Either I’m an idiot, or the kale industrial complex is pulling the veiny, tough greens over your eyes. And let me tell you, I nearly skirted the median this semester, so I’m pretty sure Big Kale is out to get you. My point is, I fought the slaw and the slaw won. Kale is no joke. Even when liberally smothered in my most favorite disguise of flavors, its natural, vegetal haunt shines through, like an unwashed natural body odor on an otherwise attractive frame. Continue reading “Rhythm Superfoods Mango Habanero Kale Chips”
This review is generously brought to you by general anesthetic: making drinks pinker since this morning, after I had surgery, and rendering my words a little dumber each time. Foodette Reviews is filmed before a live studio audience, in bed.
Good news, it turns out they have WordPress in hell. Or do they? Not wishing to make you suffer through a multi-part, existential series in which you question my reality, mortality, and the overall being of man, I’ll let you in on a secret. My surgery was successful, I will live to lift another day. When that day will come is TBD, and until then, I’m living on my mattress, drinking cold-pressed juice and bespoke protein shakes like a motherfucker. True Life: I am very much an adult now. Cereal milk protein is my white whale, because on principle, I just don’t eat a lot of cereal any more. I take too much protein to chow down on cereal but it’s absolutely delicious and I could mainline it straight into my face. Continue reading “CTD Sports Isolicious: Fruity Cereal Crunch and Cinnamon Cereal Crunch”
The first review of the new year isn’t always promising. And yes, it starts with a cheat. I’ve had a bag of kale chips, coconut chips, and three different flavors of whey sitting on my counter for a week now but decided to go for the kill and suffered greatly for it.Mediocrity comes at a cost. Roughly $12, to be precise. Continue reading “Tea-Rrific! Limited Batch Ice Cream Brown Butter Sticky Toffee”
Happy New Year. I am taking today to quietly contemplate the beauty of food, the passage of the shitshow 2015 revealed itself to be, and stave off any impending emotions that come upon my realization that this year, I graduate, lose my cushy healthcare, take the bar, move again, or not move? I will also attempt to not kill myself in my first-ever fitness-based competition and complete the dry yet poignant and relevant novel that I have been working on since November, buy pet insurance, contribute to my IRA, cook more, and get a job. I have no resolutions. I have resolved myself to a bleak, exciting adulthood. That’s good enough for me.But today, I’m taking a goddamned break. All of that comes later. Are you ready for this? Are you ready?