Wendy’s BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad

I had a number of things planned out for my future tombstone. Call it a list of superlatives, accomplishments. Things I wanted people to know about my life that seemed worthy of paying a person to painstakingly engrave into the marker of my final resting place. ‘Never enjoyed Boston,’ ‘Knew all the words to ‘The Bad Touch,’ ‘Never broke a phone,’ ‘Was heavy in the game,’ and such. But after my HTC kissed the pavement today, I can safely scratch off one of those macabre, creepy hypotheticals. Have you ever broken a phone? It’s like losing a limb. A stupid, slow limb with low battery, but a limb nevertheless.DSC_8519

To ease the pain, I took a salad home for The Bedfellow- Wendy’s has debuted two new salads, Asian Cashew Chicken and Barbecue Ranch and Chicken. The latter seemed decadent.┬áIt was. But it was not a salad.DSC_8525Granted, it was delightful, but do not be confused. It is basically a chicken, bacon, ranch, and barbecue sandwich with no bread and more vegetables. Isn’t there some sort of golden ratio of the bacon allotment per salad? If so, this is not it, because there’s just as much bacon as there were flavorless lettuce chunks.DSC_8513The Saladict Arnold, topped with bacon and ranch, also comes with a side of Marzetti Barbecue Ranch dressing. Xzibit, I hope you’re reading this. I don’t know if the first application of sauce was standard to the salad, but mine was doused before I opened the second one. Vegetables play a supporting role to the proteins and sauces here, but include char-grilled corn, tomatoes, and shredded cheddar cheese, which may as well count as a veggie. Pro tip: itemizing this salad on your weekly food diary for your half-lupine personal trainer as ‘salad’ is as effective as writing off your new BMW as a business expense. Don’t do it.

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