Chocolatier Chocolate Covered Cherry Premium Wine Specialty

Ugh, this flavored wine specialty reads like the hate child of a poorly translated overseas food product and a Pinterest board doubling as a cry for help. This thing should come with a sticker that says, “I’m like an alcoholic, but for chocolate, and also, booze.” I found this in a Walgreens, which explains a lot. At first blush, you might think this is okay to ingest because of the sparse ingredient list, until you realize that it reads like the end of a Beckett novel. “Other than standard orange wine with cream, natural flavor, caramel color, and certified colors, in an instant all will vanish and we’ll be alone more, in the midst of nothingness.” The website claims wholesome usage of American ingredients. That must be the certified colors. Also worth mentioning is that the distributor also markets and makes ‘Squizzante’, which I’ve already taken the liberty to add to Urban Dictionary. I think I had a squizzante this morning. DSC_8946 Continue reading “Chocolatier Chocolate Covered Cherry Premium Wine Specialty”

Hiland Dairy Farm Old Recipe Vanilla Cupcake Milk

It’s weird to find something that doesn’t exist on the internet. Here’s a small list of things that don’t exist there: people who live off the grid, trash, and the last season of Community. Yeah, Season 4 can suck it, I’m still bitter. And even those things can be googled or complained about on some sort of message board. Hell, even the world’s most tragic conversation can be found online. When something isn’t searchable it either doesn’t exist in reality or it’s creepy and gross. Here’s Hiland Dairy Farm’s Cupcake Milk. As you can guess, it literally cannot be Googled, and is featured nowhere on their website. I may have stumbled onto a grainy, terrifying prototype, sprinkles not included. DSC_8943 Continue reading “Hiland Dairy Farm Old Recipe Vanilla Cupcake Milk”

Drink the Garden at the Peel Mansion, Bentonville, AR

On a sunny Saturday, I beat the sweltering heat and depressing traffic to make my way to the historic Peel Mansion in Bentonville, to attend the first annual Drink the Garden event, which benefits renovation to the mansion and its grounds. Despite being bracketed by a Panda Garden and a Walmart, the mansion is beautiful, a piece of serenity on a busy road, featuring meticulously maintained grounds, a garden, and a house erected in 1875 by Colonel Samuel West Peel, the first native Arkansan elected to the US Congress and an apple aficionado. The trees and plants are still there, and today’s event featured four mixologists using herbs from the garden to create clever cocktails for attendees to vote on as we perused the grounds.DSC_8888-2 Continue reading “Drink the Garden at the Peel Mansion, Bentonville, AR”

Razorback Rolls

You know I’m not a sports fan. Thank goodness my bosses know I’m not a sports fan, either, but they’re kind to me all the same. That being said, I’m a little bummed that I can’t stay through September, if only to see a Razorbacks game for the sheer cultural experience of being near 50,000 people who are really, really into football. Everyone around here has some sort of Razorback paraphernalia- on their car, or on a lanyard, or a shirt. Even Huskies fans aren’t that excited about our mascot, though that could be due to the fact that he was newly designed as a rabid husky. To immerse myself a little further, I made Razorback Rolls using the Lékué rice cooker. The company sent over a sample last week and I was as pumped as a sports fan whose favorite sport has sported in the last sport of the sport season and won the sport. Yay, new cooking equipment!DSC_8858 Continue reading “Razorback Rolls”

10 in 30: Top Eats in Arkansas, Month 1

Welcome to a new feature on Foodette- eating for one drastically restricts the menu items I can taste or try, and in the interest of trying as many places and new culinary discoveries as possible, I’ve decided to compile the top ten things I’ve eaten in the last 30 days, both to demarcate the time I’ve spent here (I’ve been an Arkansawyer for a whole month!) and give a taste, so to speak, of some of the exceptional food around here. Without further ado, here’s May 18 to June 19– a miraculous, strange, beautiful month in no particular order.wpid-img_20140613_171420.jpg Continue reading “10 in 30: Top Eats in Arkansas, Month 1”

B Sweet Hot Bread Pudding Cookies & Cream

Yes. I love you. Parent company, I love you so much, but I have to confess that I found myself wandering late last night. I know you’re always open, I know you’re there for me. I drove down the road and made the turn, intending to just drive by, see what was going on. But the air conditioning and dollar bins beckoned me. Truly, I don’t know how it happened, but when I woke up, I was sprawled across one of those red concrete balls, snoring like a bulldog. In my hand was a frozen carton of bread pudding from B Sweet and a fresh bullseye tattoo smarted across my bicep. Oh god. A Target exclusive. What have I done?wpid-wp-1403057974378.jpeg Continue reading “B Sweet Hot Bread Pudding Cookies & Cream”

My Brother’s Salsa Peach Tomatillo

Midway through the fifth season, I found a sick bird fluttering on the ground while I was walking to and from the center of town. It looked alert and fine and none of its wings appeared to be broken, but it couldn’t keep its head up. I sidestepped around it and then I came back. I carried it in my hands for an hour and dripped water into its beak from a water fountain until I found a styrofoam cup and kleenex from a sports memorabilia store and brought it home with me.

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Órale Mexican Kitchen, New York, NY

Here is huge tip for future reference: The way to win me over is to give me a mind blowingly good, but not brain freezing, frozen margarita. I prefer it to be a frozen strawberry margarita, but I also understand limitations. I will also do cucumber, passion fruit, pomegranate, and one day I hope to encounter a raspberry frozen margarita. I am sure that my literary idols do not respect me for this and are currently glaring down at me as they sip the heavy, brown liquors that saturated their livers and eventually killed them.wpid-img_2311.jpg Continue reading “Órale Mexican Kitchen, New York, NY”

#shop Beer-braised Jalapeno Sausage Sliders with Pimento Cheese

I am a member of the Collective Bias®  Social Fabric® Community.  This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. All of the proceeds from this will go to the Buying Flowers for my Girlfriend Fund, a for-profit organization on behalf of my girlfriend and also, me. DSC_8831 Continue reading “#shop Beer-braised Jalapeno Sausage Sliders with Pimento Cheese”