Easter. It’s a popular holiday, from what I’ve heard! I celebrate holidays in the same way some people eat at buffets- I sample. I’m bipartisan to both Hanukkah and Christmas, I indulge in brisket at Passover, and I gladly collect my basket when the rabbit comes around. And I love Easter candy- it’s guileless, it lacks the weird brand and character reliance and codependency of Valentine’s Day candy, and seems to have the most variation from year to year. This year alone, we’ve seen an entire Duff Goldman’s worth of cake flavors from Russell Stover, and now, mutant Peeps! I reserve the right to call them Creeps.
Sour Watermelon Peeps are the unnatural union of fruit, marshmallow, and hues ripped from a vintage Asics windbreaker. Their innards are liver-pink, and their soulless eyes, a hue of brown akin to the seeds of a watermelon. There are only two seed-eyes. A good design choice there, as a speckling of brown seed eyes all over the Peep body would have resulted in something out of a Guillermo del Toro film. Gone is the comforting shock of sugar to the system, replaced with a bitter, sour outer shell and oddly floral marshmallow flavor. The bubblegum texture remains, even more unpleasantly so. They are as novel as they are inedible, which is to say, extremely. Because of their odd seasonal release and ‘extreme’ color selection, they err more toward Peeps with a mild mood disorder than special, holiday Peeps. These would have been better around Halloween, but they’re inexplicably here for Easter and throw a rebelliously off-putting flavor into the traditionally saccharine melange.