Brooklyn Salsa Mole Tacos

With an enormous rainstorm and a chilly wind, we’ve finally ushered the oppressively hot summer out and have welcomed in autumn. I forgot how much I missed those good New England fall evenings. My new place is on the top floor of the building, and has an advantageous position both for a pleasant view and smoky winds, coming in from the fields and filling the place with that scent I so missed while abroad.

Last evening, the Bedfellow and I decided to mimic the smoky scents with a dinner reminiscent of that pungency, using an ingredient we picked up at the Fancy Food Show. This is Brooklyn Salsa’s newest creation, a hot mole salsa that speaks more like a sauce.  I can’t give it a higher opinion- it’s the best jarred mole I’ve ever tried, with absolutely no fatty or oily texture to speak of, with a smooth, rich flavor redolent with roasted chili peppers, sesame, and chocolate.

The tacos had equal aplomb, coated in crema, queso fresco, avocado slices, and roasted tomatoes. Color me gauche, but I love Hunt’s fire-roasted canned tomatoes. They added a decent depth of flavor without diluting the sauce, and if anything, contributed to the strength of the more roasted flavors.

With those and the aforementioned toppings piled on fresh blue corn tortillas- a pleasant and snappy diversion from the blank white corn canvases, we had ourselves a wonderful autumn meal. Making these vegetarian would likely also be fun, as I can imagine the flavors would translate well to squash or other dense vegetables.

I’m curious to try the other salsas- I’d love to see if they’re as dualistic as dips and sauces as this one was.

Sunland Creamy Thai Ginger and Red Pepper Organic Peanut Butter

I’m not ashamed to say it: I live in a town that caters to the 3AM drunk food scene. Compared to Rubinoff, food is an afterthought best paired with plastic forks. The pizza is overwhelmed by a deluge of microwaved toppings and the closest thing we have to steak frites is the McDonald’s on Route 9. Good Mexican isn’t terribly hard to find, but I can’t say we’ve been holding our breath for edible Chinese or Indian restaurants in the area. Luckily, when the BBF package arrived earlier this week, I immediately knew what we’d be repurposing for our latest Fauxian cuisine.
Sunland makes eight different varieties of organic flavored peanut butter with the Valencia peanut, ranging from sweeter ones like cherry vanilla peanut butter to savory selections, like smoked chipotle. BBF sent over the most mouth-watering of the lot, Thai ginger and red chili pepper peanut butter, along with a few squeeze packs for the road. The peanut butters are all-natural and have to be mixed up. We decided to make this into a sauce for some cold peanut noodles and also test it out as a marinade for grilled chicken.
Out of the jar, the color scheme looks inspired by a mid-eighties Laine Bryant peacoat- camel-colored and slightly lumpy, but is inoffensive and smooths out after a vigorous mixing. It has a delightfully short ingredient list- peanuts, ginger, garlic, mustard, and red chili pepper flakes, and is scant on sugar unlike most smooth grocery store brands. If you’re the type to eat peanut butter off the spoon and cry along with The Notebook, perhaps this isn’t for you. It has a very muted sweetness supplemented only by the ginger, making it absolutely ideal for savory foods.
This soaked up delightfully into the chicken breast and made a wonderful crust on the outside. After searing it and getting it crispy, and then cutting it into chunks to fully cook, it was tender, moist, and very flavorful with little preparation at all. It was possibly some of the tastiest grilled chicken I’ve had in or out of a restaurant. While calorically, it isn’t the best marinade, it provides a lot of protein and flavor with just a little bit.
For the noodles, we tossed roughly a quarter cup of peanut butter with a few tablespoons of ginger syrup, soy sauce, garlic sauce, and pepper, and it adhered well to the noodles, highlighting the natural flavor of the peanuts and providing a rather robust heat. A little went a long way here, although next time I’d tone down on the soy sauce to prevent it getting overly salted. This was a fantastic peanut butter in a great flavor and is definitely better than the commercial alternatives or the indigestable Chinese food around here. I’m looking forward to using this in bolder applications, like a Thai peanut butter and jelly or in some sort of savory cookie, or even in ice cream!

Pumpkin Goat Cheese Cornbread Balls

Hypocrisy! I believe we’ve met. Specifically, the time when I backhandedly insulted cake balls for being little more than a trendy fad. What I didn’t count on was loving them. And needing to make them. I still don’t see a point in baking cakes for the sole purpose of rehydrating them in ball form, but you tell me what to do with two-thirds of a leftover pan of cornbread, a log of goat cheese, and a three inch-tall bit of salsa left in the jar. Sigh. It’s like Chopped for sad bachelors.

