Chobani, as a long-time disordered consumer of yogurt, let me be the first to gently deliver this message: knock it off. For starters, you’re making Dannon and Yoplait feel bad. They’ve only just discovered that you can make cake into a flavor for people who think cake is shameful and want to capitalize it. You’re just going to confuse them. Also, I’m pretty sure that Bobby Flay has a monopoly on the concept, flavor, feeling, and etymology of “chipotle,” so you’ll be hearing from his lawyers.But all that aside, I like what you’re doing here. Really! You’re bringing sexy back, or at least gently leading it to that elusive ground where it can never quite find footing: the breakfast table. There’s probably a market for that. No, the sriracha boat hasn’t sailed yet. Sure, there’s some intersectionality between bros who are still filming YouTube videos about how much sriracha they can eat at once but who still crave the right amount of probiotics. This yogurt could fill that void. Theoretically. And while I didn’t find sriracha mango in my local store, presumably because of the crushing demand, I was able to source an elusive chipotle pineapple.
So you’ve stuffed smoked almonds, chipotle-flavored granola, and roasted pumpkin seeds into a pineapple yogurt. It sounds like a recipe for disaster, a $14 cocktail, or a $18 brunch item. Through some sort of alchemy, it manages to spread throughout all of those items. Spicy and sweet items are an established power couple, regardless of the meal. In that vein, there’s nothing wrong with the chipotle granola- it’s a pretty clever way to incorporate the chipotle beyond a crass squirt of hot sauce, although the purist in me would have preferred to see lacy slices of candied pepper as the package represented. The yogurt’s thick creamy texture, as Greek yogurts tend to err, cloaks the spice a great deal, but the afterburn lingers on.The almonds are the chief aberrant feature that need to leave promptly. They taste like what’s left and scraped off after a magnificent barbecue. They’re abrasive in an otherwise balanced breakfast, as if Tony the Tiger crashed a perfectly good tea party with Lucky the Leprechaun and the Froot Loops Toucan. Get out of here, almonds. You’re not wanted here. Be that as it is, though, the rest of the party is solid for a traditionally decent yogurt and I hope that it rouses the other brands out of their cake ruts into a new era of yogurt flavors; Noosa’s Colorado-limited Blackberry Serrano and this could catch on well.