Category: food

Umpqua Oats Super Premium Oatmeal Salted Caramel Meltdown

Hi! 

Do you remember me? I’m just an old writer, I know. But it’s a little different than that. I know I left you back on that wide, dark internet street some fifteen days ago, but…well, I’ve had the tests, I got the paperwork, and I have something very important to tell you. I’m your blogger. I’m the one you imprinted upon early in the morning after you had your nightly Mountain Dew. I’m the one you reached out to when you needed humor and implicit gay shenanigans. I hand-fed you your first bites of truffled popcorn, cheeseburger-flavored pasta, and, well…

I’m back, baby.

And I have a new apartment, a working, reliable internet connection, and new vocabulary under my belt. It’s like they cryogenically froze me for two weeks and uploaded me with information about blown fuses and summary judgment. What could be better than that? I’ll tell you: in my hamlet of West Hartford, close to the home of my new, shiny law school, I come bearing gifts of pretentious oatmeal! This is Umpqua’s Salted Caramel Meltdown, not to be confused with Chocolate Temper Tantrum or Vanilla Sensory Overload that Causes You to Fire Questions at Strangers About Dogs. And what kind they have. And what their names are. And when you can come pet them, instead of answering their inquiry as to what time it was, ten minutes ago.

You look so big! Here, let me feed you some of this oatmeal. Just try it. I know it’s ridiculously flavorless, which likely makes it accessible to a wide audience of Millenials and busy moms, but it’s filling and reliable, too. The chunks of salted caramel and miniscule pecan shards are easy to digest, if lacking in substance, and the whole thing is just one snide ‘on-the-go’ fallacy away from a car accident. It’s yet another rider atop the wheezing, dying salted caramel horse and if it doesn’t go away, I fear the universe may collapse on itself, producing an endless string of punny breakfast foods in trendy flavors for the offspring of the busy people purchasing them for $4.20 plus tip.

Whew.

If you must play the game, you’ve got to know the rules. This applies to the concept of using hyperbole and trends, in this case. If you’re audacious enough to use the words ‘super,’ ‘premium,’ ‘salted,’ ‘caramel,’ and ‘meltdown,’ in your product’s name, I expect to see all five in spades. The deceased Quaker on the Quaker Oats canister has more flair than this. It’s as bland as its audience and doesn’t even have the fashion sense to boot. Umpqua is yet another follower on this endless bandwagon. Hopefully it will run out of gas sooner rather than later.

2013 Summer Fancy Food Show, Day 1

Wow! What a year! We just returned from the 2013 Summer Fancy Food Show in New York City. And boy, are our mouths tired.

Another amazing show, another great summer event filled with old friends, new ones, tons of food, and plenty of new and exciting products to showcase before I get my cholesterol checked. We have come back with one of the craziest bounties yet, and are extremely excited to show you what’s in store.

We started our day out bright and early, leaving Connecticut on the train to New York. We were lucky enough to catch a little of the NY Pride excitement, too!
The first day was significantly less eventful than it’s been in previous years, likely due partially to the lack of sleep we’d had at the murder-y motel the evening before. At least we got to have Pepe’s summer tomato and sausage pie…

And a sweet lobster tail for dessert!
It could have also been because the first floor, typically the largest, was very quiet. Comprised mainly of international and some larger US sections, it just lacked the energy and excitement of the floor below. Still, we found some great products and spent some time at my personal favorite, Mexico’s cocktail booth with Junior Merino.

Here, we tried a knockout of a sweet corn, elderflower, hibiscus, pineapple, tequila, and lemongrass cocktail. Absolutely insane!

Pallini’s famous limoncello was next, along with a raspberry and a peach liqueur.

After getting our drink on, we admired some of the classic big shot products of the show, like huge legs of proscuitto from Fermin and 5J. 

Always a great snack!

This year had some of the prettiest packaging I’ve seen yet. From these brightly colored bottles and cans of olive oil from Italy, to some jewel-like bottles of balsamic vinegar inspired by perfume, the designs were sharp and pristine.

Cans that fly off the shelf!

Balsamic no. 20…for the lady and discerning gentleman.

Overall, our first day definitely swayed more toward the savory than the sweet side. We sampled more artisanal meats than our stomachs could handle, and checked out the latest from all of the cheese producers, too.

It seemed like the organization was tighter, but definitely led to a bit of monotony. There’s only so many square miles of cheese a person can eat in a day before she needs a break!

The Ginger People had a sauce fountain with their zippy ginger chili sauce for all to dip in. I was more amazed that I was able to sample the sauce without getting any on my shirt.

We bid the day goodbye with some dan dan noodles and a hot bath as the city moved below us.
Still, we had a great first day and met some wonderful new people with incredible products- stay tuned when we give you a peek of our second day, the two after-parties we checked out after the show, and finally, the top 15 sweet and savory products of 2013!