Well, guys, 2011 is coming to a close. It’s been a big year for us here, and I’m sure you’ve all got some interesting stories to tell. If not stories, Facebook photo montages, and if not Facebook photo montages (Photoshop grammar optional) instructional YouTube videos on how to draw Rick Astley in MS Paint. There’s something for everyone, I swear. We’ve been going through the archives with the same embarrassment as going through the Watergate tapes (seriously, the cell phone camera?) and have a few questionably interesting things to showcase.
Because all the cool kids are doing it, I officially present to you Foodette’s Top 10 Posts of 2011. And because none of the cool kids are doing it (get on it!) I’m also giving you the Top 10 Worst Comments and Search Terms of 2011. Enjoy.
Top 10 Most-Viewed Pages of 2011 (The Best)
1. Wendy’s ‘W’ Burger– I was surprised this got so many hits, because it seemed to pale in comparison to the excitement of other new releases from Wendy’s, but people were pretty excited. (Rating: 3/10)
2. MiO Liquid Water Enhancer– I liked MiO despite the fact that this post single-handedly turned my site into WebMD after people started reporting their dietary concerns. (Rating: 8/10)
3. Angry Birds Fruit Gummies– One of the most fun photo shoots I’ve done this year. I’ve really got to get myself my own iPad to deface. (Rating: 5/10)
4. Hershey’s Air Delight Aerated Milk Chocolate– I was surprised that this didn’t make the top three, because it spawned some of the most poorly written comments known to mankind. I wanted to put all of them in the bottom ten. (Rating: 2/10)
5. Big Bamboo Jamaican Irish Moss Peanut Drink– Euphemisms sell, especially when they taste like peanut butter and ice cream. (Rating: 4/10)
6. McDonald’s Peppermint Mocha Hot Chocolate– This was a hit with its limited time release in November, and perfectly timed with New England’s freak October snowstorm. (Rating: 1/10)
7. Chocolate Chex Mix Cookies ‘n’ Cream– I didn’t like these as much as I like cookies ‘n’ cream ice cream, or cookies dipped in milk, or even cookies without milk, but they have potential as an ice cream topping. (Rating: 1/10)
8. Nestle Nutrition Chocolate Nutrament– Want to know why Swagger doesn’t post here any more? This literally killed him. (Rating: 1/10)
9. Kush Cakes– Beating out Lazy Cakes for number nine, these made Little Debbie and her pals look freaking awesome. (Rating: 1/10)
10. MiO Energy Liquid Water Enhancer– Despite making the switch from Sassy Gay Friend to Thunder Dave, people are still incredibly curious about MiO! (Rating: 7/10)
Average Rating of Top 10 Most-Viewed: 3/10! Yikes, I need to step up my hatin’!
Bottom 10 Most Horrific Comments and Search Terms (The Burns)
1. HELP JET PUFFED MARSHMALLOWS ALL OVER TABLE??? This appeared on my Feedjit
back in late June and led the poor reader from Makati, Manila to my Stackermallow review,
which likely exacerbated the situation with its complete lack of housekeeping tips. This isn’t The Help, guys.
2. “I strongly disagree. I loved the salted caramel frap. Your first mistake was ordering it without whipped cream. It’s heaven in a cup. There’s something about your review that annoys me – you have an air about you that comes off that you’re too good for the world. I won’t be returning.” Every so often, there are a few choice gems that I want to include on a “testimonials” page on Foodette. I’m hoping to get subpoenaed by a celebrity for that to actually happen, but if such a glorious day ever comes, this will be on there for sure. Ah, projection, you sweet devil, you.
3. “Please, please, no more pictures of your teeth. And also, please, see a dentist for a cleaning. I agree that this product is useless, however.” Thus proving my point regarding the teeth stainability of Le Whif. Keep ’em coming, guys. Haters literally fuel me.
4. “…could it be SOYLENT BROWN tHINK ABOUT IT!” This is one small excerpt of a ten-page comment regarding a conspiracy theory and Hershey’s. I’ve read this over three times and still find it hilariously awful.
5. “texture impulsions” led some lucky reader from Japan to my latest and greatest review of blk. water! I knew Free Radical Scavenger would catch on! I’m guessing Texture Impulsions is the accordion-centric cover band.
6. “i need fizzard wizard email address now” This didn’t say it was searched from Hogwarts, but I think we all know that it was back in November. Move over, Dumbledore, Fizzard of Fizzies fame is racking up some serious groupies.
7. how it puts crab cakes in acti fry!/help my wings are clumping Oddly enough, both of these came from readers in Kuala Lumpur. It might even be the same reader. I might have to start linking to Dear Abby on this site, but god, I can’t help but find the idea of clumpy wings a little hilarious.
8. “Chubby f***ing” This search term is literally the best thing I’ve ever seen to come out of this website, and that includes the Healthy Choice photo shoot. I don’t know who this reader is, but they’re looking it up at least once every few months. Bless you, Mexico.
9. “lean pocket pretzel bread microwave Explosion” Ain’t that the truth, Topeka. Ain’t that the truth.
10. “Poop soup is on the back burner…ugh.” This pretty much sums up my reaction to Philly Cooking Creme, and everyone else’s, too.
Happy New Year, everyone! Eat well and be merry. 2012 will be a big year for Foodette- conferences, more weird products, and exxxxxxxtreeeeeme photo shoots are in store. Do you have any requests or ideas for the website that you’d like to see in the new year? Hit me up in the comments and we’ll see what we can do.