I ate a $1,000 sundae; I do not have to be good.

When I am feeling depressed, which is, as my therapist tells me, an entirely normal thing despite it happening more often than I’d prefer, I remind myself that I ate a $1,000 sundae. I ate it while smiling at screaming children, a verb, adjective, and noun pairing that comes only once in a blue moon, when I’m sending thoughts their way to the tune of, “This costs more than a week at your boarding school, this costs more than your vacation, I am putting it in my mouth. I will shit gold.” It’s a bit of a clunky mantra but man, it works.g2Serendipity furnished us with this sundae, their famed Golden Opulence Sundae to celebrate their 60th anniversary, eaten in the corner of the Tiffany-lamp bedecked establishment as fifteen people stood in line in the pouring rain. It was better than Betony, it was more opulent than Vegas. And it was actually good. So where does the $1,000 come from? In part, the cost of the Baccarat crystal goblet it’s served in as well we the 24k golden spoon you have to put in, rather than take out of your mouth, which paying customers keep as a souvenir of the sundae. And of course, there’s the frippery- the edible gold sheets, melting like metal butter at the first hint of heat, the Amedei and Pralus chocolates, marzipan, and golden almonds bedecking the top. But what makes it special is how well it redefines savory and sweet- there’s no salted caramel here, this is caviar land, baby. Caviar and vanilla ice cream, two polarizing, pure flavors makes me want to dump osetra into my Breyer’s.g4This particular caviar was a little gentler though still maintained that fruity brininess and pop on the teeth, it goes well beyond salt and incorporates a textural element that breaks through the creaminess of the base and lingers on the palate. The addition of armagnac made each pearl spoonful into my mouth and onto the ice cream that much more boozy and decadent. Despite it being described as a passionfruit-infused dessert caviar, I was chuffed to taste that familiar saline tang.g3How do you rate a $1,000 sundae? Who is going to come and read this for reassurance that they’ve put their money where their mouth is or post a scathing rebuttal on how different their experience was? Is this little more than a frozen gloat for success after a failed job fair? Is it a staunch analysis of dairy semiotics and the economy of frozen desserts? Or is an ice cream just an ice cream?g1Hell no, that shit has gold sugar flowers handmade by Ron Ben-Israel. This is real ice cream, and the rest is just milk. Thanks again to Serendipity for giving us a moment in the sun and feeding us ice cream and lunch until we burst coins.

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