Oh, gas stations. Sometimes I forget how novel and wonderful they are. I’ll admit, having a car and paying my own bills and buying toilet paper, the harbingers of adulthood, has made me a little jaded. Gone are the days when I could waltz into a convenience store on the hunt for nary more than barbecue chicken-flavored Cheetos and leave with that and a Slurpee. Now there’s gas to buy, or I’ll slump in for an Aspirin after a long night of studying. The novelties go overlooked in favor of deodorant and ice scrapers. Perhaps I sensed something magical in the damp, inexplicably snowy air today, because I paused by the candy aisle, scanning the Hershey bars, Starburst, and weird, sticky Twizzlers knockoffs to find something delightfully creepy, and terribly named.
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Month: March 2014
Archer Farms Gyro Wood-Fired Crust Pizza
Where will Big Pizza stop? It seems like they’ll chuck anything on a crust for the world to listlessly chew, alongside their doughzac/pepperonazepam cocktail, while watching reruns of Honey Boo Boo. Just keep chewing. For those of you still trapped in a pizza wasteland, namely, anywhere outside of Connecticut, Archer Farms has some weird solutions for your topping woes. They’re making it rain with strawberries, green beans, brie, pear, and now, everyone’s favorite late-night meatfest, gyro.
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Guest Post: Mana’eesh
Cousin Plate-O is back again, featuring a classic Jordanian breakfast with infinite possibilities stuffed inside- for more of his adventures, find him at In His Majesty’s Scholarly Service. 
I should’ve known this already, but it turns out that the best part of hosting one’s family at one’s workplace is using them as an excuse to take a break from the normal eating routine. When most of your meals are of the school-dining-hall variety, as mine are, this opportunity takes on a particular significance, and it was with extreme gusto that I forewent my typical breakfast to indulge in a Jordanian specialty.
Hearty Kitchen, West Hartford, CT
Connecticut is great– we have beaches, a tasteful selection of outerwear and haircuts, and our babies are born with a keen sense of interior design and frigid sarcasm. But our fried food is self-sacrificially uninteresting. So when Hearty Kitchen entered the Hartford scene last month, I was really looking forward to trying their fare. The menu featured simple things- fried chicken as the main protein, paired with waffles or biscuits, all available gluten-free. Unfortunately, Nutmeggers are going to have to keep looking. Hearty Kitchen succeeds as a takeout operation and fails as a restaurant.
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#shop Triple-B Dip and Brown Butter Brownies for Basketball Season
I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. Go Huskies! Go Minutemen!
Looking for snack recipes for all of your basketball-watching? Look no further, I have a few recipes that I’ve concocted for the games.This year, both of my alma maters have made it into the NCAA tournament- UMass Amherst and UConn. Go Minuteman Husky! God, that’s a terrifying beast. I’ll be cheering for them both, albeit warily as, like all sports, I have no idea what’s going on. Still, I’ve come up for some snacks for the game for all to enjoy.
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Upton’s Naturals Chorizo Seitan
One of my doctors recently told me to reduce the amount of meat in my diet. At least, I think that’s what she said. I was too busy laughing and speed-dialing Morton’s. (Table for one, Porterhouse for two) I wonder if I have a hearing problem instead. I may not listen to people with medical degrees or the impending, irregular beat of my heart, but if there’s anything I pay heed to, it’s good packaging, which explains why, at 12:35 in the afternoon, clad in nary but a windbreaker and a pair of Lycra shorts, I intentionally sought out and purchased an entire package of Upton’s Naturals Chorizo Seitan.
Pause for a moment. Breathe. Continue reading “Upton’s Naturals Chorizo Seitan”
McDonald’s Buffalo Chicken Poutine
Back from the lean, mean streets of Canada, I bring you the sole restaurant or food review of the entire trip- Buffalo Chicken Poutine from McDonald’s. We opted to take a mainly tech-free vacation to better connect to each other and remember what penmanship was. Subsequently, I had a wonderful time and have a journal full of poorly-rendered sandwich drawings– and now, this, with 100% more surreptitiously taken grainy photos! 
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Green Tea, Lemon, and Cacao Nib Banana Bread
I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for #CollectiveBias and its advertiser. Read on- it features delicious banana bread!
If you’re snowed in this weekend, why not try this twist on banana bread? It’s made with easy ingredients that I had while I was snowed in- bananas, cocoa nibs, lemon zest, and Bigelow Green Tea. While I brewed myself a cup of tea, I used a few extra bags to steep in a mixture of water and lemon juice for my recipe. It definitely gave the bread a unique, citrusy flavor from the matcha and lemon- and now that Bigelow has special bonus teabags included with each box, I can use them in my recipes and have a mug for myself. I picked these up at Walmart.
The bread is made in a blender, which gives it a finer texture than most banana breads, almost like a fruit terrine. This version is gluten-free, but you could easily substitute regular flour as well. I added the cocoa nibs at the end. It made for a nice breakfast bread and snack after school, and would be fun to bring to a Saint Patrick’s Day party, maybe with a green matcha glaze on top? Bigelow is versatile for these recipes- it’s really #AmericasTea!
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Sweet Lemonade Peeps
Peeps ahoy. Fresh from an impulse shopping trip at Target, replete with rice macaroni and cheese, tiny bottles of Gatorade, and orange cereal bowls, we scouted and discovered a new and equally terrible breed of Peeps, this time in acrid lemonade flavor! Full disclosure, some part of the $1.29 does go toward curing childhood cancer, so even if you purchase these for the sole purpose of pelting someone in the head with them, you’re doing a little good for the world.
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Sour Watermelon Marshmallow Peeps
Easter. It’s a popular holiday, from what I’ve heard! I celebrate holidays in the same way some people eat at buffets- I sample. I’m bipartisan to both Hanukkah and Christmas, I indulge in brisket at Passover, and I gladly collect my basket when the rabbit comes around. And I love Easter candy- it’s guileless, it lacks the weird brand and character reliance and codependency of Valentine’s Day candy, and seems to have the most variation from year to year. This year alone, we’ve seen an entire Duff Goldman’s worth of cake flavors from Russell Stover, and now, mutant Peeps! I reserve the right to call them Creeps.
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