Well, long story short, I gussied up my ill-fated flirt with Larry the Cable Guy’s muffin mix and turned it into these pumpkin goat cheese cornbread balls. I made them under the guise of pretending to throw a big, impromptu party for all my fabulous associates and dearest friends. In reality, I chilled them and ate them for dinner. They were delicious. They used up all my leftovers. And they are a bite-sized, handheld alternative to brie rings or cheese loaves or crab dip for your (actual) shindigs.
The steps were similar to making the cake balls, substituting cornbread (I had some made from a mix, but you could make it homemade if you wanted to) for cake and goat cheese and salsa for frosting. The outside was a lime-chili spice mixture, and I dipped them in the best jalapeno dip known to man, Dr. Gonzo’s Jalapenomash. I encourage you to order it in bulk or use whatever your favorite it- but please make sure it’s green. My Jewish family members will thank you and your holiday tablescape will be just as ornate as Sandra Lee’s.
Step 1. Mash the cornbread with the salsa and goat cheese.
Step 2. Roll the balls in the spices.
Step 3. ????
Step 4. PROFIT
Pumpkin Goat Cheese Cornbread Balls (makes thirty)
Ingredients
1 loaf of cornbread (packaged or homemade)
1 8 oz. log of goat cheese
1/2 cup of chunky salsa (I used pumpkin salsa, but any type would work)
1/4 cup of chili-lime seasoning for rolling
Salsa to dip in
1. Bake your cornbread. When it is cooled, crumble with hands or a fork until fine.
2. Mix in salsa and goat cheese until it resembles a loose, crumbly dough.
3. Roll into small balls and roll in the chili-lime seasoning.
4. Chill for one to six hours and serve with salsa!

Salt-Free Mrs. Dash

Last night was the first night we could eat outside this year. Of course, that was bracketed by two inches of snow over the weekend and a rainstorm today, but who’s counting? An occasion like that called for fresh ingredients. I baked a loaf of sandwich bread, sliced up an avocado, and sauteed some chicken breasts with fingerling potatoes. We wanted to make Southwestern sandwiches. Coincidentally, I was sent some flavors of salt-free Mrs. Dash a few weeks ago to test out for Healthy Month, so I liberally sprinkled one of them, Fiesta Lime, on the breasts and grilled them up. For a little variation, I coated two of the four pieces with another flavor, Lemon Pepper.From the start, I was fairly impressed with how vibrant and bold the Fiesta Lime was. Even a little on the tip of a spoon yielded a fresh, smoky flavor with a surprising citrus edge. I was initially worried that the heat of the spices would edge out the fruit, but it was quite zesty. I wouldn’t call the spice heated in any way, but it was very flavorful without being salty. I didn’t miss salt at all. The fine grade of the seasoning made it easy to pat onto the chicken and rub into the meat without any pieces falling off. It made a fantastic crust on the chicken.The Lemon Pepper was a rougher grade and somewhat chunky and had a problem adhering to the chicken. The flavor before and after cooking was somewhat astringent and lost a lot of its fruitiness in the process. The Fiesta Lime cooked well with the chicken and penetrated the inside of the meat. I’d be interested in trying this as a marinade. So far, we’ve been using it on everything spicy, including guacamole, nachos, and sandwiches.

