This review is generously brought to you by general anesthetic: making drinks pinker since this morning, after I had surgery, and rendering my words a little dumber each time. Foodette Reviews is filmed before a live studio audience, in bed.
Good news, it turns out they have WordPress in hell. Or do they? Not wishing to make you suffer through a multi-part, existential series in which you question my reality, mortality, and the overall being of man, I’ll let you in on a secret. My surgery was successful, I will live to lift another day. When that day will come is TBD, and until then, I’m living on my mattress, drinking cold-pressed juice and bespoke protein shakes like a motherfucker. True Life: I am very much an adult now. Cereal milk protein is my white whale, because on principle, I just don’t eat a lot of cereal any more. I take too much protein to chow down on cereal but it’s absolutely delicious and I could mainline it straight into my face.Murmurs around the water fountain reveal that CTD Sports’ version, Isolicious, took the base flavors of cereal and shoved them into an unflavored whey protein base. The result is exceptional and very pink in the case of the fruity cereal crunch. I need more in my mouth immediately, also, as soon as I regain the strength to go back to the kitchen.Fruity crunch tastes just like Fruity Pebbles. Honestly. Out of the bag, it’s also a much finer blend than other proteins. It reminds me more of the texture of Cellucor- almost like a powdered sugar than a dense powder, but it never cakes together. The result is sweet but not cloying, nostalgic and childlike except your body is doing it to feed your burgeoning baby muscles and the deltoids you repeatedly asked your trainer about. It’s absolute alchemy- it provides all of the wheaty, carby aftertastes but stripped down to pure protein. It’s really remarkable.I was curious about the other flavors, cinnamon cereal crunch and coco cereal crunch though I was a hair dubious that they would end up falling back into the more generic cinnamon and chocolate flavors in whey protein. Chocolate wasn’t available, so cinnamon it was. Its inspiration, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, has a pretty distinctive flavor. I’d argue that it’s ever so slightly less accurate. It tastes more like frosting on a cinnamon bun- very sweet. I’m not sure if I would be as happy plunking down as much cash for this one, as the cinnamon flavor is aggressive on the palate, more akin to the end of the box than a fresh bowl, and those subtle malt and cereal flavors tend to disappear with each sip.Overall, it is a pretty clean shake, with 100 calories of its 110 per serving coming from protein. The food coloring may bug some people, but I’m not concerned. The sole concern that I have remains on the price- $51.99 for a little under two pounds is on the higher end of the market, especially with some supplements pushing 30g of protein/serving. That’s pretty cost-prohibitive, but hopefully as more retailers start to stock it it will go down in price and perhaps occasionally go on sale. I’m smitten for now, though. As I am still semi-broken, I can’t attest to its fitness benefits just yet. I’m not up to deadlifting 275 yet, but it makes me want to start opening my own windows. Recovery time!