Well, now I know why all my April Fool’s jokes were late. The post office hates me, and FedEx dropped something off that was a ‘restricted material.’ I was prepared for either delicious alcohol or a non-delicious subpoena, job offer, or scam check from a car decal craigslist ad, but was pleased to find a sample bottle of Cheeteau, the new fragrance from Frito-Lay. Now, I’m not a perfume blogger, but I gained a decent deal of perfume knowledge from my last ex, so alongside the real deal, let’s analyze the cologne.
The basenote is distinctly corn, which makes sense, and that vegetal, vanilla note provides for a good amount of the sweetness in the overall scent. I think that there was a bit of liberty in determining the balance of sweet and smoky scents, as the makers didn’t likely want to make the cologne overly dessert-like. The corn is mixed with a slight whiff of burnt plastic, a sort of manufactured note that reminds me of Comme des Garcon’s Series 6: Synthetic line that I find both appealing and a little gross. There’s little information as to the components of this, or to the third-party maker. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d assume this was alcohol-free and made by Demeter, as the scent did not linger long on the skin (3 hours max) and Demeter is known for branching into more outlandish scents without using alcohol in their formulas.That being said, the scent of true, edible Cheetos is mild and the cheese encompasses the corn. Here, the perfume delicately balances the two to make a milky, somewhat sharp scent with an undeniably cheesy topnote that wafts pleasantly off the skin. Is it the scent of hunger? Not entirely. It’s more like the scent of a cheese plate– I never thought that Frito Lay could make Cheetos more sophisticated, but this has proven me wrong. The scent is unisex, perhaps with a slight masculine slant mitigated by the sharper, fermented notes. It’s not extremely accessible, but does make a statement that actually falls out of the realm of neckbeard. I wore it to a moot court competition, because nothing says A-game like the scent of sheer cheese. Overall, this is a fun novelty- and it’s worth buying for the undressed boudoir shot of Chester alone.And dammit, if I don’t see Eau d’Oritos next, I’m going to flip a table.