GNC Lean Shake Cookies ‘n’ Cream

This shake exists so that I can impress the ladies, and by ladies, I mean gentlemen, too. Any takers? Jesus just posted a cryptic Facebook status about our “tOrRiD lOvE xXx” and Sarah Silverman’s got me on speed dial. Plus I have a date with Kelly Keagy tonight and we’re going to play Sister Christian all night long, if you know what I mean. (We’re totally going to make out.) Of course, it’s all due to the large success of this lean shake, which I have been drinking for three days like a fine scotch whisky, brother.

Because I’m starting a new job at a facility that requires me to rely on my innate feminine wiles and toothy charm to extract blood money out of kids my own age, I wanted to check this shake out. Luckily, my mom was around to offer me a ride to the supermarket and we picked this up together.After working out with Keepitcoming Love, I paired this with a scrambled egg to see how it was. My first observation was how much of the mix was skimmed off the top. I wasn’t expecting it to be hard packed inside, but I also wasn’t expecting 1/5th of the cylinder to be empty, either. What is this, a potato chip bag? The side of the package recommends one to two scoops for every eight ounces mixed with either skim milk or water. I tried both. With water, the mix was clumpy and chalky, even when blended thoroughly. The cookie pieces all sank to the bottom and it developed a foamy, airy texture with a milky flavor and weak sugary undertone.Luckily for this, I didn’t give up right there. When blended with milk, the flavors were much more developed and the mixture was more cohesive and shake-like. If you blindfolded me, hung me out a helicopter, and put me over an active volcano with nothing but this to drink for hydration and pour over my head so I wouldn’t burn to a crisp, I would not be able to associate it as cookies and cream. It has the idea of cookies in little brown specks dotted throughout the shake mix, but as far as real cookies go, it is sadly lacking. Just cream is fine, though, and as a descriptor, more accurate than I expected. It tastes a lot like artificial coffee creamer. Still good in my book, though.

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