I’ve finally achieved a level of comfort between unbridled human autonomy and the robot slavery we’re doomed to undergo once automated insurance customer services (I’m talkin’ to you, Blue Cross) and abused Coca-Cola Freestyle machines rear up and conquer us. That comfort level is the Jawbone Up24. It’s gentle- it tells me what to do and when to do it without insisting, like a sweet suggestion from a passive-aggressive partner, but it gets me going and gives me cold, hard statistics on my body rather than the cold, hard stares my general practitioner gives me.Anyhow, this isn’t about the Jawbone entirely, although it has made me more conscious about my exercise and eating. Like the manic-pixie dream gay of humorists, David Sedaris, I like the digital training aspect, the ‘egging on’ of trying harder. Unlike the venerable Sedaris, I don’t live in picturesque West Sussex and lack the wherewithal to navigate either the snakes and purported alligators of Arkansas, nor the streets of Hartford, Connecticut at noon. So, the gym it is. Also, healthy eating. I purchased yogurt the other day to put some variation in my traditional meat and cigarette breakfast and my credit card company froze my account, assuming fraud.
Luckily, they needn’t have done that, because the dessert yogurt from Tillamook, pictured here in svelte honey cinnamon crème brûlée, is perfect while still managing to affiliate itself with yogurt. It’s the ideal yogurt for wusses who are unsatisfied by the flavor of commercial yogurts nor the Pinterest beauty and lighting conditions of people who make their own by living on farms and farting out cute snark and Zeiss lenses. The yogurt is thick and delicious, creamy with a natural milkiness as the predominant flavor and a healthy spice to it, almost with a heat to it despite the dairy. I’m not sure where the crème brûlée comes in, but I suspect it adds a little extra sugar and $2 to the price.Tillamook has a freshness to it that both allows it to pair well with other ingredients, as seen here in an improvised almond butter, granola, and yogurt parfait, and on its own, out of the tub, like you’re in a Bizarro world version of Bridget Jones, crying and eating an entire tub of yogurt because you’re having too much good sex and look too gorgeous all the time. Story of my life, amirite? The yogurt still maintains its nutrition while allowing for an indulgent, clean flavor and texture. The company also makes ice cream- I could see myself scarfing down a frozen pint of this in a heartbeat. Although the dessert selection is a little too French Laundry for me- c’mon, Tillamook, let’s get down with some chocolate stout and pretzel yogurt, please.