Haribo Orangina Pik

Everything here is cute because I am in the stage of what’s commonly known to sociologists as the “honeymoon phase” of complete and utter culture shock. The dogs belonging to the homeless people (I mean nomads!) are cute. The pigeons (I mean doves!)  on the streets are cute. Even the overpriced (I mean high-quality!) groceries are cute and wonderful and amazing. And so far, the cutest thing of them all has undoubtedly been these gummies, the result of six subway stops worth of hunting for the one vending machine that I vaguely recall having them. This is what’s known as a “compulsion.” Anyhow, screw that. Haribo has partnered with Orangina to create a gummy, the Haribo Orangina Pik and that’s all you need to know.

Orangina, still reeling from (and hawking) their successful man-beast hybrid sex campaign (look it up, it’s real) has made the absolute best career move of their entire life. Haribo makes the best gummies in the world. It’s a very natural, perfect pairing. And the gummies are shaped like little Orangina bottles. If I ever type a more perfect sentence, I won’t know it because I’ll have had an aneurysm from the cuteness flooding to my brain. There are two types of gummies to correspond with two Orangina flavors. Presumably, these were orange and blood orange, but looking at the Orangina website, they could be Orangina Indien or Orangina Geisha for all I know. The website is a little traumatizing.

The gummies, however, forgive all. They’re very bright both in color and flavor, with a forward, bitter zestiness and distinct sour, sweet fruitiness. The Haribo chew is like nothing else- dense and fleshy, with the most satisfying bite. The gummies are very firm and hold their shape well, and despite their thick coating of sour sugar crystals, shed none of them in the poking/photography process. I adored these. It’s fairly obvious that I loved them, but I especially loved them because they were so different in flavor. I even went out and bought Orangina to compare them to, and they were identical.

The Orangina Rouge was sweeter than the regular one, with a juicy, slightly sour flavor and lemon-heavy base, and the regular Orangina was a little more bitter, more reminiscent of the oil of orange rinds rather than the actual fruit. Delicious, idiosyncratic, and- dare I say it? Damned sweet.

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