Domino’s New Boneless Chicken Wings with Mango Habanero Dipping Sauce

Whew, talk about a blast from the past. I think it’s been at least a year since I’ve had Domino’s polygontastic boxes fill my dormitory. I like to order from these chains as a rare treat- when I’m not cooking my own food at home, it’s fun to see what kinds of expansion delivery places are offering. After seeing Grub Grade report the news about not only a new sauce, but new chicken, I knew I had to forgo the ‘zza for an order of wings. Boneless wings, that is. Domino’s has been making a lot of positive changes to their food, and after a relatively successful pizza reformulation, they’ve moved onto their chicken.
So how do they taste? Actually, I’m not sure. I have my timer set for exactly a half hour for delivery. If they tout that kind of service, I expect at least one high speed car chase down Route 9 to bring me my wings. So far, I’m a little wary. Domino’s says their new chicken wings are “new and tasty,” two modifiers, yet only one of which delivers a murky idea of what the flavor could be. New implies they’re not made from elderly chicken, which is good because I like them young, and tasty implies that they’re liberally applying Mrs. Dash with each winglet. Hell, at least they’re not spelled “wyngz.”They came early. Damn. An order of eight wings will set you back around $10 total if you’re a good tipper. Without the tip, it came to $8.36, a hair above what I like to pay for standard, fast food wings. Out of the box, they look pretty good. I always appreciate places that put dipping sauce on the side because twenty minutes in a car can mean the difference between stunning and slimy skin. There were eight pieces, but I don’t quite think it justifies being called eight wings as they are drastically differing in size, some of them looking to be at least twice as small as others. As far as value goes, I’m not sure if these were worth paying over $1 per wing.The chicken is crispy, with a thick coating of breading. I wouldn’t go as far as to call them crunchy like Popeye’s of KFC, but more on a Wendy’s scale of a softer crust. The chicken inside is a little chewy, but for the most part, tender. On their own, the chicken bites taste pretty good. They’re savory and taste like there’s some garlic and paprika in them, but I came for the sauce. Sauce masks all imperfections. Adding fruit to sauces can be daunting because you never know what you’ll get, but I’m pleased to report that the new mango habanero sauce is balanced and well-spiced, possibly one of the tastiest sauces on the fast food market today.
The sauce worried me at first. The container was filled only halfway up- would this cover eight smallish wings? But my fears were all for naught. The sauce is thick, but not gummy, with a nice orange color and obvious pieces of pepper throughout. It smells mainly of dried mango and assorted spices, and doesn’t hint to any obvious heat. However, upon tasting, it’s clear that Domino’s researched their peppers and researched them well. The heat from the sauce is persistent yet never burning hot, a combination that both satisfies my inner hot head and that of the general public, I’m guessing. It had a nice, smoky paprika flavor with a clean burn that definitely lingered, but kept me wanting more. The texture was a great peppery jamminess that adhered to the chicken and left me wishing I’d ordered more chicken to dip it in. I originally ordered two sauces, fearing I’d run out mid-way, but ended up only using one. Maybe I’ll slather the other on a sandwich.Overall, this might just become my new standard, assuming I try to order Domino’s more than once a year. They probably wouldn’t satiate the average college student, but they were enough for me. If they turned this into a specialty pizza, I’d definitely make an effort to make my way over there more often. If you love heat and fruit, this is something you should check out.

SPICY WEEK PART 7: Spicy Sweets

Happy slappy Valentine’s Day, folks. Keepitcoming and I are bringing the heat with not one, but two Valentine’s Day posts…a day late. Sorry. Not sorry. We’re too busy being awesome.
For the last day of Spicy Week, we tried some tasty sweet treats with delicious kicks. There were only a few, but they were all quite memorable.
We first sampled a brownie from Heartbreaking Dawn’s. As you know, we tried one of their hot sauces before. This clarified a little query as we were unsure if the Heartbreaking part of Dawn was in reference to a dawn that was heartbreakingly gorgeous or a Dawn that broke hearts. It is the latter and we are setting them up with Billy Ray Cyrus so they can achy breaky heartbreak together. Jesus. The brownie was heartbreaking. NO MORE PUNS. But it actually was. It was a cayenne, sea salt, and basil brownie and for some reason, was impossible to enjoy. There was a substantial heat from the pepper, a sea salt tang, and a herbed basil essence, but none of the elements seemed to work together. They were really incongruous and out of place in a way that made them taste bad as a whole, despite knowing that all the ingredients were delicious individually.
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We tried another baked good after that, this time in the form of Lark Fine Foods’ Chocolate Cha-Chas. I love slice cookies, especially if they maintain their form and still have that fudgy chew. This was spectacular. It was not only very rich and chocolatey, it was consistently spicy, albeit with more of a range of baking spices than heat spices, with a pleasant zip at the end. Keepitcoming and I tore through three packages of these. Their portability and flavor makes them a cinch to take on car trips.
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This was another delicious selection from Chuao, a company we’ve covered quite a few times on this blog. The chocolate in this bar is visually appealing as well as gorgeously gustatory, and is chock-full of spices and delicious. We loved this bar because of its balanced perfection. It was bitter, sweet, spicy, and creamy, all in one bite, and yet seemed to maintain a perfect consistency from piece to piece. Definitely pick these up.
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SWEET SUCCESS
Chuao Spicy Maya Bar (10)

And so ends Spicy Week! Thanks for playing. I wish we could offer you a house or a real adopted baby or whatever Oprah offers on her show, but all I have is leftover McNuggets. They’re a week old. Cheers!

