Get that virtual baby shower ready, because this girl is preggo. Pregnant with abs.
I felt them a few weeks ago, emerging from the deep as I was admiring myself shirtless in the mirror to Sade, as you all shamelessly do in the privacy of your own homes, I’m sure. They kicked a little, or maybe they involuntarily flexed at the climax point of ‘Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover’ when I switched to the veritable Ms. Hawkins. I’m going to name them Kevin!
Anyway, in commemoration of Baby Kevin the Abdominal’s upcoming birthday, hopefully in nine months but I’m crossing my fingers for a premature summer birth in time for swim season, I’ve decided to write up one of my latest favorite celebratory desserts, Cellucor COR-Fetti Cake Batter Whey Protein. Get it? COR-Fetti? Because brand names, because core, and because Funfetti is a legally trademarked adjective? But you guys, there’s sprinkles all up in this fine, white powder. Fuckin’ sprinkles. I’ve seen plenty of birthday cake flavors out there, but none to my knowledge have incorporated sprinkles, and yes, that’s a massive selling point when 90% of your diet is meat, avocados, vegetables, and no cake. Nothing makes me want to go and be a beast more than sprinkles do, I swear.The shake is easy to mix and is a very clean protein– whey powder, 130 calories per scoop, 25 grams of protein. With 4 calories in each gram of protein, this makes it 80% complete protein (10 of the calories are from fat) and it has very low sugar and carbs, and for all of that, it packs an excellent flavor and boost. There are no creamers, concentrated fats, or added sugars. I chiefly use it as a recovery drink after my workouts to get a concentrated amount of my daily protein requirements and repair muscle, but hell, I’d drink this for breakfast. While its base is primarily a smooth, classic vanilla, like other shakes, there is a nuance of boxed cake mix- in a nostalgic way. The sprinkles have a bit of flavor themselves, and in the best way possible, this mimics Funfetti cake to a T.
I found that a blender or a blender cup (read: a wine stopper in a Tupperware because laziness) was the best for getting everything mixed together, but in a pinch, a spoon will work as the powder has a very fine consistency and doesn’t clump together in water or milk. Its more neutral base makes it easy to customize– lately, I’ve been using 8oz. of iced Chai tea with 1/4 cup of raw milk yogurt along with a scoop to get more of that creamy, cake and frosting flavor going while masking some of the intense whey and iron aftertastes that can come from these shakes. It’s easy in cereal, mixed with yogurt or almond milk, and thickens up well for a blended pudding that sci-fis its way into tasting like cake batter but comprised almost entirely of whey protein. I don’t know how they do it, I just know that I’m in love.