Oh, gas stations. Sometimes I forget how novel and wonderful they are. I’ll admit, having a car and paying my own bills and buying toilet paper, the harbingers of adulthood, has made me a little jaded. Gone are the days when I could waltz into a convenience store on the hunt for nary more than barbecue chicken-flavored Cheetos and leave with that and a Slurpee. Now there’s gas to buy, or I’ll slump in for an Aspirin after a long night of studying. The novelties go overlooked in favor of deodorant and ice scrapers. Perhaps I sensed something magical in the damp, inexplicably snowy air today, because I paused by the candy aisle, scanning the Hershey bars, Starburst, and weird, sticky Twizzlers knockoffs to find something delightfully creepy, and terribly named.
Behold- Nutffles! It’s a portmanteau that basically apes off Pokemon and just shoves two words together to create something awkward and trendy to say. Nut truffles. Was Fauxrero Gaucher too inaccessible? In any case, these Australian truffles combine red velvet flavoring, chocolate, and whole almonds to create something apparently worth $1.99 at a gas station. Nutffles, you were next to incense, get off your high horse. Four to a package, Nutffles imitate that other nut and chocolate and crispy-based ball, but fall severely flat of expectations.The white chocolate coating is inoffensive, but the inside is luridly red and gives the impression of biting into some sort of small bug or lesion. The flavor of the food coloring, bitter and greasily sweet, like a poorly made buttercream, attacks on all fronts and overshadows any residual flavors. The crunch of the almond is the sole indicator of its presence. By and far the creepiest part were the speckled chunks of food coloring dotting the red velvet bisection, not entirely mixed in. On the plus side, not eating more than 1/2 of a truffle made me feel marginally better about myself, and gives me something to brag about to my personal trainer this week. Little victories.