Sonic Red Velvet Cheesecake Blast

It’s like the turducken- three things that probably shouldn’t be together. Red velvet is one thing. The best thing. And cheesecake is another. Maybe the two could live in harmonious bliss, but then Sonic felt the need to bring in ice cream.

Why, Sonic, why? The concept was brilliant. Damn, just fry that shit in little cubes and you are golden. But in 30 degree weather, they put it in a Blast. A Blast, for those of you out of the radius of a friendly Sonic (suck it, Vermont!) is similar to a Frosty from Wendy’s or a McFlurry from McDonald’s. Do they even make those any more? Whatever. It’s a blended ice cream-shake combination with shit thrown in and flavorings. This particular libation resembles a little something I like to call “Elmo a la mode,” because it looks like the poor guy was tossed into a blender along with the rest of the dessert.

It comes in two sizes, regular and large. None of that matters, though, because regardless of size, you’re going to be sick of it after two bites. The shake comes with a languid blob of Cool Whip on top, an addition that seems to have permeated the shake with its hydrogenated mouthfeel and fake cream flavor. The entire thing seems to be infused with it. On top, and scattered throughout the shake, are little cheesecake pieces. The advertisement shows them with tiny bits of red velvet cake on top. This is what 19th century writers would later refer to as “pipe dreams.” They’re just cubes of cake. They’re tasty, but not worth muddling through the goo to find.I was warned the Blast, due to a new mix being recently put in, would run a little liquidy in my order. That was okay with me. Having expressed a past desire to hook myself up to a cake batter IV, this was the next best thing. It still came out dastardly thick, though. The ensuing shake was just unimpressive. If red velvet is named so because of its velvety texture, this was more like “red sandpaper” or “red off-brand condom, ribbed for her pleasure.” It was grainy and lumpy in places with little smoothness to show. David Chang’s red velvet soft serve this was not.

Hoping to get past the texture, I maneuvered a few spoonfuls far from the Cool Whip and tried it again. It tasted like a lethal combination of Cool Whip, weak cake batter novelty ice cream, and my old friend, Red Lake #40. We meet again. Why would anyone want to allocate 840 calories towards this monstrosity? It’s not even good. I ate about three spoonfuls before I got bored. I gave the rest to Swagger. He ate the whole thing.Despite harboring no desire to order this again, on top of a grudge from this replacing my beloved Southwestern Burrito, I am curious about the ingredient “red velvet cake syrup.” Where can I obtain some? What can I do with it?

13 thoughts on “Sonic Red Velvet Cheesecake Blast”

  1. The red velvet cheesecake blast is disgusting as crap. The local store didn’t mix mine properly and I realized where the red color came from. They actually add a CRAPLOAD of red food coloring to their vanilla ice cream and a huge pool of it had collected in a bubble in the middle of the product. The cake was like bubble gum. Chewy and rubbery. The flavor was sickening, like the original post said: like novelty cake batter ice cream.

    Their holiday spiced cookie blast and especially the s’mores blast was WORLD’s better than this garbage. What a monstrosity!

  2. Well I disagree. The red velvet cheesecake blast is super awesome. Instead of the red velvet syrup, trying getting strawberries mixed with the cheesecake bits instead. It tastes much better than the original product. 😛

  3. Our sonic must do a better job than yours, Jess. This blast is awesome. Mine even had a hint of strawberry flavor. I would love for it to become a staple. Could eat it everyday.

    It’s the only thing I’ve wanted for days and I plan to get one soon. Keep it up Sonic!

  4. The Sonic in Boerne rocks, it tastes amazing…
    it doesnt look that appealing but it is.
    andddd also the little cheescake bites are really good

  5. I think it is WONDERFUL!! It tastes really good in SC, and it’s quite addictive. I can’t stop buying them they are so good!

  6. I didn’t like it much at all. The ice cream tasted okay but I agree with the other commenter. The “cheesecake” was nasty. It had a chewy/rubbery texture, not at all like cheesecake. Will NOT be getting this one again.

  7. the first few times i got this blast it was AMAZING and the last time i ordered this the ice cream was gritty and the cheese cake was rubbery…AWEFUL

  8. I think the little cheesecake bites are actually playdoh and tofu mixed together to create a non flavorful disappointment beyond words.

  9. I must agree with last few comments. The cheesecake bites were not good at all. The texture was very chewy and alone they had no flavor. This one is a NEVER AGAIN!

  10. I LOVE the red velvet cheesecake blast! I’m Waiting For IT To Come Out Right At This Very Moment!! I Guess Tennessee Can Do A Good Job When It Comes To Food(:!!

  11. We odered just a choclate milk shake they put the cool whip on top (nasty) it wAs too thick and honestly tasted like coolwhip. I will stick to Carvel for my shakes they use icecream and leave the crap out!

  12. I wish they would bring it back! but until then.. blue bunny’s red carpet red velvet ice cream is pretty close!

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