SPICY WEEK PART 6: Spicy Snacks

The last two categories leave the realm of sauces and enter the DANGER ZONE, and by danger I obviously mean snacks. It’s serious business! The snack category got a little leaner as the selection narrowed, and I rounded up the most unique snacks that I could. I suppose I could have gone for the spicy chips as well, your Utz and Herr’s, but I’m an out of control teen and I do what I want.
So, my Spanish galleons, we had two popcorns from Oogie’s, an incredibly sexy snack as we already know, potato chips from Corozona’s, Blair’s Death Rain chips, and Deano’s Jalapenos. We were also armed with season one of Community and last night’s nuggets. Y’know, palate cleansers and all that.
Deano’s Jalapenos were the first to go down our gullets, and they set the bar pretty damned high. Frying absorbant vegetables and whatnot can be difficult, as it treads a fine line between underfrying and overfrying. The former makes things greasy and soggy and the latter renders them brittle and hazardous, like Captain Crunch. These are fried to perfection, to the point of melting on the tongue and have a delicate, soft crunch. They’re jalapenos, and taste just like they should, with a slight greasiness from the frying and a nice cheddar cheese flavor.
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OVERALL- 8Then we went on to the chips. Blair’s Death Rain sounded angry and hot, but turned out to be mild with a creamy cheesy flavor and a heavy chipotle smoke. It was a little overwhelming and I wasn’t too partial to it. Swagger finds that there’s a special circle in hell for kettle chips, so neglected to comment. They were a little overfried and were overly crispy.
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OVERALL- 3The next chips were Corozona’s. These were a little softer than the Blair’s chips, despite also being of the kettle variety, but lacked the oil and had a strange, rice flour-like texture and mouthfeel. The crunch tasted like these had been sitting out for a while uncovered, but the spices were fresh and zippy.
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OVERALL- 4Oogie’s popcorn was next, in two flavors: hatch chile con queso and chipotle and lime. I absolutely loved the chipotle lime popcorn, because of how beautifully balanced it was. The lime flavor was bright and citrusy, with a fresh note that cut through the cheesiness of the popcorn, and the chipotle was smoky. This was like eating my favorite salsa with my favorite popcorn and worked perfectly. There was very little flavor dust to contend with and the heat was bright and present.
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OVERALL- 9The hatch chile con queso popcorn had the nicest label, with an adequately South of the Border feel, sans crabs. I’ve compared Oogie’s to sex before, and this is basically the Tijuana donkey show of the selection. This is delightfully strange and mimicked, in a slightly creepy way, the exact flavor of queso dip. It was more of a ballpark nacho dip than a homemade queso flavor, but it was addictive and crispy with flavor dust scattered everywhere. A popcorn orgy it was.
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BEST CHIPS AND TOPCORN (Lol.)
Oogie’s Chipotle and Lime (9)
Oogie’s Hatch Chile con Queso (8)
Deano’s Jalapenos (8)

