and gives a sweet flavor. The batter cooks up fluffy and soft and unless aggravated, is never tough.
While I cannot vouch for the value of the Batter Blaster- a single can makes roughly approximately 20-25 smallish pancakes for $5, I can agree that it’s fun and much easier than going through the hassle of mixing. If this was a money-grubbing mommy blog, I’d say something about how simple it is for busy moms on a tight schedule, but I’m a broke-ass college student so I’ll say that it’s simple to prepare before, after, and during a long night of drinking. I cannot wait for the release of bacon Batter Blaster.

Bonus: the photo that didn’t make the cut for this post, on Twitter. (It was too hot for TV)

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