JetPuffed PumpkinSpice Mallows

Yesterday, I may have convinved you that I do not like pumpkin. This is a lie. Of course I like pumpkin. I was referring to pumpkin the vegetable that I hate, not pumpkin the artificial flavor! And believe me when I tell you that we are getting pumpkin cuh-razy up in this bitch.
I found these yesterday in the same aisle as the pumpkin spice kisses, and when you see two adorable, seasonal candies nestled in the same area, how could you not? It would be like tearing one puppy away from its littermate. If you don’t take the plunge, you’re a soulless bastard. So plunge I did, into a package of Jet Puffed Pumpkinspice marshmallows. And yes, that’s Pumpkinspice. On the package, it’s all capitalized like a generic medication. PUMPKINSPICE, now with extended release nutmeg.

About four of these marshmallows equal one regular sized ‘mallow, and they’re an orange shade of taupe and roughly shaped like pumpkins. I am not a fan of the color at all. Eaten out of context, they look like a candy inspired by the most boring paint schemes available at Home Depot. Because of their squishy texture and raised shape, they end up looking more like scallops before they’re cooked. As marshmallows go, I appreciate the sizing down because these are damned sugary. But because they’re so small, more like mini marshmallows, they don’t really hold up well to roasting. Not to say that our autumn s’more wasn’t totally boss, but they dangled off the skewer and browned unevenly, which made them resemble wrinkly testicles. No joke. But the spice flavors were decent.
They didn’t have the same strength as the Kisses, and had more of a weak, generic spice blend flavor. The texture of the marshmallows was also pretty inconsistent. Some were fluffy and smooth and others were strangely sticky, as though they’d leaked their spice formula, and wrinkled. While fun and festive, they weren’t ideal for snacking on due to their sweetness, and would probably be better for baking in a sweet potato casserole or some killer rice krispie treats. I’m smitten by their charm, but I’m kind of bored with them. If these were stuck in a burning house and I had to choose between these or my broken coffee machine, I’d probably halfheartedly grab these until I realized they were melting in the heat and then abandon them. But I would have thought of them first.

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