SPICY WEEK PART 5: Spicy Ketchups

Keepitcoming and I just returned from a little vacation, so that explains for the lag in posts. But never fear, Spicy Week will persevere! Before we left, we made a batch of fries for dinner and tested out our five spicy ketchup contenders.
Surprisingly, none of the national brand ketchup manufacturers, like Heinz and Hunt, opt to sell a commercially viable spicy ketchup. The closest I could find to a widely recognized brand was the UK subsidiary of Heinz, which makes a “twisted” ketchup with both mild and spicy chilies, but since that wasn’t easy to procure, I turned to the smaller brands.To test our ketchups on, we made a mild, baked fry with a flavor that balanced out the ketchups. We chose a blue and white cornmeal crusted french fry, and they turned out to be quite tasty and served as a good base for our testing.
Our first ketchup was a jalapeno ketchup from Spice It Up. It smelled good and was very thick, but had a bland, salty flavor with a small heat at the start and little depth. It didn’t compliment nor enhance the fries and toned down to a plain ketchup flavor by the end of the bite. The heat gradually grew, but the seasoning stayed the same, and in the end, it just tasted a little too plain.
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OVERALL- 6We then moved on to a ketchup from Intensity Academy. With a name like that, it could deliver any number of things. To our surprise, the ketchup we tried didn’t live up to its moniker. This was the chai chipotle ‘chup, and it has to be consumed immediately upon pouring. We learned this the hard way, for as soon as we looked the other way, the ketchup separated. The flavor was nice, if a little mild, but didn’t really taste of chipotle or chai, and was pretty soupy.
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The next ketchup came in a different bottle from the others, and that was Big Paw ketchup. Strange name and a moderately strange ketchup. It was extremely difficult to extract this from the bottle. It was a very thick ketchup, but somehow had issues adhering to the french fries. I suspect this is from a high oil content that did not mix very well. The flavor was delicious, though, with a strong, smoky chipotle flavor and a bold fruitiness from the ‘mato. Too bad the texture makes it impossible to dip with.
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OVERALL- 7We were nearing the last of our test subjects. This next ketchup featured not hot peppers, but more of an Indian spice selection. Maya Kaimal’s ketchup informed us that this would be “a little sweet, a little spicy, and a little Indian.” It had a zesty bite of curry at the beginning of the taste, and a really nicely defined, sweet cumin flavor. Unfortunately, the lines defining “spice” and “spicy” seemed to have been slightly blurred. This was more of a spice-heavy sauce than a heat intensive one, but still delicious nonetheless.
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OVERALL- 8The last ketchup of the night was Juan’s Fiesta Ketchup. This was a no-brainer as far as our favorite, because it was perfectly scoopable and smearable in its texture, with a distinctly peppery and distinctly tomatoey flavor within its overall composition. This was the ketchup we kept dipping in over and over after our testing and dredging up the final smears because it was so good. It was smoky, but not overbearing, and had a natural, sweet base. The burn was fantastic, because it was built up and then cooled down by the tomato. Really tasty and really well-crafted.
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TOP SPICY KETCHUPS
Juan’s Fiesta Ketchup (9)
Maya Kaimal’s Spicy Ketchup (8)

