Clif Shot Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Roks

I don’t know about you, but I think this “Year of the Diet” theory is bullshit. People balk under pressure, and hearing that 2011 is the year to stop fucking shit up is going to only encourage failure. Personally, I’m in the “Year of the Rabbit” ilk. It combines the Chinese (sorry, lunar)New Year and this new idea and allows you to eat all rabbit, all the time. Bun? Indeed.But for those of you who aren’t too keen on wolfing down a laegomorphe with every meal, Clif offers another alternative- protein in the form of rocks. I’ve always been keen on the Clif bars, but I wasn’t sure how keen I’d be on this product. The Clif Roks boast 40% of your daily fiber in a package of ten. Each rock is roughly between the size of a malted milk ball and a grocery store gumball, and oddly enough, roughly between their textures as well. I’m not sure if protein melts, but in anticipation of that ill-fated future, Clif has opted to coat these with a protective shell to avoid this. Protein melts in your mouth, not in your hand.Yeah, that’s a bacon wallet. Gotta keep up my street cred.

The texture of these is a little off-putting. From the packaging and formula, these appear to be optimized to eat while running or exercising, anything you do that requires a little extra protein. I’m sure you wouldn’t chew gum and sprint a mile on the treadmill. If that’s the case, you wouldn’t eat these, either. Eaten whole, they’re extremely unwieldy and difficult to bite through. When I gave up and decided to cut these in pieces, I found it trying to cut them with my knife. The shell shatters under the knife and the inner core is hard. When I finally cut them into smaller pieces, the chew was tough and grainy. Maybe I should have stuck with the rabbit diet. The predominant flavor is actually that of a malted milk ball, with a neutral sweetness that satisfies my craving for something sugary, but an artificial flavor shortly after. It’s like cookie dough in the Uncanny Valley way that Cookie Dough Bites are- not.Also, there’s no money in that wallet. I didn’t bring home the bacon.

I feel like these are bulky and more gimmicky than they make out to be. They seem to serve no real purpose aside from mildly suppressing hunger, whether lying sedentary or actually using them for exercise, and have eschewed taste and texture for a ton of protein. And yet they still manage to have as much sugar as a regular Snickers bar. I doubt I’d get these again, but I like to think I’ll nibble on them from time to time when I’m craving something sweet but don’t want to overindulge.

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