Dunkin’ Donuts Kolache

Dunkin’, I never thought I’d see the day when the hipster trickle-down effect came to your Canton-based doorstep. Kolaches hold nothing but the most tepid of memories for me- first, snarfed down on one of the less traumatic family vacations in a rest stop, then, in Manhattan, snarfed at a small bakery in Clinton. Fast forward three years later, snarfed in the bed of a weird ex who, to my knowledge, now specializes in dumpster diving and ear plugs. Never date art students. Now, in my adventures in the South, Dunkin’ Donuts has seized upon my past adventures in Hershey, Manhattan, and Brooklyn, respectively, and brought the venerable kolache to Arkansas.DSC_9190-2Well. That was disappointing. Unless kolaches are birthed in a litter and I erroneously received the runt, this looks like the kind of food that would have penis envy from pigs in the blanket. A single dollar bill, or four quarters if you’re desperate, has serious clout in the fast food market. It can unlock the mysterious seduction of a McDouble or Double Cheeseburger if you’re one of those Burger King traitors, or purchase 2 cents’ worth of brain freeze from a 7-11. Hell, even Dunkin’ offers an array of donuts that would make even the most refined of sugar junkies blush.DSC_9191-2So why buy this kolache? Not ten miles down the road from my palatial hotel is a kolache bakery that sells monstrous kolaches stuffed with homemade filling for $1.85 and under. Unless you’re really, really into the idea of eating food that would be best at home at a funeral or a terrible cocktail party. Then, by all means, eat away.rating3

3 thoughts on “Dunkin’ Donuts Kolache”

  1. How is that NOT at pig in a blanket? Have I been lied to my whole life? We have pigs in all kinds of blankets in Arkansas, I feel like I didn’t need Dunkin Donuts to introduce that to me.

  2. I had one from Dunkin Donut today for the first time. My past experience is from Texas near Round Rock. I remember a light, fluffy, yeasty, buttery flavored dough with a warm and mildly spicy sausage. What I got from DD was doughy, with a cool center. It tasted as if it had been pre-cooked, refrigerated and warmed in a toaster oven. The dough was rather chewy, with parts near the core slightly under cooked. The meat was cool on my tongue. Not good. I will not try this again.

  3. For a true kolache, you must visit the Czech Stop in West, TX. For a close second, its a 10-ish way tie: inside the russian/jewish area in Houston, there are at least 10 kolache shops within walking distance of each other… probably more. Ask any Houstonian foodie, they will point you to the right place(s). Honorable mention is a place off 290 in between Austin and Houston, Chappel Hill Bakery.

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