SPICY WEEK PART 4: Spicy Mustards

Day three. We’ve gotten past the tough stuff and are now sailing smoothly. I neglected to inform our participants that this would probably be the hardest category to do well in, as I consider myself a highly professional mustard connoisseur. But with seven contenders for the prize of best mustard, I found myself up against a team of seasoned and spicy surprises…Like last time, we judged on four categories, with three points for heat, three points for flavor, three points for appearance, and a point for a label, ’cause that shit is for real. To accurately measure the saucy spiciness of the Mustard Carbohydrate Soakage Scale, we swapped out our wing hack, McNuggets, for something a little more traditional: soft pretzels, son.
Our first mustard was another selection from Crooked Condiments, an ale-based mustard. It was smooth in its appearance, but had an acrid, grainy texture like lumpy gravy and a one-noted bitterness that overwhelmed the pretzel and somehow rendered it mushy. It didn’t taste like mustard or ale and didn’t have the heat we expected it to have, instead carrying more of an astringent sting. It didn’t really didn’t go well with the snack and left a bad aftertaste in our mouths.
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OVERALL- 3The next mustard we tried was another condiment from Saucy Mama. As you know from our last tasting, Saucy Mama represented one of the top three condiments in the regular hot sauce category, so we were excited to see if their quality carried on in between sauces. This was a chipotle mayonnaise in a squeeze bottle, with the same clean label of the wing sauce. This had a nice texture and flavor, but for the first few dips, had a viscous feel that made it a little difficult to adhere to the pretzel. I had to employ a “scoop method,” one that I rarely use for its difficulty in execution and high tendency to ruin clothes. But the result was worth the risk. The mustard was smoky and creamy, with a nice textural irregularity and chunkiness to it.
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After that, we sampled a most unusual condiment. Here’s a riddle for you: What’s bright red, smells like peppers, but isn’t peppers? It’s Dave’s Gourmet Hurtin’ Habanero Mustard, with slogans and flames and spice all up in this bitch. This dog’s bark was worse than its bite. Everything about this screamed pain and agony, but it was really a lot of smoke and mirrors. The heat burnt a little, but was pretty mild and clean, with very little aftertaste. The sauce was bright red and would probably make an outstanding topping for a fancy appetizer, but isn’t best for heat aficionados. It was more of a presentation-based condiment than one that relied on heat. Decent.
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OVERALL- 7It would seem we’d entered the realm of zany and strangely colored mustards, because up after Dave’s was a cranberry mustard from Up the Creek. Like Dave’s, this was bright and sassy, with a nice pink tinge and an almost jammy texture, like a home-canned preserve. It had a sweet, tangy cranberry flavor and a nice salty balance, but lacked that zip that I so desire in a good mustard. It wasn’t spicy at all, and I found myself craving a little heat to go with the sauciness of the berries.
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OVERALL- 6After the last few, I was craving something with a decent heat to it, so we turned to the Food and Wine jalapeno mustard aioli. This reminded me of the Saucy Mama in its appearance, but had a creamier, more uniform texture and milder flavor. It must have been the added cream in the aioli, but this just didn’t deliver the spice I wanted it to, despite boasting a sweet tanginess.
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OVERALL- 5We then came to another repeat offender, a different selection from Dr. Gonzo’s. This time, it was their Drunk Stunt mustard. From the moment we opened the jar, we knew this was going to be special. The mustard was not blended, far from it- it was a seedy study in autumnal colors, held together by minimal liquid, and stuck to the spoon as we scooped it onto the pretzel. From the first bite, it was clear that this was no ordinary mustard. It was dizzyingly smoky and flavorful, with a bite and spice that kept growing. At the end, the smoked heat, a palatable and savory burn, lingered for about a minute. I feel like I could put this on anything and it would make it instantly gourmet. It was like the golden touch of mustard. The depth of the flavors kept growing with each sampling, each new thing it was paired with. It was perfect, and I will savor my small jar as though I would a fine wine.
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OVERALL- 10Following that was tough, but we remembered that Pain is Good gave Dr. Gonzo’s a run for their money in the regular sauce round and swept the death category, so that was our last mustard. This was less of a mustard and more of a pourable sauce, so it might be less optimal for sandwiches and better as a dipping sauce. As soon as we opened the bottle, we noticed how smoky this was, on par with Dr. Gonzo’s. While it lacked a distinctly mustardy texture, it had the tang to make up for it and a powerful, clean burn. Definitely jalapenos.
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TOP THREE
Dr. Gonzo’s Drunk Stunt Mustard (10)
Pain is Good Jalapeno Mustard Sauce (8)
Saucy Mama Chipotle Mustard (8)

The top three are neck and neck! Who will win the prestigious award of Best of Spicy Week? Stay tuned, hotheads…

SPICY WEEK PART 3: Death Level Sauces

Swagger here to review the group of sauces no one else dares to try, “Death Level” sauces. Supposedly there are the ones that are the hottest of the hot and the best of the best. These are supposed to be the Delta Force Navy SEAL Black Ops Tier One Operators of the hot sauce world.


Keeping consistent with the regular sauces reviews the control base will be the glorious McNugget and the sauces will be judged in the same criteria and on a similar scale without consideration to the label, that shit’s totally arbitrary and kind of gay (Heat, Flavor, and Appearance). Each category can get a max of 3 points with an extra point for going above and beyond the call of duty.

Up first is the Blue’s BBQ Habanero Reserve sauce. The sauce emits a sweet smoky sauce with a strong hint of heat. Smells very much like what a great BBQ sauce does. Coming out of the bottle the sauce was a bit more watery than what I expected. It starts out tasting sweet but delivers a very high amount of heat. It’s not a deadly level heat that pushes you away but a high enough heat to make you come back for more. It does not leave too much of an afterburn so one could keep using it.

Heat – 3
Flavor – 3
Appearance – 2
OVERALL – 8


This is Blair’s After Death XXX hot sauce. It smells of a very light smoky flavor. Upon tasting it one discovers there is not much flavor just a lot of burning heat. It’s a very high heat burn with a quite long lasting afterburn. It’s just your run of the mill death level sauce. Nothing too special.

Heat – 3
Flavor – 1
Appearance – 1
OVERALL – 4

Here we have Blair’s Sudden Death Hottest sauce. At first opening the bottle there was no noticeable odor at all. It was indeed a quite ominous sign of things to come. It sauce itself looked slightly like death. It was dark crimson red with swirls of pure black. I assume that the black portion of the sauce was what was going to kill me at the end of the day. The taste was of this sauce was actually quite sweet, almost like a syrup sweetness at first then the heat would kick in. The heat and burn of this sauce was one that was extremely hot and was also one that lasted a very long time. I prefer this sauce over its counterpart, the After Death sauce. This had a sweeter flavor and overall more enjoyable experience.

