Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the grocery store! I stopped by my local supermarket last night after a walk around town now that the weather has cooled down. Motivated by hubris and a strident feeling of douche-awesome stalking around the bakery section in a tank top, I decided to stroll by the cookie section. “They can’t hurt me,” I thought, “Now that I have calves of steel and buns of terror. It also helps that I forgot my wallet at home.” Of course, then I walked by the Oreos, only to do a double take halfway through the aisle. Coconut Delight Oreo Fudge Cremes! How very tropical. How “staycation” of Oreo to model their latest cookie after such a popular poolside beverage flavor. Seeing no notice of it online, merely a tantalizing “coming soon!” banner on the Oreo headquarters homepage and some blogger’s grainy iPhone photo only served to further tempt me. Obviously, I drove back to the grocery store a half hour later, coming home with groceries consisting of 40% Oreo-related content and 60% zero-calorie beverages. I do it for the kids.
Well, luckily, I won’t be ruining my sculpted physique any time soon with these. They’re solidly mediocre, on par with an $11 specialty drink at Chi-Chi’s or an $11 specialty dance behind a Hooter’s. I was initially a little worried about this flavor combination with the Fudge Creme. As I’ve lamented before, half the cookie and twice the mockolate coating does not a balanced snack make. In this case, it’s the same scenario. Would the coconut cream filling be tastier in a plain Oreo cookie? Possibly, but we’ll break it down further. The cookies smell off-putting, in a fake butter, stale popcorn artificial way. That’s the first strike. In flavor and texture, they suffer from the same imbalance of the Birthday Cake Fudge Cremes, yet lack that addictive canned frosting flavor that kept us coming back. The second strike? They’re bloomed! These are brand new and they’re already suffering from the poor quality of their outer shell.
The coconut filling is where this really fell short of expectations. These have been out for about a week, maybe even less, and the coconut is already muted and mild, with a mere hint of creaminess and toasted flavor. Were these sourced from a Taiwanese warehouse? Something doesn’t add up. These carry a very specific memory for me- once, my ever-thrifty grandmother bought two boxes of Girl Scout cookies and decided the package was superfluous. She stored the Trefoils and Samoas in a mutual Tupperware and forgot about them for six months. Half a year later, the Trefoils had a gentle infusion of coconut, not enough to significantly alter the flavor for the better, but gave them a noticeably strange hint of tropical ass. These cookies are similar- dull, sweet, and wholly synthetic.
These are the same way, reminiscent of Samoas, yet bland and overly sweet. Both the delicately salted chocolate cookie and the fruity coconut are drowned in a sea of awful coating. Seasonal flavors are a treat to see and these will do in a pinch if you’re housebound, but the waxy chocolate coating makes these pretty unappealing.