I’m totally a celebrity. My UPS guy thinks I’m a legend, to the point where I have to give him my autograph every time I get a package. Geez, stalker much? My sexuality is mystical, my Levis are unwashed so the denim stays pure, or at least until the washing machine in my unit is fixed. And I get plenty of exciting packages in the mail, circulars notwithstanding. Recently, Dove sent me a package that wouldn’t have been out of place at the Oscars, or at the very least, the Outstanding Performance in Telemundo Series Awards. Candles! Lip balm! Doublemint! Hand soap! It’s perfect for both the mint lover and the obsessive compulsive cleaner in you. And thankfully, I have both.
They’ve recently introduced Dove Mint Chocolate Promises, now 150% more reliable than the promises your parents made you when you were seven. I mean, did you really get that pony? Now, you can self-soothe and self-medicate with chocolate. I’m not typically a fan of chocolate and mint, but in this case, the mint is swirled with white chocolate so the herbaceous flavor is far less intense. The Promises have a very mild flavor, heavy on the cocoa butter and vanilla, almost like butter mints coated in chocolate. The dark chocolate is not very nuanced as far as dark chocolates go, but I liked how it blended with the mint without being too overpowering. They’re tasty as a snack and have a cool melt on the tongue.
If you ignore the vaguely ominous messages printed on the inside of the label that seems almost tailored to speak to your frail self-esteem – “Chocolate won’t let you down!” they’re the perfect snack. I’m surprised that I haven’t tried these before, as they make a nice treat to put out for guests with coffee after dinner. Or serve to the paparazzi outside my house. I mean, that frat guy with the camera who stares at my back door is definitely with the press. Right?
So, just remember, the only certainty in life is smooth chocolate. And, y’know, the sweet, tasty embrace of death.Delicious mint chocolates! Suck it, Thomas Jefferson! Dove for life! Also, don’t they make soap?
This post has been brought to you by My New Bathroom Ceiling (patent pending) courtesy of George, the handyman who didn’t bat an eye at my creepy paintings. Thanks, George.