Heat – 3
Flavor – 2
Appearance – 1
OVERALL – 6

Here is Wing It Buffalo Sauce. Upon opening the bottle one it smell just like the buffalo wings one could get at their favorite bar or tavern. It had that special vinegar smell that all buffalo sauces have. The taste of this buffalo sauce was quite good. They definitely went to extreme lengths to get a very blend of spices to make the buffalo flavor taste great. This sauce fails hard in its attempt to be considered a “Death” level sauce. There was very little heat to this sauce compared to the other big boys at this level. The heat can be best compared to a bottle of Frank’s Red Hot or something of that caliber. This could probably considered baby’s first hot sauce for something for your girlfriend who can’t handle spicy foods.

Heat – 0
Flavor – 3
Appearance – 1
OVERALL – 4


Next up is another from the people at Blue’s BBQ. This is their Chipotle Mustard Pepper. The smell of this sauce gave off a strong scent of peppers and good heat. This smell was quite inviting and would make probably make anyone who was daring enough to pick it over another sauce. It came out of the bottle more watery than I had expected and was unable to stay completely on the McNugget. This sauce was actually quite sweet and sour and had a good amount of heat. The burn of this sauce dissipated quite quickly and left you wanting more. All in all, a very pleasant sauce.

Heat – 2
Flavor – 2
Appearance – 2
OVERALL – 6


Here we have Torchbearer Sauces’ Zombie Apocalypse. This was probably the best named bottle in the death sauce category. Too bad I realized this after I had eaten this pictured McNugget. The main ingredient of this sauce is Bhut Jolokia peppers, these are the hottest peppers in the world. A single drop of this would bring most people to the ground in pain. Since I am such a total badass I ate the amount enough to cover half a McNugget. From the moment I opened the bottle and the nuclear orange paste like sauce came close to my face and I first smelled this sauce, the little voice in my heard popped up and said “maybe this isn’t such a good idea” in which I promptly told it to “nut up and shut up” This sauce smells like death, there’s no sweet undertones to it, or an inviting smell. This sauce smells like “if you want to eat this, you are a God among men” The best way I can describe the taste this sauce would be HOLY FUCK. This is probably the hottest sauce I’ve ever encountered. This probably incapacitated me and my taste buds for a solid 30 minutes. There was no taste to this sauce just pain, horrible deadly lava burning pain. I can probably say that this sauce changed my life, it was THAT intense.

Heat – 5
Flavor – 0
Appearance – 0
OVERALL – 5


Here is the only sauce here to come in a packet. This is the Meleguta table sauce. Right from there I knew that something was going to be wrong with this one. I came in an unassuming packet instead of a bottle. There was only a side note written in very small font that it was xxhot. A death sauce should have at least 3 x’s to be considered good. It came out of the packet in a quick watery overflow, it smelt like vinegar and wet dog, not a great sign. It tastes like wet dog and unclean female parts. This was easily the worst of them all. It even left a lingering after taste and smell like unclean lady parts. There was a slight burn but it was at the back of the throat. Awful, just awful.

Heat – 1
Flavor – 0
Appearance – 0
OVERALL – 1

This sauce was brought to me by the Pain is Good people. Their packaging feature floating heads on a brown paper bag paper and kept in glass flasks. This was hands down one of my favorite sauces and made by one of my favorite sauce makers. This sauce was their Jamaica Style sauce. The smell of it hinted strongly of pineapple and gave a really good Caribbean feel to it. The initial taste of this was kind of sweet and fruity like pineapple, and then the heat come in. BOOM. The heat is a very good level for a death level sauce. It was hot enough for me to be in a good level of pain, but it was a good pain, almost euphoric. The burn would linger and decrease quickly but at good pace over a period of time. It doesn’t disappear instantly. Very much like the scent of a woman’s perfume on your shirt and pillows after she leaves in the morning. It’s faint but it stays over the period of quite some time. This sauce is everyone a spicy foods enthusiast could ask for. Great flavor, great heat, very versatile. This sauce is made of absolute win. Swagger out!

Heat – 4
Flavor – 3
Appearance -3
OVERALL – 10


Best Sauces:
1. Pain is Good Jamaica Style
2. Blue’s BBQ Habanero Reserve