I have resigned myself to the somewhat weird, mythological loop of living in an extended-stay hotel. Legends shall know me as Jessica, of the Embassy Suites, or Jessica, the Latter-Day Eloise, or Jessica, she who now refuses to wear clothing on the weekends. Living in a hotel is part indulgent and part watching a beloved relative or public blogging figure lose all of their remaining self-sufficiency. I may have forgotten how to make a bed. And how to cook eggs. I may have lost all meaning of non-fresh towels, warm from the dryer, fresh sheets changed on a daily basis, and I may occasionally ogle nicer hotel rooms on the internet on the hotel’s internet connection (oh baby, I’m sorry) but I have not lost the ability to both endure and enjoy terrible food. 
Continue reading “Taco Bell Sour Cream Dip Spicy Habanero”
Month: May 2014
Chia Pod Vanilla Bean
Food-wise, it’s been a weird week of adventures, ranging from excellent tacos from a tacky-looking chain to complimentary hotel breakfast regimens of sausages and cantaloupe. I received pheasant from a coworker, freshly shot in South Dakota, and ate impeccable Szechuan and Thai takeout. Arkansas, you crazy. I think I love you. When I’m not delighting my creditors with my flagrant burger purchases, I’m trying to eat at home- small, canape-style food like I had in Paris, and with Fresh Market so close, it’s difficult to resist the siren’s song of decent coffee and gelato. 
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Road Trip III: Arkansas in all its glory
To cap off my Arkansas montage, I bring you highlights from my first week of work and first weekend, whereupon I spent an entire 72 hours and counting doing nothing but eat, swim, and lay about in the altogether perusing documents. Adventures were had! A Foodette was social! Horses were seen! At this point, though, having seen three smooshed to the side of the road, my new culinary goal is to find and hunt an armadillo, and then cook it to my liking, preferably serving it in its shell. If they can’t evade cars, surely me and a Daisy Air Rifle ought to do the job. 
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Road Trip II: Paris to Bentonville
I love my job. I never thought I’d say that or that I’d reach a point where I’d have a job, much less a job that I enjoy and look forward to. It’s a great internship- granted, I’ve only had a day so far but it was a marvelous, welcoming day full of power suits, assignments, witty coworkers, and a rockin’ jam to Steely Dan in the car. Hell yes. You’re looking at the official Walmart/Sam’s Club risk management, antitrust, marketing, and merchandising legal intern, complete with a window cubicle. And they love Foodette!
So, what have I been up to? Aside from fretting over shirt and shoe pairings and getting my first projects for the summer, I’ve been swimming and relaxing and adventuring over the last few days. Continue reading “Road Trip II: Paris to Bentonville”
#MC The Thigh-High Cocktail, inspired by Reebok Skyscape
I participated in an influencer activation on behalf of Millenial Central for Reebok. I received product samples to facilitate my review as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation. Don’t be hatin’, this will help me buy a new briefcase.
Woof. Cocktail time. I originally made this for Cinco de Mayo, but am posting it now because it’s always a good time to drink a cocktail, right? I had access to a juicer a few weeks ago, while dogsitting, and decided to use a few easy ingredients- tequila, grapefruits, limes, agave syrup, and diet club soda to make a refreshing and tasty cocktail without any of the guilt of a massive margarita.
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Guest Review: Wild, Williamsburg, NY
Austen writes the exceptional and equally snarky book blog, Page Terror and is my NYC correspondent while I am in Arkansas.
Foodette and I go back some years and, for avid readers, I believe that I have been referred to as ‘Austen’ in past reviews. Austen is a reference to Jane Austen, the brilliant social satirist who earned herself a place next to men such as Jonathan Swift and Alexander Pope, but instead gets cast into the same lot as Nora Ephron. My point is that although Foodette has graciously titled me Austen, Foodette is the writer whose unique voice sends you spiraling forward with her highly unusual and provocative prospectives. She is a great catalyst for thought and I frequently find myself questioning my palate in response to her.
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White Castle Chicken & Waffle Sandwich
I have arrived at the dubious conclusion that I might be okay. Yeah. It sounds pretty true when I say it out loud to myself in a coffee shop. I’m the guy wearing sunglasses indoors and scowling, come say hello! I used to joke with my friends that, like a pre-Abed, my understanding of emotional processing came from watching feature-length films, it took me three hours or less to work my way through feeling poorly, or having trouble, or getting screwed over.
In this case, it might have worked. I’m feeling harder today. My car is getting repaired and I’m approaching the realization every sentient asshole figures out sooner or later: nothing is forever and people who are smarter and have 100% more bricks than you do will take your things if they feel like it. Fine. I sang Jim Croce’s version of ‘Bad, Bad Leroy Brown’ to myself three times and now I’m over it.
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Jeni’s Donut Gravel
So, I’m in Kansas City. I said I’d provide an update when I arrived in Arkansas, but for the moment, I’m here.
My car got broken into last night.
I walked out in boxers and sunglasses with a killer grin on my face at 1PM this afternoon only to find my back window smashed and my briefcase gone, the one my dad gave me for graduation. They only stole one thing, something buried underneath a blanket and a suit jacket, and it mystified and killed me a little, partly due to the administrative annoyance, but mostly due to the sentimentality of it. It had my passport. It had my dumb little Bluetooth speaker, which I liked because it was red and I got a good deal on it and it was decently loud. It had my fashionable flask with embroidered bow-ties. It had my medication and my grandfather’s old stationary.
They took my travel journal.
Road Trip: Hartford to Paris
The road trip has begun! In three days, I’ve driven from Hartford, CT, to Hershey, PA, to Oberlin, OH, and now, I’m sitting in a motor lodge in Paris, IL, which I insisted upon solely due to the sheer weird nostalgia of being in Paris in another country. Turns out it’s basically the same as any other small town, but I’m consoling myself with a very impassioned religious channel and a plastic cup of gin with leftover dry ice from the Jeni’s I carted from Columbus this afternoon. I call it the G-N, the negative gin and tonic. It’s special in only the way that a motel cocktail can be.
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Bixby Bar Whippersnapper
One last hurrah before I start my long and lonely drive with little more than Supertramp and protein shakes for company. I picked this up at Whole Foods a few days ago- it’s rare that I miss the Fancy Food Show; this would have been my fifth consecutive year, and with work obligations and the weekday timing of the show, I just can’t make it. I’m sadder than I expected, so I’ve been combing the shelves in a sort of halfhearted miniature attempt to mimic the real thing. And lo and behold, I found some new chocolate! From what I’ve read, Bixby Bars have been around since 2013 and have some magnificent flavors and sweet, minimal packaging with a vintage flair. This is- was, the Whippersnapper, with 72% dark chocolate, walnuts, Maine blueberries, and Tellicherry black pepper.
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