I know, I know, I’m pretty damned lucky. But really, there’s no reason to be jealous. While the rest of you sit in your temperate, average weather zones, I’ll be in an exotic polar vortex, or Storm Juno as the Weather Channel insists on trending. Don’t malign me for my fortune, for my charmed interactions with the kind people of West Hartford as I traverse Whole Foods, wincing as every clementine and free-range maple syrup candy is decimated from the shelves.Please, refrain from commenting on my sheer caprice, the kind that compels a woman in a Porsche to block me into my parking space and rap on my window for ‘taking her spot’ until I pretend to call the police. But I’ve made it, people, despite the stresses of a wealthy Connecticut town and grocery, I’ve made it home and I’ve eaten my goddamned sandwich.This beautiful monstrosity is inspired by two great places and one even better route- Brooklyn to Guadalajara. Using carrots and roast beef as the main base, I made a carrot and horseradish slaw and mixed it with Empire Mayo’s roasted garlic spread for the Brooklyn base atop Storye rye bread with carrots, made locally in Glastonbury, CT. Guadalajara got a more colorful touch, with an homage to the area’s love of cilantro, onion, and avocado, smashing an avocado on top to cool down the heat with a garnish of porcini salt from Falksalt. A mixture of queso fresco and habanero cheddar broiled on top made the ‘wich cohesive, and after that, it was ready to eat.It was savage, refined, stacked like a stripper and perfectly layered in each bite. The smashed avocado was a perfect foil to the heat of the peppers and cheese, and the sweetness in the carrots brought the sandwich home. It really was like a combination of a torta and a fresser and made for a warm feeling on a cold day. So, despite Ellen Page making a resurgence in the form of snow, I feel like it’ll be a good week after all. And not just because classes are cancelled for the next three days. Huzzuh! Easier than flying to Mexico. Try it and relish it. It brings the most nebbish of heat to the table.