DiGiorno Four Cheese Rising Crust Pizza

I was feeling lazy today- okay, pull my leg- and wanted pizza. Problem was, I didn’t want to be social and wait around at a pizza place with the potential of social interaction, and I didn’t want to deal with waiting for people to cook the pizza and bring it over. The surgery turned me into a bitch, I guess.

So I dropped by the grocery store to congratulate myself on my new job as a camp counselor and picked up a frozen pizza. I figured I’d get DiGiorno’s, because I wanted delivery, and it is in their motto, if you will. Hefty pizza, for starters. Very heavy.

Inside the box is a round pizza with a good amount of cheese on it. DiGiorno boasts four cheeses on this pizza, including parmesan, mozzarella, asiago, and romano. I put it in the oven and read the back. I’m always amused by the back of the packages, like how they specify that the pizza shown in the cartoon-y illustration on the box might not actually be the pizza in your oven, and such. I wonder what asshats call into customer support for that.

So I waited for the pizza, and after about twenty minutes, it came out. Visually, it’s not a very appealing pizza. The outside ring of the crust was too crispy and hard looking, and the inner, middle part was mushy looking and undercooked.

Cutting into it, though, was different. It was obviously fully cooked and had a nice texture, but having grown up around such good pizzas in my life, I don’t feel like this was really a pizza at all. What they lost in circumference of pizza, they made up for in height. I don’t like that at all. I’m used to big, wide pizzas with a good, crisp crunch to them, where you can eat four huge slices of. Three tiny and squat slices of this was half the pizza and made me feel fat. If anything, this was more like a cheesy bread than pizza. The cheese didn’t melt off and string like good mozzarella does on pizza, it congealed and lumped off.

As for the bread, the advertisement didn’t lie. The crust rose. But no more than I’d have expected a regular pizza to have risen. I gave the ends of the crust to my dog because they were almost sickly sweet and had a honeyed flavor I did not enjoy.

I guess I’m too spoiled to appreciate this. It’s a bread. I was looking for a cornmeal dusted, crispy treat that I could eat a lot of and be full from, and what I got was a dense, thick bready thing.
3/10- AWFUL

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